Go Away!...and Give me Money!!

Here is the list of people who have a claim to sue the makers of 'Borat'(7 out of 8 Pizza Slices).

1. The Minister who owned the house where Borat has the dinner where he put his shit in a bag and invites a black prostitute into the house.

2. The owner of the Antique shop where Borat breaks everything and settles for a couple hundred bucks.

3. Me, still not able to get that hotel room scene out of my head.

(Everybody else in the movie...)

78. The Victoria's Secret mannequin Borat jerks off in front of in Manhattan.

79. This guy

80. Those South Carolina frat guys who I assume got most of their scene cut out of the DVD.

Pizza Parlor Review: Knocked Up

(SPOILER ALERT: I'm not a good enough movie critic to write a review without spoilers so if you don't want any of 'Knocked Up' spoiled for you Do NOT scroll past the picture of the movie poster)



Such is becoming tradition in Hollywood that whenever two supporting characters supposedly "steal a show" in a hit comedy, it makes sense to spin off that success with the actors who played said characters in their own movie either playing the same characters or different.

Seth Rogen and Paul Rudd (known as the "You're so gay..." guys from 40-Year Old Virgin) star along with Katherine Heigl and her breasts in the positively reviewed comedy "Knocked Up".

Rogen plays Benjamin Stone, a 23 year old webpage developer with no steady income who has a one-night stand with Allison Scott, and E! News Daily reporter played by Heigl (and her breasts). Their morning after awkwardness (symbolized by a goodbye hug/attempted peck kiss, which I found funny) is magnified eight weeks later when Scott is found to be pregnant. While Stone and Scott immediately decide to keep the baby and try to make a relationship work. Stone is torn between Scott and his old life and friends (played by a collection of "that guys" none bringing too much to the table).

Their couple struggles parallel Scott's sister Debbie played by Leslie Mann (not Bibb) and her husband Pete, played by Rudd. Debbie's discovery that Pete was "cheating" on her by playing Fantasy Baseball at the same time Allison decides her and Ben can't make it work, lead to Rogen and Rudd's characters going to Vegas, parodizing "Swingers", taking psychadelic mushrooms in one of the funnier parts of the movie.

Major cameos in the film are Ryan Seacrest (who I was supposed to be surprised hear dropping F-bombs) and Steve Carrell (I was waiting for this the whole time).

The movie definitely has its laugh out loud moments and enough of them to make it worth seeing in theaters and spending 8 bucks. IT IS NOT FUNNIER THAN 40-YEAR OLD VIRGIN. Whoever said that was on crack. If there's one more thing I can put in caps. DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE ON A FIRST OR SECOND DATE. It is the advertisement for the Fast Forward Relationship.

The biggest disappointment is Ben's four buddies. They really bring nothing to the table except Pot Humor which I didn't even find funny when I was 19, nonetheless 29. I don't expect any of them to get their own movie anytime soon.

I give "Knocked Up" 5 out of 8 Pizza Slices.

Catching Up: The Sopranos

Perhaps the most conspicuous part of my silence came during this final season of The Sopranos, specifically last Sunday's epic penultimate (one of my favorite words) episode which saw (if you haven't seen by this point, you aren't enough of a Sopranos fan for me to care about spoiling it for you) the death of Bobby Baccala and the TV Death of Silvio Dante (Out for Season, Coma). Luckily for me Paul and Scott covered the episode beautifully.

Often times penultimate episodes provide more action and plot development than finales which usually serve to tie loose ends and summarize. I find people's predictions for the finale fall in line with other they shows they watch besides the The Sopranos:

If you expect Tony to get shot out of nowhere and die after he thinks its safe to rejoin his family...then you've confused The Sopranos with 'Oz'.

If you expect Paulie to have been working for Phil Leotardo, butchering the hit on purpose and giving up the safe house location for Tony to die in an ambush...then you've confused The Sopranos with '24' or WWE.

If you expect Tony to get nabbed by the feds and thrown in jail for a rap he can no longer beat...then you've confused The Sopranos with "Law and Order".

If you expect Meadow to give up Law School and become a dancer at the Bada Bing...then you've confused The Sopranos with "The Sopornos" or your own fantasies.

If you expect Phil to get nabbed by the feds before the hit on Tony goes through, Tony to come home to a large family dinner after a heart to heart with Uncle Junior talk about family and future and love. Then you've confused The Sopranos with The Sopranos and you're probably right.

Catching Up: Why the Hiatus?

As some of you have suspected, the panning from Bar Stool Sports sent me into a "Writer's Funk" where writing felt like more of a waste of time than anything else.
After the debacle which was my "Church of Piolichick" column, I quickly wrote my editor with another column, a well researched link-filled look at other Major League contenders other than the Yankees that could not be labeled a "weak effort", and a professional apology for how the previous column was received.

This was his response...






Nor was the column ever posted. The lack of professionalism surprised me even for a free newspaper and viral website. Funny thing is I sensed a harbinger to this when my editor thanked me for my draft work by saying I did great work "for a Bar Stool rookie". While I stand by my last column with them, even though it wasn't my best work, I admit I made the mistake of writing for what I thought the audience was rather than writing as myself.

Anyway the embarrassment made me trigger shy with my writing causing the hiatus on this blog, but the good news is I am now over it. I am working on another blog project that will allow me to write sportswriting that comes easily to me and is enjoyable (If you want a hint, this project will launch in August). I am back to posting to this blog regularly or at least as regularly as I can.

I am also about to embark on the "Summer of a Lifetime", loaded with bachelor parties, weddings, and a vacation. This is the first summer with my new laptop which will make blogging the events of this summer even more fun and timely.

As always I thank you for reading and promise more quality posts in the future.