Tale of the Tape
Pope Benedict vs. Eggs Benedict
OK, after my previous post a few of you have cared to let me know that the newly-elected pontiff of the Catholic Church is not the guy who invented Eggs Benedict. While this clears up some confusion, it raises concern as to if the new Pope is worthy of the name of such great breakfast. To determine so, lets do a Tale of the Tape.
FIRST THE INTRODUCTIONS
Pope Benedict: A German Cardinal, whom after serving as Cardinal Ratzinger for over thirty years was elected Pope on Tuesday after a two day Conclave.
Eggs Benedict: Usually two eggs, poached, served on top of ham, on top of English Muffin, all topped with Hollandaise Sauce.
PALACE IN WHICH THEY RULE
Pope Benedict: Vatican City's Sistine Chapel
Eggs Benedict: Any 24 hour diner or bed and breakfast.
EDGE: Eggs
POWER
Pope Benedict: The ablity to serve as a direct descendent to God for the world's over 1 billion Roman Catholics and head of the largest land owning enterprise in the world.
Eggs Benedict: The ability to provide Derek with late-night or early morning contentment in the absence of more alcohol or a sub-average looking woman.
EDGE: Pope, I'll give him this one.
ACCOMPANYING ENTOURAGE
Pope Benedict: Over 115 Cardinals from all over the world.
Eggs Benedict: For me, Corned Beef Hash, but some people like just hash browns.
EDGE: Eggs, especially if they let you substitute the Corned Beef Hash, if its extra so be it.
CONCERNING ISSUES
Pope Benedict: Will the staunchly conservative German Pope be able to reach out to Jews and other minorities, like his predecssor John Paul II.
Eggs Benedict: Is the Hollandaise Sauce Instant? or Homemade?
EDGE: Push, nothings better than homemade Hollandaise
INTEREST IN THE UNITED STATES
Pope Benedict: Heavy in the Northeast and large cities, but little interest in the South where Methodists and Baptists are more abundant.
Eggs Benedict: More popular in the Northeast and large cities, less popular in the South where Waffle House lets you put Chili and Jalopenos on your Hash Browns, but does not offer an Eggs Benedict.
EDGE: I don't know if there's an edge here, I just wanted to give Waffle House a mention (Scattered, Smothered, Covered, Chopped, Topped, Diced, AND Peppered!)
POLITICAL STRUGGLES EACH MUST FACE
Pope Benedict: The rising number of progressive Western Cardinals.
Eggs Benedict: The rising power of the Western Omellete.
EDGE: Pope, the Western Omellette is no match.
MAJOR CRISIS EACH MUST FACE
Pope Benedict: How to restore the credibility of the Catholic Church, especially in America after the recent Child Sex Abuse Scandals.
Eggs Benedict: How to make one without making me take a twenty minute dump one hour after I leave the diner.
EDGE: Pope, but both are daunting tasks.
RESULT
3-3: Looks as though we have a push and that the new Pope is worthy of the name Benedict after all, of course he could cement his legacy already by blessing a diner or homemade hollandaise sauce or making Eggs Benedict standard fare for Easter or something. Long Live the Pope! and Long Live Eggs Benedict!
