How to Improve the NFL Scouting Combine
Thanks to the exponential growth of sports on television, rarely is a significant sports event untelevised. In fact until this year the most significant sporting event I could think of not televised was the NFL Scouting Combine. You can imagine my excitement to hear that the newly added to my cable system, NFL Network was carrying this year's combine all last weekend. Well as they say, be careful what you wish for.
Not only was the Combine a monotonous weekend of watching men in gray sweatshirts run 40 yard dashes and cone shuttles in the ever so uncharming RCA Dome, it was a reminder that just a month ago, a sixth round draft pick who probably doesn't even remember his cone shuttle time, just won his third Super Bowl, a telling fact at how insignificant the Combine is in the big picture.
To help the NFL Scouting Combine be a better gauge of character guys needed to win a championship and boost fan interest and subsequently ratings here are a few replacement drills that I recommend:
The Pre-Screening Exam- Questions range from short answer "Other than your coach's son, name two professors you had in your four years of college" to word problems "If you sleep with three women in a week and get two pregnant and only make one get an abortion, how much child support will you have to pay in ten years?" to essay "Where are your dawgs at? and why?" or "Describe a time when keeping it real went wrong and how you handled dat?"
The OnTime Shuttle- You must be present at a meeting, practice, and team bus all within three given times. Sounds hard huh.
The Entourage Elimination- The night before the Combine you receive three calls. One from your former weed dealer, one from your former gang-banger friend from the projects, and one from your baby's mama that she found a sitter and wants to spend some time. You can only call one back. Your decision is evaluated by scouts.
The Post-Game Press Conference- Beat writers pester you with questions for fifteen minutes as you try to avoid saying things like "Do you realize you're in the presence of greatness right now?" or "I will make Rodney Harrison my personal bitch next Sunday".
The VIP Challenge- You are the only professional athlete in a room with six women. A sixteen year old, An undercover cop posing as a prostitute looking for coke, An opportunistic vixen looking to extort money by threatening to tell your wife about your one night stand, A law school student, Sarah from Real World Philadelphia and Paris Hilton are all in the VIP section of a nightclub with Cristal flowing like wine. Your goal is to go find with the law school student and take her home, or suffer the consequences. Whether they be prosecution, arrest, extortion, repeated breakdowns, or Herpes.
If these changes are made, the 2006 NFL Combine will truly be a worthwhile television experience and an asset to scouts looking to build the next dynasty.