Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Ask the Pizza Parlor

This week's questions come from Paul in Staten Island Paul from Staten Island go ahead...

Is there any doubt that if it was revealed Matt Leinart was dating Paris Hilton BEFORE the NFL Draft he would’ve slipped into the Second Round?

Absolutely none, Winston Justice solicited a prostitute and he slipped to the second round, how would this be any different? This can’t be encouraging if you’re a Cardinals fan. Brian Urlacher had his worst year of his career the year he did her. No one has catapulted college sports success into sleeping with more celebrities than Leinart. And anyone who thinks he’ll be concentrating more on football and less on socializing in Arizona hasn’t been to Scottsdale. Leinart will be the first athlete to go on IR with “the clap”.

How does Zach Thomas deal with it when teammates point at Jason Taylor in the shower and say "last night that was in your sister's can?"

At least Zach Thomas’ sister is married to one teammate. When I played high school Lacrosse one of the guy’s sisters was a student-trainer and said there wasn’t anyone on the team (besides her brother)she wouldn’t blow. Of course I had to hear this during the combined 13 months I’ve been in a committed relationship, but I imagine that kid didn’t enjoy his senior year on the Lacrosse team as much as his sister did.

If Manny Ramirez is addicted to 24, does that prove it's a good show, or prove it's only for the simple-minded?

Manny Ramirez watching 24 doesn’t prove it’s for the simple-minded. Jack Bauer knocking out a U.S. Marshal on a flight and no one noticing for 20 minutes proves it’s for the simple-minded. If I were watching 24 for college credit I would probably have transferred by now. But I don’t watch 24 for college credit, I watch it for entertainment. And for an hour every Monday night, 24 entertains me. With the bassy music, illogical plot lines, and numerous explosions 24 is a season long episode of Die-Hard except even more fun to watch. Does that make me simple-minded? For an hour on Mondays, yes. Do I care? No.

Why did Chris Berman give away all the picks during the NFL Draft right before they went to the commissoner's announcement? Why did they even bother with Tagliabue if Berman was going to usurp him?

I blame this on the NFL Network’s presence this year. Both networks were trying to ‘scoop’ each other as if D’Brickashaw Ferguson was the latest victim of a Myspace sexual assault. I’m thinking of inviting Berman to my Fantasy Football draft in August so he can say things like “We know Greco is going to take Marshall Faulk at some point during this draft let’s see if he is the pick here”. I watched quite a bit of NFL Network’s coverage and Corey Chavous was amazing. Every bit Kiper’s equal. The problem is he’s an active NFL player. Does he skip out on film study of the Cardinals’ passing game to go to Senior Bowl practice? Would he ever say “I think the Rams should go defensive back here because all they have is well…me”?

Who will win the John Daly Award for biggest gambling losses at Coach's Bachelor Party?

Whomever bets on Vabilla to win the dance-off against Matt Berkowitz? I’ll say Horse, Paul and Vabilla always win whenever they gamble with us, Coach will too (bachelor party karma), I’ll break even, Beers too. Josh will go on a run convincing Horse to try to “outwin” him and he goes on a poker tailspin. Of course all this changes if there is an OTB pit on the boat and I can somehow get on in time to put down $100 on Brother Derek in the Kentucky Derby.


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