Ask the Pizza Parlor

This week's questions come from the always dependable "Paul from Fair Lawn"...

Is hockey dead?
It may appear that way because the two teams in the Stanley Cup Finals were from Raleigh, North Carolina and Edmonton, Alberta but the demise of hockey has been greatly exaggerated. Attendance in 2005-06 was up from 2003-04 and revenues were up so much that the NHL is rumored to be increasing the salary cap to $44 million. This means that the jersey wearing, youth hockey coaching, Icehouse drinking, cursing, true-blue hockey fans came back to the game with a fury. It’s as if they got so sick of hockey being bashed for a year and a half they willed the league to success. The league also is catching a break with some of its better teams being from markets that aren’t supposed to be easy for hockey to sell to.

The league is still the worst marketed of all the major sports and re-alignment is needed to keep current and natural rivalries in tact. Hockey is the only sport in which Boston and New York do not have teams in the same division and the best American rivalry in the sport right now is between two teams in different divisions (Detroit-Colorado). The league signed its television deal at the 11th hour; therefore 80% of its nationally televised games were on digital cable. I expect this to change when OLN becomes “Versus” this fall. Another thing that has bothered me with the NHL and to a lesser extent other sports is teams need to market “alternate” jerseys and logos. The money made in the sales of these jerseys is wasted in the dilution of a team’s brand and its ability to be recognized by casual fans in the cities they play. The product is exciting however and new players like Sidney Crosby and Alexander Ovichkyn will be showcase entities for years to come. Hockey will never be in as dire straits as it was at the beginning of this season and if the numbers are any indication it is already on the way up.



If Britney wants privacy why doesn't she have her kid in Namibia?Because Britney doesn’t know where Namibia is? Because Britney is afraid of the Namibian paparazzi? Because Kevin Federline is afraid to be around real black people? Because Matt Lauer wouldn’t be available to give the baby its first softball interview? Because Britney’s boobs are so hard from breast-feeding they’d be considered weapons and not allowed on even a chartered plane? Only Britney knows for sure and she just wants us to leave her alone.



If all the Brazilian players have cool names (Ronaldo, Ronaldinho, Robinho, Adriano, Juan Carlos, Kafu, Kaka), is Fred cooler for having something simple or a douche by comparison?
When something is as pretentious as soccer players deeming themselves worthy of being referred to by one name any twist on it is welcome. Even Chad Johnson hasn’t been asked to be referred to as just Chad…yet. I’m surprised Kafu hasn’t put a “The” on the beginning of his name to be known as “The Kafu”. It must be a pain in the ass of the Telemundo play-by-play guy to have the ball go from Ronaldo to Robinho to Ronaldiho to Fred to Adriano. I’m surprised he doesn’t nickname himself “Right Said” Fred and claim to be “Too sexy for my shirt” after each goal.




Isn't Melinda way too hot for Danny? I'm sure you have something to say about girls that end up with guys way beneath them, and then the guy gets really jealous and controlling because he knows he's living a dream.
When Danny proposed to Melinda my first thought was whether or not Boston Rob and Amber had an “intellectual property” suit on their hands. It was a huge relief that they were the first two kicked off of Real World/Road Rules Challenge Fresh Meat. As much as it makes my stomach turn to hear a girl cry because “I haven’t slept WITHOUT him for six months” Danny did lose his mother last year and the quick engagement is always a byproduct of that. They seem to be equally as dependent on each other. Whether or not it lasts is another story but as pretty as Melinda is, she’s no Cara Zavaleta.



Have you ever seen Wes and Abram in the same place at the same time? (Didn't think so)
You are right, they are exact clones of each other. So much so that they are a lock to be on the next Real World Road Rules Challenge and face off to try to top Abram's Gauntlet vs. Brad as the most testosterone charged event outside of UFC. It would be wise for MTV to lock up Wes before WWE signs him to tag team with The Miz. He is everything necessary for a RWRRC contestant. Athletically passable and an over-the-top asshole. I expect him to be doing challenges until he's 38 and has career ending knee surgery. I am waiting until the "Austin Alliance" is completely dissolved next week to do a column on Real World Road Rules Challenge. While this season is entertaining there is one obvious favorite among the teams and one team that if you don't cheer for you lack a soul, when previously it used to be fun just to goof on all the teams.