Government Solution to a Muddled Singles Scene
First of all, bars, nightclubs, and social establishments would have to
apply for a Singles License, just like a Liquor License. If they do not
comply with certain standards, they would only be permitted to allow
married and/or engaged people in their clubs (signified by a wedding
and/or engagement ring). One condition of this license would be the
adherence to a bracelet/necklace/watchtag system. And it would go as
Bracelets- The Bracelet would speak to your availability (taken, single,
and everything in between)
Red Bracelet- In a committed relationship, hands off (red
bracelets are applied for after 6 months)
Orange Bracelet- Dating, probably not looking to meet anyone
else to date (orange bracelets are applied for after 1 week)
Yellow Bracelet- Recently broken up, proceed with caution
(yellow bracelets can be applied for upon break up)
Green Bracelet- Single, unattached (Green Bracelets would be
handed out to all who do not apply for the first three)
Beads- Beads would speak to someone's interest in meeting someone that
night (all singles would receive one of each), they would be offered in
classic Mardi Gras (Purple, Gold, Green) colors.
Purple Beads- Girls or Guys' night out, all members of the opposite sex
should only approach someone with these beads if they are in a large
group, and of course spot Green Bracelets on all.
Gold Beads- Signifies you are with friends but are not held to only
hanging out with them, open to meeting someone if Mr./Ms. Right comes
Green Beads- Signifies there are no rules to the night between you and
your friends, feel free to approach and strike conversation
Watchtags- Watchtags would be very small, and would tie to the band of
your watch, you could probably tuck your watchtag underneath your watch
if you did not want the message of your watchtag to be known. Watchtags
would speak to the possibility of having sex with you upon first
contact. Simple color system.
White Watchtag- No Way
Gray Watchtag- If the time, guy/girl, and amount of drinks
bought are right.
Black Watchtag- Horny
Any behavior contradictory to the messages of these accessories could be
reported to the Federal Bureau of Singlehood and could provoke
punishments of probation, banishment from certain or all single
Bureaucracy cures all. I think too much.