The Pizza Parlor's Take: Rocky Balboa

(SPOILER ALERT: If you don't want any of "Rocky Balboa" spoiled for you do NOT scroll past the picture of...well...Rocky Balboa)


I went to see "Rocky Balboa" last night. I had always planned to see it and the mixed reviews it has gotten only added to my curiosity. All in all, as much as I tried to get into this Rocky, I was left disappointed and underwhelmed.

There are two types of Rocky fans, those that are captured by the gritty underdog story showcased in movies I and II, and those who love Rocky as good overcoming evil in movies III and IV. Assuming no one liked V, which had a few quality moments but is unforgivable for pulling the soap opera trick and having Rocky come back from Russia and find his son grown seven years. That is my only real problem with Rocky V but it is a huge one.

Well, this movie is for fans of I and II. In fact there are so many references to the first two movies, and while I've seen them I haven't seen them nearly as much as III and IV, that most of the movie is lost on me. I was left wondering, what happened to Mr. T's cameo, where were any Russians (they could've made Drago's wife a Philly prostitute or something), and what irreconcilable differences couldn't be set aside for Survivor get back together and come up with one more song for this series?

Supposedly Clubber Lang and Ivan Drago had roles in the original writing of the film. Lang as a guest commentator and Drago stricken of AIDS as a result of his steroid use. Apparently, Mr. T was replaced by Mike Tyson as the obnoxious Mason Dixon hater and by Max Kellerman on commentary (who did a great job). I have to assume more sound minds wrote off Drago's storyline. For this movie was depressing enough.

So what we get is almost a remake of Rocky I. Except with Rocky finding companionship with a homely bartender and his son (played by Milo Ventimiglia, who is believe it or not NO RELATION to Artie Bucco-John Ventimiglia) who is trying to make a career but finds himself constantly in the shadow of his father. We get three impassioned dialogues from Sylvester Stallone, one to Paulie about "the beast within", one to the Pennsylvania Athletic Commission about "rights", and one to his son about "getting hit by life". All of them while not Oscar worthy won't remind you of the comical "I'm afraid!" dialogue from Rocky III. Speaking of which, the decision to kill of Adrian was a smart one in that 1) It pretty much is the plot of this movie and 2) You can only hear her try to convince Rocky not to fight so many times.

Antonio Tarver is convincing enough as he is not necessarily a heel. He himself is searching for self-respect and the movie is very accurate to the climate of boxing today like no other Rocky movie had been. I enjoyed that he had a ten person entourage with four people holding belts behind him at all times. I assume this movie will be on HBO next year, either that or Showtime or Starz! will have to do a lot of editing.

Anyway, if you replaced Jim Lampley with Barry Tompkins, added a Survivor song and at least referenced Clubber Lang and Ivan Drago, I would've been a lot happier and "Rocky Balboa" is still a good sick day movie, but I was hoping for more of a "season finale" type of feel with a wrap up of every character we come to either love or hate but I guess "You Can't Win" them all.