The 2006 Pizza Parlor Mock NFL Draft

This Saturday and Sunday is the 2006 NFL Draft and while I'll be away at the Miss New Hampshire Pageant for most of it, everyone else has a Mock Draft so why not myself. So without further ado, here is The Pizza Parlor's 2006 NFL Mock Draft:

1. Houston Texans: Reggie Bush, RB Southern Cal- This happens every year there is an obvious #1 pick. The team waits until the week before the draft to start negotiations. Columnists write about his negatives and ponder alternatives. In this case the negatives are his durability, signability, and the changing impact of Running Backs in the NFL, the alternative is Mario Williams. Reggie Bush will be a star in the NFL and could take the Houston Texans into contention in two years. The chance of not taking him and watching his highlights on Primetime every week is not one Gary Kubiak and the Texans are going to take.


2. New Orleans Saints: Mario Williams, DE North Carolina State- The best player available to a team that just plain needs players, which is why trading down is a possibility. I do feel Williams has the biggest bust potential out of the top 5. Matt Leinart and Vince Young are possibilities here because Drew Brees is the NFL's Elliot Yamin. Talented, does everything you need him to do each week, but do you think the Marketing Machine known as American Idol is in any rush to start selling Elliot Yamin CDs? Do you think Saints fans are as excited about Drew Brees? The shoulder is also a question mark and Young especially could reignite enthusiasm in Saints football.

3. Tennessee Titans: Vince Young, QB Texas- Looks like Norm Chow is getting outvoted here as insider reports have everyone else high on this playmaker. If Young doesn't go here he could take be another victim of "Texas Hold'em" a new phenomenon post Ricky Williams that has NFL General Managers careful of taking a Texas Longhorn very high.

4. New York Jets: D'Brickashaw Ferguson, T Virginia- D'Brickashaw is a takeoff off the Reverend Ralph de Briccasart character in the Colleen McCullogh's 1977 best-selling book "The Thorn Birds". Ferguson is a youth minister. Hopefully he will be able to forgive the thousands of Jets fans that boo him because he isn't Matt Leinart.

(We'll get our first green room shot of Matt Leinart at this point)

5. Green Bay Packers: Haloti Ngata, DT Oregon- The Packers are growing interest in him and not for the same reasons I'd be: A chance to see Kabeer Gbajia-Biamila and Haloti Ngata in the same defensive line and see Joe Buck's head explode during the next Packers broadcast.

6. San Francisco 49ers: Vernon Davis, TE Maryland- The 49ers are making no secret he is their guy. He could be the weapon that saves Alex Smith's career. I hate the 49ers so I'm not wasting too much time on their pick. Possible trade up from Denver to get this spot and Davis also.

7. Oakland Raiders: Ice Cube, OG Compton- I'd love to see the Raiders screw up this pick, and of course its a possibility but its almost impossible A.J. Hawk a guy you figure Al Davis has to be in love with is there on a team that added a Free Agent Quarterback and needs SERIOUS help on defense. I may have to donate my Away #47 jersey to my brother but Hawk should be a fan favorite in Raider Nation.

(We'll get another shot of Matt Leinart in the green room, his eyes are shut and he's in full incline, disappointment and perhaps regret for not coming out earlier setting in)

8. Buffalo Bills: Winston Justice, OT Southern Cal- I don't see why the Bills wouldn't take a look at Leinart. Did J.P. Losman show anything to make anyone in Buffalo, even on the Empire Network, think he's going to be a Super Bowl winning quarterback? The line in Buffalo is horrible and Justice would be a welcome addition. Just keep him away from the toy guns.

9. Detroit Lions: Chad Jackson, WR Florida- You can never have too many Wide Receivers. I'm kidding of course. Rod Marinelli is a defensive guy and the Lions signed 10 quarterbacks this offseason. I think Michael Huff CB, Texas goes here and fills an obvious need in Detroit. Two Florida State guys Ernie Sims and Broderick Bunkley could go here too if of course they can get their butts low.

(We get a shot of Matt Leinart in the green room, turns out he was being orally serviced by two Song Girls and he couldn't care less where he goes. The cameraman tries to push Nick Lachey out of the way as he holds a copy up of his new CD) Just as we can't take the torture any longer...

10. Arizona Cardinals: Matt Leinart, QB Southern Cal- With only Kurt Warner, John Navarre, and Rohan Davey as Quarterbacks and moving into a new stadium, the Cardinals were looking strongly at Jay Cutler. But they probably had no idea Leinart would fall to them. Cutler may have a chip on his shoulder anytime he visits Glendale but the Cardinals now have themselves a franchise Quarterback.


11. St. Louis Rams: Brodrick Bunkley, DT Florida State-...

12. Cleveland Browns: Kamerion Wimbley, OLB Florida State-...

13. Baltimore Ravens: Ernie Sims, OLB Florida State- Hey you think with all this Florida State talent in the First Round that there's a chance Jenn Sterger will be in attendance? And with three top 13 picks on their defense how did they lose three games this year? I always end up wondering this at some point in every draft. I will be doing the same with UConn and Michigan State in June.

(Jay Cutler now gets his own ESPN camera man)

14. Philadelphia Eagles: Santonio Holmes, WR The Ohio State- Had some bobbling issues in the Buckeye game I went to last year but the Eagles need to move on from Terrell Owens and this is a good message to their fans that they plan to do so without relying on Todd Pinkston.

15. Denver Broncos: Manny Lawson, DE North Carolina State- I wouldn't go to Vegas with this just wanted to make a few points. I fully expect the Broncos to trade out of this pick either up or down and if they stay everyone and their brother is picking them to take Chad Jackson, the Wide Receiver from Florida to add to the receiving corps of the 37 year old Rod Smith and the out-the-door next year Ashley Lelie. It's not a good year to be in need of a Wide Receiver though and Denver really needs a pass rusher more than anything else. Lawson is this year's Mike Mamula. That's a not a good thing the day AFTER the draft. If this happens I'll be calling somebody very angry.

16. Miami Dolphins: Chad Jackson, WR Florida- With all due respect to Marty Booker. Daunte Culpepper would sure enjoy another weapon on offense on the other side of Chris Chambers.

17. Minnesota Vikings: Jay Cutler, QB Vanderbilt- You get a lot of practice throwing the ball when you play FOR Vanderbilt and AGAINST Florida, Georgia, LSU, Auburn, and Tennessee. Expect to see a lot of those teams third strings in the fourth quarter on his highlight reel. I guess that's my way of saying I don't believe the hype.


18. Dallas Cowboys: Donte Whitner, FS The Ohio State- Seems like a natural match here. Probably could have tackled Ron Dayne out of Field Goal range last year and should be a great tandem with Roy Williams. Parcells gets his way with this pick as Jerry Jones owes him one to say the least.

19. San Diego Chargers: Johnathan Joseph, CB South Carolina- Gets the edge over the sexier pick Tye Hill because his size allows him to play Nickel as well.

20. Kansas City Chiefs: Tye Hill, CB Clemson- I just feel like Tye Hill sounds like a Chiefs name. They were also at the bottom of the league in pass defense last year. This would help.

21. New England Patriots: Chad Greenway, OLB Iowa- The ultimate "Belichick Guy" at the Patriots position of need coached by a Belichick protege in college, possibly going as high as 10 falls to New England. I hate this team.

22. San Francisco 49ers: Jimmy Williams, CB Virginia Tech- This sexy pick coupled with other sexy pick Vernon Davis will earn the 49ers high grades on Sunday. Williams could start right away for San Francisco.

23. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Nick Mangold C, The Ohio State- Mangold is one of the smartest players in this draft. He will be at least a five-time Pro Bowler and if you think this is high for a Center. With many teams converting to a 3-4 scheme, the Center position isn't where you hide a third Guard anymore.

24. Cincinnati Bengals: Mercedes Lewis, TE UCLA- This could be the first reach in Round 1 because Marvin Lewis wants a Tight End badly plus he could be united with his long lost son. I don't think he is his son, but no man like Marvin Lewis ever really knows.

25. New York Giants: Bobby Carpenter, LB The Ohio State- I know the Giants just signed LaVar Arrington, but they were desparately searching for linebackers at the end of last year. Everyone that saw last year's The Ohio State-Michigan game remembers Carpenter crying when he went up lame after the third play on defense. The game has that kind of effect on some guys and those guys are the ones you want on your team.

26. Chicago Bears: DeMeco Ryans, LB Alabama- The Bears are young enough that they can and probably will trade out of the First Round this year. It's too bad because judging from the few Alabama games I've seen, Ryans is going to be a player.

27. Carolina Panthers: LenDale White, RB Southern Cal- Bra comments and poor workouts aside. I think John Fox can motivate White to lose the pounds and become a Stephen Davis like force for Carolina. Besides, everyone has White (from Denver) going to Pittsburgh and I would HATE to see that happen. Yes, I'm still scarred.

28. Jacksonville Jaguars: Tamba Hali, DE Penn State- This is a reach pick but I think Jacksonville likes the value picks at Running Back later in the draft. They need an added pass rush and Hali may or may not provide that.

29. New York Jets: D'Angelo Williams, RB Memphis- There will be euphoria at Radio City Music Hall and over my e-mail on Monday if the Jets land Williams with D'Brickashaw or Leinart. He may not be happy slipping all this way down the First Round but he should see some immediate time and should be starting by 2007.

30. Indianapolis Colts: Ashton Youboty, CB The Ohio State- Indy still needs to go defense and this may be my last time to say Youboty is a Fine Bubble pick. I can't stop looking at Youboty. That's USC, Florida State and The Ohio State all with at least three First Round picks.


31. Seattle Seahawks: Antonio Cromartie, CB Florida State- Cromartie would've been a Top 5 pick if he didn't blow his ACL and miss all of last year. When your picking 31 it means you have a pretty good team and can afford to take risks like this.

32. Pittsburgh Steelers: Laurence Maroney, RB Minnesota- Not sure if he's meant to play Steeler football. Actually I hope he isn't.

Ask The Pizza Parlor

On Thursday's regularly (I hesitate to say each week, because who knows) I will answer five questions from readers of this blog, all will probably be friends of mine but the questions and the answers hopefully will be a good read. For the first week I will answer questions from....myself.

Do you find it a coincidence that in the days immediately after you signed to live on your own again that 1) Opie and Anthony have returned to terrestrial radio and 2) WWE has plans to bring back ECW as its own "brand" starting this summer? Are you leasing an apartment or taking a time machine to 1998?

I'm waiting to see if Limp Bizkit makes a comeback to answer that question. But there's something about listening to O&A even though I still claim they had their best fastball when there were on WAAF in Boston when their schtick was separated by music and each bit seemed more fresh. They do a lot of parody of themselves and the first two shows have been perfunctory as they "get comfortable" but I have a feeling my radio will be locked on my now much shorter drive to work.

WWE has also signed old ECW guys Sabu, The Sandman, and Francine but how long are they going to go with these guys' nostalgia. How about some new blood (excuse the pun)? Some of those guys were looking worn at last year's ECW pay-per-view. Are you telling me none of those kids that were making backyard wrestling videos in the late 90's are TV-ready at this point?

Scott and Paul are doing running blogs of Mets' Wednesday day games yet you've been mum about your Red Sox? Are you not excited about them this season? What are your opinions so far?

Through Scott I have tickets to any one of the Mets' visits to Fenway this season. Of course I would like to see Pedro's return to Fenway. The fact that I can't count the rotation to that point to see what game Pedro would return (even without factoring rainouts) is a sign that it is still April and while the Red Sox are out to a good start recordwise. The questionmarks that are Josh Beckett and Curt Schilling could crash at any point. Bronson Arroyo going 4-0 and watching Wily Mo Pena in the field hurts but I think Red Sox fans tend to over romanticize his time in Boston. He wasn't going to be any more than a 5th starter in Boston. Injuries are already hurting this team and I'm having a hard time picturing Dustan Mohr and Willie Harris on duck boats with World Series rings. I am taking a wait and see approach until I enter Fenway's gate for Pedro-Clemens in June.

Do you have "McPheever"?

Not really, I had "McGheever" for Melissa McGhee the hazel eyed girl who described herself as "fun-loving" and always sported cleavage. When she got eliminated I took my mom's adopted daughter Kelly Pickler as my candidate. She had a rough up-bringing (mom abandoning her, dad in prison) and had the same exact personality as my sister. There was no way she was going to win, but I thought the red states would carry her to the final 3 I guess when you bomb two weeks in a row you seal your fate. But Melissa McGhee is the only reason I even bothered with this show. I'm tone deaf so I only judge by what I can see. I guess I have McPheever now but I will not be buying her CD when she wins.

So give me a sports equivalent to Tony Snow being appointed White House Press Secretary.

I dunno, maybe Tim McCarver as Media Relations Director for the New York Yankees. The relationship between Bush and the White House Press Corps is hilarity. As you’d imagine would be the case with the most polarizing President in our history, the White House Press Corps hates this administration. They bullied Scott McClelland into resignation (because Bush purposely gives him nothing for them to go on) so Bush replaces him with a journalist from Fox News just to piss them off. Bush is running his second term out of vendettas to piss off his enemies. I would say to expect a Democratic revolution in 2006 and 2008 if I didn’t think the Democrats would end up nominating Janeane Garafalo. Only they could screw up an opponent’s 35% approval rating.


So do you have a format down? I’m still waiting for the first edition of “Extra Anchovies”.

I may have been overly ambitious with the original Pizza Parlor format. Considering it didn’t last a week. If I were a reader I would count on Sopranos and 24 recaps on Monday and Tuesday, hopefully a few other snippets to go along with those. Thursdays is the day for FAQs again, I’m not promising them every week but if I get good questions I will answer them. Fridays I hope to provide a column of significant length, it’s what I do best and differentiates this blog from SCZA Nation and Paul’s Poop which are updated more frequently with better news. I hope you all enjoy tomorrow’s column.

Of course with the apartment I will purchase a laptop and dive into the world of high-speed internet which I can imagine will only help this blog.

You Won't Find This on the Back of Syracuse Magazine

Around this time about two or three years ago when I was working at the pizza parlor that gave The Pizza Parlor its name I ran across an attractive female from my speech communication classes sitting at a booth with her family and had a “do I know you?” type conversation. We did figure out that we were in Speech Communication classes with Dr. Dudzcak and Dr. Kiewe just to name a few. She unfortunately could figure out what I was doing at the time and told me she was in New York City, working as a producer for the Maury Povich show and was really excited to be working there.

Well apparently things have changed…



Bianca Nardi has filed a $100 million sexual harassment suit against Maury claiming a relationship between him and another producer provided a sexually charged work environment and was ordered to wear short skirts, low-cut blouses and push-up bras while working.

Now living in Fort Lee, NJ. Nardi is originally from Manchester, NH.

Jack Shit: "1:00am-2:00am"

SPOILER SPACE: If you don't want any of last night's episode of '24' spoiled for you do not scroll past the picture of Curtis Manning.


The "Season of Death" continues as Richard Heller (known to most as William Devane) chose to drive his car off a cliff into a lake rather than be used as trade bait in the standoff between Jack and Christopher Henderson. The conversation was witnessed by his daughter Audrey "I'm not Stupid" Raines who is going to have a tough time collecting the life insurance since Devane, I mean Richard Heller took his own life.

David Palmer, Michelle Dessler, Tony Almeida, Edgar Styles, Rudy, Rudy's crackwhore sister, that poor bastard that owned the bank, and William Devane. All dead, and surely more to come.

What we lost in William Devane we gained in the return of the unexplained recluse Curtis Manning. While we knew Curtis was still with CTU his on-camera return, capturing Audrey was well done. I wonder if he has forgiven Jack for knocking his ass out in the jeep.

Also we have another group of bad guys that we'll just call "The Earpiece Council" in wrestling they used to have good guys that went bad grow goatees. In 2006 it is more chic to just have them wear those pretentious earpiece headsets connected to their cell phones. My guess is they are the true plotters of today's events and a much needed twist to this story. They were boarding a plane that Jack was seen boarding through the luggage cargo hold.

Add Karen Hayes and Mike Novick to those suspicious of President Logan now. Miles is too busy trying to one-up Chloe and get the absorption of CTU done ahead of schedule.

Next week: Novick confronts Logan and Jack hijacks a plane to stop terrorist activity, isn't THAT irony.

No passing thoughts this week but I will mention that the "pregame" to 24 known as Prisonbreak had the Volkswagen Engineering guy (Representing Deutschland, yo) and the "I never met a guy who didn't want to fuck me the next morning" girl from Entourage on the same show. Next week we supposedly will finally see the REAL ESCAPE attempt. I recommend Prisonbreak as a good warm-up to 24 but don't expect the same captivation.

Now you know Jack Shit.

Cunnilingus & Psychiatry: "Luxury Lounge"

SPOILER SPACE If you don't want any of last night's Sopranos episode spoiled for you do NOT scroll past the image of Artie Bucco.

As predicted, last night was the obligatory "poor Artie" episode of the season. The writers throw these in to make a distinction between Tony's mafia lifestyle and a normal Italian's "honest hard work". While there were some overdone stories from past "poor Artie" episodes, like everything with Artie, the Albanian Martina and Vinny from "Doogie Howser" This episode had another story. Christopha and Little Carmine's attempt to get Sir Ben Kingsley involved in their "Cleaver" project and witnessing the spoils of Hollywood. There was also more T&A than any Sopranos episode in recent memory. In the end the moral of the story was that while New Jersey mafia live better than their Italian brothers outside the business, even they are taken aback by the swag that is thrown at "the people that need it the least", celebrities. Funny since I watch an entire show on these spoils called "Entourage" on HBO. Other passing thoughts:

If Christopha did have to go off the wagon, better it be with a girl like that, those were "some amazing t*ts".

There are cameo appearances, then there are what Wilmer Valderrama did last night and John McCain did on "24" a couple months ago. Do they actually get paid for that?

Murmur is quietly becoming a favorite character of mine on this show. Easily my favorite new character.

Charmaine Bucco= MILF, I wasn't as big of a fan of the Albanian Martina, heard it "goes down easy" though.

You have to have worked in a restaurant to appreciate the look on Artie's face on "Two-fer Day". He didn't just realize he had no "Low-Salt Selections".

Next week we resume the hunt for Vito, which probably means more stereotypical New Hampshire stuff. AJ returns unfortunately but he actually has some scenes with Tony next week which I'm sure James Gandolfini enjoyed. Let's just hope the Janice sabbatical continues.

I used a lot of "quotation marks" on this post. I'm sorry.