Seriously...Who?

(All the links are technically SFW, but don't be an idiot. Don't look up any links related to porn at work unless you have info on your boss about HIS porn)

I thought it'd be funny to do a post on this weekend's AVN Awards and pretend to be unfamiliar with any of the winners.

Only thing is, I'm actually unfamiliar with most of the winners.

I haven't seen "Layout", winner for "Best Film"

Or "Upload", winner for "Best Video"

I have heard of Evan Stone, who won "Male Performer of the Year", beating out the other three guys in porn.

But the shocker (no pun intended) is I had not heard of Penny Flame (Best Actress in a Film), Eva Angelina (Best Actress in a Video) or the winner of the biggest prize in porn Sasha Grey (Female Performer of the Year).

This has less to do with any self-restraint on my part and more to do with an evolution of the industry centered more around the internet than video sales/rentals and a value placed on youthful looks rather than the ridiculous bodies of starlets of the 90's.

Further evidence of this is this incredibly self-congratulatory announcement by Jenna Jameson announcing her "retirement" from the business (Mick Foley is retired from wrestling too).

Jameson emphatically stated "I will never spread my legs in this industry again." She made this announcement before awarding the "Crossover" award to Stormy Daniels who thankfully proclaimed.

"Well I plan on spreading my legs for this industry for quite some time."

So Sad

Paul, myself and just about anyone who has ever seen it agree that the 1993 movie "My Life" is the saddest movie ever made. The trailer should tell you what its all about...



While tens of thousands of sad songs have been written, most are about personal heartbreak and lost love which while sad, is something most can just as easily distance themselves from than relate to. Music, to me hasn't had an equivalent to "My Life".

On the plane to DC, I heard this song "If You're Reading This" by Tim McGraw (known to some as the guy who played the drunk dad in the movie version of "Friday Night Lights"), I welled up and came close to breaking down; and I was flying JetBlue which usually makes me happy.

Well turns out the song is a performance from the American Country Music Awards and the video is even sadder. I consider this video NSFW as being seen crying in the office isn't safe for anyone's career.



Can anyone name either a) a sadder movie than "My Life" or b) a sadder song than this one?

Go Away!...and Give me Money!!

Here is the list of people who have a claim to sue the makers of 'Borat'(7 out of 8 Pizza Slices).

1. The Minister who owned the house where Borat has the dinner where he put his shit in a bag and invites a black prostitute into the house.

2. The owner of the Antique shop where Borat breaks everything and settles for a couple hundred bucks.

3. Me, still not able to get that hotel room scene out of my head.

(Everybody else in the movie...)

78. The Victoria's Secret mannequin Borat jerks off in front of in Manhattan.

79. This guy

80. Those South Carolina frat guys who I assume got most of their scene cut out of the DVD.

Pizza Parlor Review: Knocked Up

(SPOILER ALERT: I'm not a good enough movie critic to write a review without spoilers so if you don't want any of 'Knocked Up' spoiled for you Do NOT scroll past the picture of the movie poster)



Such is becoming tradition in Hollywood that whenever two supporting characters supposedly "steal a show" in a hit comedy, it makes sense to spin off that success with the actors who played said characters in their own movie either playing the same characters or different.

Seth Rogen and Paul Rudd (known as the "You're so gay..." guys from 40-Year Old Virgin) star along with Katherine Heigl and her breasts in the positively reviewed comedy "Knocked Up".

Rogen plays Benjamin Stone, a 23 year old webpage developer with no steady income who has a one-night stand with Allison Scott, and E! News Daily reporter played by Heigl (and her breasts). Their morning after awkwardness (symbolized by a goodbye hug/attempted peck kiss, which I found funny) is magnified eight weeks later when Scott is found to be pregnant. While Stone and Scott immediately decide to keep the baby and try to make a relationship work. Stone is torn between Scott and his old life and friends (played by a collection of "that guys" none bringing too much to the table).

Their couple struggles parallel Scott's sister Debbie played by Leslie Mann (not Bibb) and her husband Pete, played by Rudd. Debbie's discovery that Pete was "cheating" on her by playing Fantasy Baseball at the same time Allison decides her and Ben can't make it work, lead to Rogen and Rudd's characters going to Vegas, parodizing "Swingers", taking psychadelic mushrooms in one of the funnier parts of the movie.

Major cameos in the film are Ryan Seacrest (who I was supposed to be surprised hear dropping F-bombs) and Steve Carrell (I was waiting for this the whole time).

The movie definitely has its laugh out loud moments and enough of them to make it worth seeing in theaters and spending 8 bucks. IT IS NOT FUNNIER THAN 40-YEAR OLD VIRGIN. Whoever said that was on crack. If there's one more thing I can put in caps. DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE ON A FIRST OR SECOND DATE. It is the advertisement for the Fast Forward Relationship.

The biggest disappointment is Ben's four buddies. They really bring nothing to the table except Pot Humor which I didn't even find funny when I was 19, nonetheless 29. I don't expect any of them to get their own movie anytime soon.

I give "Knocked Up" 5 out of 8 Pizza Slices.

Over 200 Rappers Can't be Wrong...

And they're not.

I passed on The Grammys last night and instead watched an HD-remastered airing of Scarface on Cinemax. While I had put this off forever because quite frankly, the constant references in hip-hop and MTV's Cribs built up a resolve in me to NOT watch this movie, I thoroughly enjoyed it as much as any great Crime Drama, if not more so.

Without giving away too much for those who still haven't seen it, in case I wasn't the last one, Al Pacino plays Tony Montana who arrives in the US via Cuba in an arranged boatlift of undesirable Cubans to America. Along with his partner Manny, they go from doing political assasinations of Cuban Communists, to low-level buys which of course go bad and lead to Tony walking with the cash and the "yeyo", to brokering arrangements between high-level drug lords in the US and Bolivia, to a near billion dollar corporation.

The movie ends with the infamous "say hello to my little friend" scene which has been mentioned several times. One of the few times I watched a movie, knowing what was coming and being blown away still. Other notes.

-I had no idea Robert Loggia and Michelle Phifer were in this movie, and frankly I could've done without either's performance.

-I thought Scott Hall's 90's WWF character Razor Ramon was loosely based on this movie. I now know it was an all-out ripoff. From his catchphrase to his finishing move, everything is in the script of this movie. I'm surprised he didn't call the Intercontinental Championship belt "The Yeyo".

-Speaking of "Yeyo", I now know the origin of the name "Tony Yeyo", and about half of every reference in hip-hop songs.

-"Yeyo" is my new favorite word.

-One reference not in hip-hop is that of the band Blink-182, who get their name from the amount of times Tony Montana says the F-word in this movie. In case you're wondering, Scarface isn't even close to the most F-words in a movie. The Departed had more. Here's the List. #1 is either a surprise or not a surprise.