Jack in a Box: Something to Remember...

For all those who are outraged at the casting of Jeannine Garafalo, or excited over the casting of the actor who plays Billy Walsh on Entourage, into the 7th season of '24'.

Remember around this time last year, we heard of the news that Kal Penn of Harold and Kumar fame was casted for Season 6.

Penn's character was dead by the fourth hour (the end of the two-day season premiere)

Jack in a Box: Season 6 (in Review)

Spoilers don't start until the "The World is Saved but..." paragraph. So if you don't want to find out anything, you should be fine.

In the beginning: America is reeling from a series of successful terrorist attacks in Baltimore, San Antonio, Los Angeles and several other cities. The one man that can stop the attacks, Jack Bauer is being returned from China, effectively throwing away last season's finale cliffhanger, to the terrorists in exchange for an end to the attacks.

The Threat: On this day, five suitcase nukes, with only one going off. Then "The Component", part of the nukes with Russian weaponry secrets causing a triangle of tensions between the US, China, and Russia.

12-Hour Villians: Abu Fayed and Dmitri Gredeynko, far and away the worst bad guys in 24 history. These guys were beaten at every phase of their plan except for the first nuke launch in hour 4. Both perished, Fayed after a fight scene with Jack that was one of the season's highlights, Gredeynko appropriately fainting into the tide due to loss of blood from an arm severed to avoid CTU detection. Actually the first 18 hours was about these two clowns.

Real Villian(s): Jack's father Phillip and his captor Cheng Zhi, conspire to get "The Component" into Chinese hands in exchange for Jack's nephew Josh abducted in a raid on CTU.

Their Reason: For Cheng it is still revenge for Jack's attack on the Chinese consul in season 4. For Phillip, he says he wants to raise Josh as another son, for one (Jack) abandoned him to serve the military and the other was disposed of as part of Phillip's conspiracy.

Political Angle: In a climate that would befuddle present day political scientists, the country goes from the appeasement policies of President Wayne (David's brother) Palmer towards Muslim-Americans and "Fayed's country" to Vice President Daniels' Neo-Conservative policies of pre-emptive strikes after a failed assassination attempt led by followers of Daniels incapacitates Palmer.

The Mole(s): None, Daniels' assistant/girlfriend's information was being sent to the Russians by her other boyfriend a lobbyist by the name of Mark Bishop but the Mole technique was one of few not repeated from other seasons this season.

The World is Saved but…: The World was going to be saved by an air strike by F-18s on an oil rig where Phillip and Cheng were exchanging "The Component" for Josh. The only issue in doubt was whether young Josh would be lifted before the strike and if Jack would survive. He was and he did. However Jack is forced to finally concede that he must let go of her latest love, Audrey Raines, for her protection and ends the day in a moment of introspection looking along the Pacific Ocean.

Thoughts: Here is my ongoing rank of Seasons:

1. Season 4
2. Season 1
3. Season 3
4. Season 5
5. Season 2
Last and definitely least. Season 6. Everyone from fans, to the writers all the way up to executives at Fox are conceding this. From the storylines and characters solely written to soften criticism from Muslim Advocacy groups angry over the Abu Fayed character to the "cameo appearances" of The Logans, Aaron Pierce, Audrey and James Heller (too many for a show that's supposed to start where each episode left off), to the idiot antagonists whom I was never afraid of would ever be successful, even to the anti-climactic (although well written and acted) ending. This season missed TERRIBLY. The DVD will be the most excruciating Chrismas present decision ever. What won't be an excruciating decision will be in January 2008 when'24' will get a chance to redeem itself. I'll be there. Changes are expected, I'll only forecast a more character driven, less political plot for Day 7.

Jack in a Box: The Death Scenes

The one that set Jack off, Teri Bauer (Season One)...


George Mason (Season Two)…


Nina Myers (Season Three)…


Perhaps the best of all of them, Ryan Chappelle (Season Three)


David Palmer (Season Five)…


Michelle Dessler (Season Five)…


Tony Almeida? (Season Five)...


The saddest, Edgar Stiles (Season Five)…


Curtis Manning (Season Six)…


Milo Pressman (Season Six)

Jack in a Box: Producers vow to Reinvent Show Next Season

I'm positive that Season Six of '24' will be subjected to Scott's newest feature This is Why You Suck...

As much of a Bauerhead as anybody, I have to admit this season has been a miss, on almost all fronts.

Well the good news is the writers of '24' have noticed.

"It hurts to hear the criticism," said executive producer and writer Howard Gordon. "I don't dispute it's been a challenging season to write for us. But it's reinvigorated our determination to reinvent the show. This year could be seen to be the last iteration of it in its current state."

I certainly have my ideas...

-Never have another Muslim Antagonist: Not for the PC reasons you think. Because the writers over-compensated for the character of Abu Fayed with preachy writing over how all Muslims aren't bad and how intrusive policies with regards to Muslim Americans don't work. I would much rather have been spared all this and had the bad guys be British.

-Pick a fucking President!: This coaching carousel of Presidents is perhaps the most far fetched of plots in a show I willingly suspend disbelief for.

-Decide what to do with the "Cameo Characters": It does no good to bring in The Logans, Aaron, Kim, Audrey, James Heller for one episode and then just have them go away without any character development at all. The audience justifiably ends up feeling more robbed at the end, then they are suprised at the beginning.

(You solve both these problems if James Heller (William Devane) takes the Oval Office next season and keeps it until the end of the series). But my guess is with all these cameo returns that the producers seem to prefer dealing with William Devane in doses.

-Bring back the everyday elements of the show: As much as you hear "You want to see Jack go to the bathroom", scenes of Jack falling asleep and rushing through a first meal at 4pm in the first season, reminded the audience that the season was taking place during the course of one day. Its easy to forget, especially when all the surprises are happening at 5 minutes to the hour.

-Move the show: New York or better yet, Washington, DC would be refreshing new venues for the show. You could still shoot most of the show in California for weather reasons, then move any landmark locations scenes to DC for filming. With all the fans in Congress, I'm sure they could film and do whatever they want.

-Kill Kim: It's time. She's dead weight. In fact her character was already written off when she gave Jack her "I associate you with grief" walk out. If she was dead it would take Jack to another dark place and motivate him to go apeshit in Season 7.

Jack in a Box: 10 Things we know about Season 6

It's been a while since I last wrote about '24' as its been all hoops all the time for the past three weeks. So to help you catch up, here are 10 things we know from watching Season 6 so far.

10. Jack Bauer is in Foul Trouble- Or at least that's the only explanation I can think of as to why we've seen so little Jack at points during this season. When he's not resting in Medical or hanging out in Charles Logan's stable. Let's hope cutting off the Russian Consul's finger with a cigar cutter was his third and CTU is resting Jack for a frantic run of hostile killing late in the day.

9. Ricky Schroeder is still the "Silver Spoons Kid"- He can do "NYPD Blue", "24", and about eighty "Law and Order"s, he's STILL the Silver Spoons kid.

8. We're Going through Presidents Like Crazy- In approximately four years we've had five Presidents. Keeler-Logan-Gardner-Palmer-Daniels. Hockey teams don't go through coaches this fast.

7. Somehow a Neo-Con got on a Democratic Ticket- How did Daniels get elected with Wayne Palmer? Did MoveOn.org endorse these two? This is like Barack Obama being succeeded by Dick Cheney. What liberal views does Daniels have? Does he have a radical Health Care Bill? Has he moved to eliminate Corporate Welfare? I have a hard time picturing him supporting Gay Marriage.

6. We are On the Brink of War with...umm...uhh...Country to be Named Never- Might as well make up a fake country at this point. Call it Muslimia or something. Make it like the 555 area code for all politically correct minded shows to use. Funny how Jack didn't get captured by "Some Asian Country with Lots of People" and Logan didn't sign a treaty with "A former Communist Superpower".

5. You Can get Booze into CTU- All the background and schematic information on every person and place in the world. Yet as diligent as the Brewster/Boland RSA's searching my backpack for 40's from Aldo's when it comes to sneaking booze in. Maybe Morris said it was for the "1,000th Dead Terrorist Party" the next day.

4. Torture=Ratings- "Save the Cheerleader, Save the World" and "Are You on the List" face promotional competition from "You will experience a pain I can't even begin to describe!" and "I'll start cutting your fingers off one by one!"

3. Jack missed some Interesting Thanksgivings- "Graham, how is the new global conspiracy coming to kill your brother, pass the cranberrry sauce", "Graham, you notice how much your son looks like your brother that your wife used to bang? Pass the rolls"

2. Muslims aren't Bad People, Muslims aren't Bad People- Only the one trying to set off the nuclear weapons is.

1. These Terrorists Suck!- Habib Marwan must be rolling in his grave. Abu Fayed and Dimitri Gredenyko had five suitcase nukes. One got set off in a tiny LA suburb then blown out to see by the wind. One got defused. And the latest one got flown into the ground by a means similar to that of an arcade video game. I bet if you pushed A, B, A, B, Up, Down, Up, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B,A Start the other two nukes would diffuse and we could end this season by the 18th hour.

Jack in a Box: Surprise it took this long...

Some Human Rights group has a problem with the popular interrogation scenes on '24'

Of course this group has no comment on terrorists sticking a drill bit in a CTU employee's shoulder.

Oh yeah, Why do the terrorists have to be Muslim?

I'm getting a little sick of this and the inability of people to understand the existence of evil in the world towards America that was proven to exist just over five years ago. Here's hoping next season Jack takes these hippies to task.

Of course MSNBC will do a segment on how evil '24' is every chance they get. They might as well say "watch Heroes on NBC where all the bad guys are white!"