Brother Derek draws No. 18

Kentucky Derby favorite and my namesake Brother Derek drew the No. 18 post, meaning he'll be the furthest horse on the outside when the gun sounds at Churchill Downs. Oddsmakers have Brother Derek as the Derby favorite at 3-1.

Drawing No. 17 will be Lawyer Ron, also a fast starter Brother Derek plans to follow Lawyer Ron to the lead position then take over in the latter stakes. Not sure if any Lawyers named Ron are writing blog snippets about their favorite horse...

Ask the Pizza Parlor

This week's questions come from Paul in Staten Island Paul from Staten Island go ahead...


Is there any doubt that if it was revealed Matt Leinart was dating Paris Hilton BEFORE the NFL Draft he would’ve slipped into the Second Round?

Absolutely none, Winston Justice solicited a prostitute and he slipped to the second round, how would this be any different? This can’t be encouraging if you’re a Cardinals fan. Brian Urlacher had his worst year of his career the year he did her. No one has catapulted college sports success into sleeping with more celebrities than Leinart. And anyone who thinks he’ll be concentrating more on football and less on socializing in Arizona hasn’t been to Scottsdale. Leinart will be the first athlete to go on IR with “the clap”.

How does Zach Thomas deal with it when teammates point at Jason Taylor in the shower and say "last night that was in your sister's can?"

At least Zach Thomas’ sister is married to one teammate. When I played high school Lacrosse one of the guy’s sisters was a student-trainer and said there wasn’t anyone on the team (besides her brother)she wouldn’t blow. Of course I had to hear this during the combined 13 months I’ve been in a committed relationship, but I imagine that kid didn’t enjoy his senior year on the Lacrosse team as much as his sister did.

If Manny Ramirez is addicted to 24, does that prove it's a good show, or prove it's only for the simple-minded?

Manny Ramirez watching 24 doesn’t prove it’s for the simple-minded. Jack Bauer knocking out a U.S. Marshal on a flight and no one noticing for 20 minutes proves it’s for the simple-minded. If I were watching 24 for college credit I would probably have transferred by now. But I don’t watch 24 for college credit, I watch it for entertainment. And for an hour every Monday night, 24 entertains me. With the bassy music, illogical plot lines, and numerous explosions 24 is a season long episode of Die-Hard except even more fun to watch. Does that make me simple-minded? For an hour on Mondays, yes. Do I care? No.


Why did Chris Berman give away all the picks during the NFL Draft right before they went to the commissoner's announcement? Why did they even bother with Tagliabue if Berman was going to usurp him?

I blame this on the NFL Network’s presence this year. Both networks were trying to ‘scoop’ each other as if D’Brickashaw Ferguson was the latest victim of a Myspace sexual assault. I’m thinking of inviting Berman to my Fantasy Football draft in August so he can say things like “We know Greco is going to take Marshall Faulk at some point during this draft let’s see if he is the pick here”. I watched quite a bit of NFL Network’s coverage and Corey Chavous was amazing. Every bit Kiper’s equal. The problem is he’s an active NFL player. Does he skip out on film study of the Cardinals’ passing game to go to Senior Bowl practice? Would he ever say “I think the Rams should go defensive back here because all they have is well…me”?

Who will win the John Daly Award for biggest gambling losses at Coach's Bachelor Party?

Whomever bets on Vabilla to win the dance-off against Matt Berkowitz? I’ll say Horse, Paul and Vabilla always win whenever they gamble with us, Coach will too (bachelor party karma), I’ll break even, Beers too. Josh will go on a run convincing Horse to try to “outwin” him and he goes on a poker tailspin. Of course all this changes if there is an OTB pit on the boat and I can somehow get on in time to put down $100 on Brother Derek in the Kentucky Derby.

Jack Shit:"2:00am-3:00am"

(SPOILER SPACE: If you do not want any of Monday's episode of '24' spoiled for you do NOT scroll down past the picture of President Charles Logan)


Last Night was Oz hour as Alvarez and Officer Brass both had guest roles on the show. Alvarez as a US Marshall that Jack knocked out to help hijack the plane to get back the recording implicating President Logan. Brass played Ross a bar patron whom Chloe stun gunned TWICE because he was hitting on her while she was trying to connect to CTU through a dry wi-fi connection in a hotel bar. Apparently in L.A. during martial law even hotel bars are open til 3am, crazy place California is.

I imagine '24' is the hardest show on television to write for. The plot twists and real time format make it very difficult. That said, I'm sure a season is written and when it's separated into 24 episodes, some storylines may be stretched out in order to complete the format. This is what I think is happening here. Last night's episode was the slowest episode of 24, maybe ever. Everything was Jack on the Plane, Martha Logan at the retreat, and Chloe, Buchanan and Hayes with the meddling of Miles. Of course Jack got the recording and of course President Logan will try to have the plane shot down and of course Jack will escape that somehow. These events are pretty predictable. Right now I'm predicting a Bauer interrogation of Logan as the big payoff with that German Agent giving Bauer's location up to the Chinese as the end of season cliffhanger.

If you are wondering if the President Logan character is just another evil Republican on a show written by liberal Hollywood writers, you may want to read this New York Post Interview with Gregory Itzin the man who plays President Logan. The show is created by Joel Surnow who is a Republican and frequent guest on the Rush Limbaugh show and Howard Gordon a liberal. Logan doesn't believe his character is supposed to be like Nixon or Bush, he does pattern his mannerisms after JFK somewhat though. He claims it's never said what party Logan is from although many times political disagreements are referenced between him and known Democrat David Palmer and succeeded President Keeler (we still don't know how), who ran against Palmer in the election during Season 3.

Now you know Jack Shit.

Error Rookie Cards Make a Comeback

I didn't even know baseball cards were still being made after 1992 but in the tradition of Billy Ripken, a new error card is worth thousands more than it should be.

Topps produced an Alex Gordon rookie card even though the card company made an agreement with Major League Baseball not to produce cards for players that had yet to play in a Major League game and weren't on team's opening day 25 man roster. Gordon did neither for the Kansas City Royals.

His cards were made accidentally and shipped mainly to Wal-Mart's across the country. One kid in Wichita KS, acquired five of the cards and sold them for $5,591. Collector's believe that since Topps caught the mistake early that the Gordon card is extremely rare and almost impossible to find if you were to say, go to Wal-Mart tonight.

Cunnilingus & Psychiatry: "Johnny Cakes"

(SPOILER SPACE: If you don't want any of Sunday's Sopranos episode spoiled for you, do not scroll past the picture of A.J. Soprano and a girl out of his league)


Vito is still in podunk New Hampshire witnessing an act of heroism and enjoying the warm welcomes by the nice people (half of them gay) of New Hampshire. I keep searching online for the editorial in the ultra-conservative Manchester Union-Leader outraged at this plotline. Hasn't come yet, surprisingly. Turns out there is mutual attraction between him and Johnny the diner owner/fireman. Not until after Vito gets his ass kicked by him after resisting his advances. I guess if you're gay, a guy that can kick your ass turns you on. I pass no judgment.

For 5 1/4 seasons, Robert Iler playing A.J. Soprano has done nothing but say "So what No Fucking Ziti?!" and getting arrested between every season. This week A.J. was at the center of the episode, pretending to be connected to impress his friends and ladies at the club. While drunk, he gets the idea to go after Uncle Junior with a knife but couldn't make himself step up and was apprehended at the mental hospital. No way to say thanks for the $400 surfboard, A.J. The payoff is an intense scene with Tony and A.J. where Tony faces what his son has become and is noticably scared for him. He tells him that killing is wrong. This could be one of those hidden turning points in the series.

Also wrong is cheating on your wife that presses and buttons your French Blue shirt for you. When Julianna Marguiles, playing a Real Estate Broker purchasing a Poultry Shop, unbuttons the shirt, he flips out and refuses her advances then gets mad at Carmela because of the lack of Smoked Turkey in the house. I can sympathize because when I turn down sex it's because of the prospect of a Smoked Turkey sandwich later.

Next week Janice returns (boo!) and Paulie gets in another spat with another family member, this time Bobby Bacala.

Cutler and Javon Thoughts

Jay Cutler QB, Vanderbilt- I was down on Cutler on Friday's Mock First Round and text messaged Paul Saturday "Noooooo" when I saw Denver had traded up and Cutler was on the phone here is why. While Vanderbilt is a great school academically and the SEC provided some talented competition, Cutler only won 11 games in four years in college. He never played in a bowl game, never played for the right to play in a bowl game. Vanderbilt games usually provide a giggle on the ESPN Sports Ticker especially against the conference's powerhouse schools so he rarely played in a close pressurized situation. The move to trade up to get him floors me for two reasons 1) Regardless of the opinion of Shanahan and the personnel staff, the team did have immediate needs and didn't address them through Free Agency. Players to address those needs were on the board and they chose to take a Quarterback of the Future. 2) Jake Plummer had his best season as a Bronco, two years ago he threw 21 Interceptions and there was no urgency to trade up to get an Aaron Rodgers or even draft a Charlie Frye. What do the Broncos see in Cutler that made him so special to make him the product of this offseason's clever draft pick manuevering? Wouldn't such a move upset the fragile ego of Plummer? I know that's nothing I should worry about but will the Denver media accept Cutler's presence as a two year apprenticeship or will there be instant quarterback controversy in Denver? We will probably be waiting two years to find out, God willing.

I do like that Cutler shares a name with a Mr. Universe and is from Santa Claus, Indiana though. Saturday was his birthday. Happy Birthday! Now don't be a bust!

Javon Walker WR, Green Bay- As much as the Cutler move baffled me, I am sold on this move. Even though Walker only had one stellar season as a pro and was hurt all of last year. The Broncos don't draft well at Wide Receiver and the talent at that position this year was questionable. They had to get younger at the position though and this was the best way to get there and they only gave up a Second Round pick which they had two of to do it.



For my thoughts on the rest of the Broncos draft go to The Horsehead