Annotated Pizza Parlor

This time we get an apology, a serious look at traction and a not-so-serious look at strip clubs.

The set-up: Derek has a burning question.
The quip: If you give a stripper a dollar on "Amatuer Night" does that nullify her amateur status?
The read: There are no governing bodies for strippers, and attempts for strippers to unionize have been regional and small. That makes it hard to determine a solid answer to this question. But I think most reasonable people would agree that a professional stripper has a steady gig at the club, while an amateur dances for the fun of it, and the occassional dollar bill.

The set-up: After a paragraph praising me, Derek had to show the other side.
The quip: On the contrary, Paul sat me down in a chair 30 minutes before going out on a bachelor party, and told me that I was grossly overweight and in danger of dropping dead.
The read: I'm sorry. I don't know why I did that and I feel badly about it.

The set-up: Derek takes another shot at me.
The quip: Sometimes he is just a dick.
The read: Yeah, I guess I am.

The set-up: Derek watches soap operas.
The quip: Belle grew from age 6 to age 16 over the course a sweeps month weekend.
The read: Soap operas often change actors frequently to accelerate the growth of the child characters. Its fun to have a baby on the show, cute to have a toddler, but until that child becomes a hot teenager who blossoms breasts and can be used in romatinc angles, there isn't much use for the character.

The set-up: Derek describes my courtship of Kate.
The quip: He would call Kate "Mick Foley" and ask her to hit him with chair shots.
The read: Mick Foley aka Mankind aka Cactus Jack aka Dude Love is the king of hardcore.

The set-up: Derek explains how he met Kate.
The quip: Kate lived in the sorority house that I worked in as a lunch/dinner houseboy.
The read: Derek used to mop the floors of the sorority house. He would sing "mop, mop, mop, all day long. Mop, mop, mop while I sing my song." We thought his experience would make him a good mopper. One time we asked Derek to mop the bathroom. He left a pool of standing water on the bathroom floor. Josh took one step and slid across the bathroom floor. We started laughing, then Josh said he could have been hurt and someone mentioned that Josh could have ended up in traction. Traction is a sustained pull applied mechanically especially to the arm, leg, or neck so as to correct fractured or dislocated bones, overcome muscle spasms, or relieve pressure. Josh told us that Erin's dad was in traction and we shouldn't laugh about it. Then he uttered the famous words "traction ain't no joke."

The set-up: Derek explains the wedding ceremony.
The quip: Kate walked in a square.
The read: They were circles, 7 circles.

The set-up: Derek tells us what he did after the wedding.
The quip: The A&E 24 marathon is still going on which makes it easy to decline the $15 hotel pron as nightcap.
The read: This is a lie. Derek has never passed up hotel porn in his life.

The set-up: Derek discusses Georgia's chances against South Carolina.
The quip: Did Georgia blow out the entire Boise State team or just Jared Lorenzen?
The read: Jared Zabransky is the quarterback for Boise State. Jared Lorenzen went to the University of Kentucky. He is now the 280 pound backup for the New York Giants. He is also the proud owner of several good nicknames: J.lo, The Hefty Lefy and the Pillsbury Throw Boy.