Pizza Marketing 101: What NOT to Do

I've only been back in the Marketing Department of a restaurant chain known for pizza for a month but even I know this was a bad idea.

Papa John's in an attempt to gain exposure in the saturated restaurant market of Washington, DC decided to print t-shirts with a number 23 on the back and the name "Crybaby" on the top for fans to wear during the Washington Wizards-Cleveland Cavaliers opening round series at the Verizon Center. They looked liked this.



Of course the implication that Cleveland's star player Lebron James (23) was a "crybaby" upset many Ohioans who threatened a boycott.

So, in an attempt to appease these fans, Papa John's offered 23 cent Large One-Topping pizzas yesterday.

So of course,thousands waited hours in line on Thursday and as every pizza restaurant from Acropolis to Papa John's to your swankiest Italian neighborhood pizzeria does, they ran out of dough and had to shut doors on people who had been waiting for hours.

So post-mortem here's what was accomplished.

1. Pissing off a whole state by placating a couple thousand customers in an another area just to produce a witty t-shirt.

2. Selling pizza in that state for one day at a loss which is almost impossible to do for pizza.

3. Shutting doors on customers in the already pissed off area when you eventually run out of product.

Now even though the makers of the T-Shirt have been proven to be right (Lebron doesn't flop necessarily he "oversells" like he got shot everytime he gets touched) and Bertuccci's has over 45 restaurants in New England and none in Ohio. Bertuccci's will not be taking part in any promotion that could lead to such a backlash. Needless to say.

NOW I see his point

Paul doesn't play Fantasy Games with me because there's a chance I can get lucky and beat him

This weekend I'll explain my rationale for each and every pick and Paul will poke his eyes out.

All-Star Games

I disagree somewhat with Paul on baseball's All-Star Game. Before that let me run down my opinions on each sports All-Star Game.

NFL Pro Bowl- By far the worst, half the named roster players sit out to the point that Trent Green and Steve McNair become "Pro Bowl Quarterbacks", there's no blitzing so the linebackers named to the game don't even get to show why they were named to the game in the first place. This absolutely should be replaced by a televised lavish banquet (like tonight's ESPY's) and the right to wear a gold patch on the shoulder of the best player (in the NFL) at each position.

NHL All-Star Game- So what if Alexander Ocherjlahjhsak from Tampa Bay had a Hat Trick. So did Oleg Jkrjewersac from Anaheim and Bret Hykcwzkcwzkckz from Edmonton. In fact the score was Who's He 12, Huh? 8.

NBA All-Star Game- An overly produced pickup game. Which takes place on what I call "Affirmative Action Day" after the Daytona 500. After Fox tries to find every black guy in Daytona, TNT shows pregame performances by Maroon 5, Foo Fighters, and Sugarland as both sports try to avoid being pigeonholed demographically.

MLB All-Star Game- I can see how Mets fans must hate the "This Time it Counts" clause, but even they have to admit this added to the excitement of last night's Bottom of the Ninth Inning. Of all the All-Star Games I've watched, last night felt the most like a regular season game. All the AL's runs were scored off pitchers on teams in Pennant contention as of the All-Star Break.

I know I'm in the minority in this but I like that every team must be represented in the game for a few reasons.

1) Feel good stories like Dmitri Young get to be told

2) Those that are still loyal Royals fans deserve the possibility of seeing a player on their team play in the All-Star Game even if it is Gil Meche. If a year came where three or four teams didn't have a player on the All-Star Game the game runs the risk of getting 5th place ratings in those markets and Fox would not get their moneys worth.

3) It also prevents a situation where three pitchers on one team need to be used in the game, rendering them useless the first three games of the second half.

I too have no idea why Tony LaRussa didn't pitch hit Albert Pujols for Aaron Rowand with the bases loaded. I think he may have forgotten Pujols was there and on his team that night. This might have been Tony LaRussa's first sign of age.