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For comprehensive coverage of the New York Mets including game recaps, commentary and Lastings Milledge's bowel movements, the writers of SCZA Nation and Paul's Poop are combining their efforts and directing their Mets posts to one blog called Beltran's Mole. If you are a Mets fan or enjoy watching the perils of the Mets and its effect on their fans, this will be a very enjoyable blog for you.

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TV's All-Time "Go Team"

10 tie)Edie Britt and Gabrielle Solis, Desperate Housewives- I barely watched 'Desperate Housewives this past season but the two highlights of the first season were Edie's car wash scene and when it was revealed Mrs. Solis was doing her landscaper.

9)Irina Peltsin, The Sopranos- Tony Sopranos' most famous "goomah" broke up with him for Newark City Assemblyman Ronald Zellman. Let's hope her endless search for her soulmate ends successfully. One thing about "Russian boo-boos, show them some foreplay, they'll detail your car". Not sure what detailing a car means sexually but it must be something kinky.



8)Becky Connor, Roseanne- One of the first teenage characters to ask her mom for birth control. Also one of the first to elope. With a real scumbag too, Mark. I think he actually punched her causing Dan Connor to punch him and get arrested, but I may be wrong in that. Her pioneer status puts her on this list.

7)Mandy Lauderdale, Temptation Island- This firebush set off to Temptation Island in hopes of affirming her love for then boyfriend Billy Cleary. What she ended up doing was making "connections" with half the male "tempters" on the island. Two images from this god-awful show resonate in my memory. Mandy giving body shots to the guys on the island and Billy unable to watch the video when it was shown to him and Mandy's look of sheer delight on being approached by three guys in the hot tub. She is now attempting a singing career. Good luck with that.



6)Audrey Raines, 24- Most known for being Jack Bauer's wet blanket. Ms. Raines started a relationship with Jack before her divorce with husband Paul was finalized. Contemplated reconciling with Paul while Jack was trying to find information about a nuclear attack on Los Angeles. Then with Jack presumed dead, slept with terrorist and Charles Logan patsy, Walt Cummings in a seedy hotel in Maryland. Plus if she slept with Jack Bauer, she must like it rough. I can only imagine how many people she'll sleep with while Jack is trying to escape China.



5)Blanche Devereaux, The Golden Girls- While we rarely saw (and rarely wanted to see) Blanche in any acts of passion, she talked non-stop about men and getting laid. One of the "jump the shark" episodes of The Golden Girls had Rose having an AIDS scare and thinking if anyone were to get AIDS it would be "someone like Blanche".



4)Tonya Cooley, Real World/Road Rules Challenge- The inspiration behind this list. While she never went out during her Real World Season and claimed she was with the man she was destined to marry. Now she hooks up with every guy on each challenge and pisses off every girl. I couldn't pull a picture of her because they're all on "adult content" sites I can't access at work. God bless you Tonya!

3)Elaine Benes, Seinfeld- Let's see, she dated a different guy every week before settling down with a guy named "Puddy". Went out with Keith Hernandez even though Jerry liked him more. Admitted to faking orgasms and lost a masturbation contest with three guys after seeing JFK Jr. in the gym. Who wouldn't want to be friends with Elaine?

2)Trishelle Canatella, Real World: Las Vegas- Thought the best way to impress her love interest on The Real World, Stephen was to make out with every guy (and some girls) in Las Vegas. Afterwards she went on "The Surreal Life" and auctioned a day with her on eBay. Her daddy was must be so proud.



and the number on slut in television history...

1)Valerie Malone, Beverly Hills 90210- Here's the list: Dylan McKay, Steve Sanders (I think on the same day too), David Silver, Ray Pruitt and others not as noteworthy. When Valerie came to West Beverly from Buffalo, you knew she was going to change things. And she did, for the better. While making enemies of almost all the ladies, she befriended almost all of the guys. If she got her hands on Brandon (and she tried) she would've pulled off the greatest achievement of promiscuity in television history. Congratulations Valerie Malone, captain of TV's all-time "Go Team".

Real World Road Rules Challenge: Fresh Meat

Somehow MTV managed to promote and debut a new installment of its classic series Real World Road Rules Challenge without me even taking notice. Luckily for me my Tivo is more alert than I am and I should be able to watch the first episode today (I caught the end of the first showing last night). The show does not fail to reinvent itself and has managed to keep its "freshness" this time by pairing up former Real World and Road Rules participants with completely new contestants who are on MTV for the first time. The possibilities for drama are endless when you combine reality television lifers who make me feel like I've had "career luck" with college age publicity whores who may not get what the big deal is of winning a "Gauntlet".

Veterans Coral, Tonya, and Tina return after taking last season off and Real World Austin characters Johanna, Melinda, Danny and Wes (exactly the four I would've guessed to make a life out of MTV television) join the RWRRC circuit along with Darrell, Derrick (are you kidding me? get a job already!), Katie (been on as much as Derrick but she's a poor man's Lindsey Lohan so she can stay) Shane and Theo.

Not much is known about the "Fresh Meat" but Wes' partner Casey does not seem to be well liked by anyone else in the challenge. Tonya's partner Johnnie can't stand her but that will change after she sleeps with him, I'm sure.

REAL Sports

Got to watch the newest installment of REAL Sports on HBO which while managing to be politically slanted in covering sports is always an interesting hour. Segments included:

A look at national media coverage of the Duke Lacrosse Rape Scandal. Almost no details about the incident itself but rather the portrayal of Duke University as a home of the white and privleged and neighboring North Carolina Central University as black and poor and the tensions between the two schools as well as tensions between Duke and the city of Durham. Points were made about Duke being recommended in Black scholarly journals as "Black-friendly", the 12% of White students that go to Central and the shared resources of the two schools. Students testified to de-emphasizing racial tensions to national news reporters but claimed that footage hit the cutting room floor. The story seemed to blame District Attorney Mike Nifong for exploiting the racial dynamics of the case to gain re-election earlier this month a theory that is shared by most observers of the case itself. Duke's location in "The South" was also debated as exacerbating the controversy. The correspondent was new and I did not get his name but he was apparently a Newhouse grad as Bryant Gumbel asked him if this incident happened at other "big-time" schools outside of the south "like a Stanford or Syracuse" if there would be this much controversy. The correspondent said that this would absolutely receive the same attention if this incident had happened at Syracuse. All I know is when you hear your alma-mater mentioned in the same sentence as Duke and Stanford, its time to start sending out resumes.

Bernard Goldberg did a "Where are They Now" piece on Ryan Leaf. Leaf is now the Quarterbacks Coach at Division II Western Texas A&M (not ATM). He claims his 5 years in the NFL were the worst years of his life. I would have to imagine so. While Leaf seems happier and at peace, he is still a walking contradiction. He claims he was never good enough to be an NFL Quarterback, but considers the infamous tantrum he threw at the San Diego Tribune reporter the downfall of his career. On HBO, they aired the tantrum uncensored (he just says "fucking enough already" at the beginning and screams "fucking bitch!" at the end, but the whole thing is even funnier uncensored). The reporter also gave a swarmy smirk at the end and looked like he should've be at a porn store. Leaf says April is his least favorite month of the year (if you're having trouble figuring out why, that's when the NFL Draft is and experts warn of drafting "the next Ryan Leaf") and he has nothing to say to former Chargers GM Bobby Bethard. Goldberg thinks his goal is to be Head Coach at the University of Montana and that he has no friends or any fond memories of the NFL.

Mary Carillo's segment was on the coach of the University of Texas Women's Outdoor Track team, her crippling car accident and inspiring recovery. I forwarded past this. Not to sound jaded, but this was the 800th piece like this shown on REAL Sports. I'm happy for the coach, glad she's coming around but when you start to guess correctly every facet of a story, the formula is overdone. And I was doing that with these bonding out of adversity pieces a long time ago.

The final piece was a profile of and interview with outgoing NFL Commissioner Paul Tagliabue by Bob Costas. Tagliabue was the son of a stonemason (his father "didn't chop no fucking wood") and played basketball at Georgetown. He leaves the NFL proud of the 19 years of labor peace the NFL has enjoyed. Broncos owner Pat Bowlen credits him with single-handedly getting owners to vote for the new collective bargaining agreement passed this past March. His greatest embarrasment was the halftime show of Super Bowl XXXVIII. In an "only on HBO" moment the last question Bob Costas had for the outgoing NFL Commissioner after a successful 19 years was about his gay son Michael and whether or not he would be accepted in an NFL locker room. Tagliabue answered the question citing progress by society in the 19 years since he took over but the question must be asked why are we so obsessed with finding out who is gay??? The only point of putting that question in the piece was to let most people who didn't know know that the NFL Commissioner had a gay son and the irony of that.

I'm not gay by the way...LOVE CHICKS!

Gumbel's closing remarks were about the passing of Floyd Patterson and the record tying 100m performance of Justin Gatling happening on the same day (they were both from Brooklyn, ironically) and how low they were on sports fans priorities because of the sports they played. Boxing has no one to blame but themselves for the sports lack of interest. Promoters and the alphabet soup of organizations have brought down Boxing to where it could possibly be surpassed by Ultimate Fighting. Track's lack of interest is an enigma however. Seemed like half of everybody's high school did some form of track and Americans are perrennial medalists in the sport but it is only followed closely in Europe. Perhaps a IAAF World Championships in the States could spark interest again.

Next month a feature on pollution's effects on asthmatic athletes. Sounds exciting.