The Pizza Parlor

Tapping out to UFC's Choke

2009-05-30T22:50:00.002-04:00

So after watching UFC 98 with Josh during my trip to Virginia, I am stepping on the the MMA bandwagon. For those surprised that it took so long, there still are too many names to keep track of, it will take me a while to get to figure out who everyone is. But I like their promotional formula of having one match at the top of the card for a title or title shot (for boxing fans) and a "heat fight" between two people who claim to or really do hate each other (for wrestling fans). Although the "heat fight" last time was a disappointment to the 95% of the country that wanted to see Matt Hughes choke out Matt Serra, UFC 99 looks promising. Watch the promotional trailer. While the promotion for the first fight gets lost in all the weight class babble, the "heat fight" in the undercard looks very interesting. Marcus Davis is an Irish-American like yours truly who fights a lot in England. Dan Hardy is a real british guy...my favorite word gets dropped right before the 8th minute mark.

On second thought maybe "Dick and Douchebag" fight might be a better name. I'm hooked

Who are these guys? and Why should I care?

2009-04-27T16:37:00.002-04:00

I love the NFL, watch as many games as I can every Sunday and Monday. I love college football even more, watch more of it than just about anyone I know. Yet somehow the NFL Draft Weekend is like a night out with co-workers. An event you can get really hyped for that always seems to fall flat. And I realized this weekend the blame for that falls on the coverage of both the draft and college football itself.

ESPN added a four hour pre-draft special to compensate for the change in time from 12 noon to 4pm. What they did with that time was some human interest stories and a rundown of NFL teams needs. After each pick Mel Kiper runs down each picks talents and the reasons why he slipped to where he did, then their NFL commentators would discuss the NFL team needs again and if they made the right pick to address them. This year they wasted thousands of dollars on a CNN-like "Smart Board" so Michael Smith could drag names and discuss each teams draft with a broad brush. A neat effect but I couldn't figure out the point as opposed to just reading a CG.

What most college football fans want to know is why the players at the top are there. To them Matthew Stafford was an underachieving Georgia Quarterback who choked against Alabama, almost threw away the Capital One Bowl, and held up an empty keg before a summer concert. A lot of them may have never heard of Aaron Curry. What makes Stafford and Curry better NFL prospects than players like Chase Daniel and Rey Maulauga who were better known in college. I feel ESPN and NFL Network assume us to know this when it would be very interesting to have explained.

Also, how do I go through an entire college football season barely ever seeing Jason Smith or Aaron Curry? If they are can't miss NFL prospects wouldn't NFL fans want to see more Baylor and Wake Forest games for this reason? Furthermore, since most big time college football games have at least one or two NFL prospects in them, wouldn't it be wise to showcase these players to let fans know who the future of the NFL is?

Also, wouldn't it be smart to keep fans interested by keeping a record of a "Best Player Picked" graphic at each selection. Wouldn't Rams fans be more interested in their 6th round pick at 196 if they knew that Terrell Davis was once taken with that pick?

I should enjoy the NFL Draft a lot more than I do, and if ESPN can refresh its coverage I could enjoy it more.

Dan Greco Wedding Blog Day 4: A Brush with Fame, A Celebration of Love, and the Beach Race Challenge

2009-04-16T23:57:00.010-04:00

Dan and Kristin’s wedding day started with a call from Josh claiming a brush with fame. “Randy from My Name is Earl is in the lobby here in the hotel…its gotta be him”. Now Dean Karnazes might be mistakable but Ethan Suplee doesn’t have that many lookalikes. However I don’t watch enough “My Name is Earl” to make a 100% confirmation. The fact that he wore sunglasses the whole time and spent his entire time by the pool holding his daughter’s hand lays credence to the fact that indeed a C List Celebrity was staying with us at the Sand Pearl. Josh had the idea of inviting him to Dan’s wedding but needless to say he never got that close.

I figure you’ve had enough gripping stories of laying out by the pool and swimming and that’s just about the afternoon so let’s move ahead to before the wedding. Scott meets me at the hotel as we try to figure out putting on tuxes. You’d think we’ve been in enough weddings to have this figured out by now but neck ties, vests and those buttons that go inside the buttons always give me trouble.

We headed up to Dan’s waiting room and as soon as the elevator opens we see, maybe the hottest girl in the entire hotel. We walk past her and not a second after I make a side comment to Scott about her hotness, she chased us down. “Hey Guys, I’m the videographer, are you with the Greco wedding?, make sure he knows I want to get video of you guys putting on your boutonnieres”. Of course I make sure she’s well behind us before I say to Scott “she can get video of me putting on a condom if she wants”. She probably didn’t.

The ceremony was gorgeous, on the beach close to sunset. The only thing that could’ve ruined it was Jason Segel coming out saying “Beach Wedding in Florida…how original!”. What was a nice touch is that the pastor giving the ceremony was mic’ed up so you could hear everything he said throughout the beach and pool area, giving Kristin and Dan some extra spectators for their vows. Dan cried, they kissed, they poured Unity Sand into a glass (replacing the unity candle which would’ve blown out by the beach, and would have been a troubling omen).

Pictures after the ceremony seemed to take forever so we were cooped up in Dan and Kristin’s bridal suite which was insane (two floors, full kitchen, HDTV, and oh yeah an intercom system) , we were so hungry we were eating leftover food from the Bridesmaid’s brunch. Megan asks me for my full name as to write it down like she’s preparing a list.

During the rehearsal dinner Jeff made a list of interpretive dances for us in the bridal party to do during our introductions. Those who know Jeff from his famous dance offs with Vabilla, know The Typewriter, The Shopping Cart, and Glamour Shots. I choose The Q-Tip (wax one ear, wax the other ear, throw away, throw away). We lined up right outside the reception hall and were ready to be introduced. The order is the shortest to longest My bridesmaid and I were the first to be introduced. ..or so we thought.

The first name introduced was not mine but rather Eric Banta, Dan’s longtime friend from High School. However so as to not confuse anyone else I agree to walk ahead and do my Q-Tip dance and take my place in the confused dance hall (Kevin yelled at the bandleader that she was screwing up the introductions, then went back to checking the Villanova score). After that were two more groomsmen and bridesmaids and then the bandleader was about to introduce Dan and Kristin, not knowing SHE SKIPPED THREE SETS OF NAMES. The music stopped and the bandleader ran back and reportedly threw a shit fit at the wedding planner even though she fucked up the list. To restore order the unannounced groomsmen and bridesmaids just walked into the hall unannounced to applause. Oh my, this band has nowhere to go but up.

While Dan and Kristin had their first dance (to Jason Mraz’s “I’m Yours, their song, not mine), the most memorable would be between Jeff (our present danceoff champion) and Kristin’s cousin Jonathan, a trained student of cabaeira (sp?). While Jeff’s interpretive dances were nice and funny. Jonathan trounced him by doing everything including sliding on his head. This wasn’t even close.

You’ve heard enough about food and drink, and of course there was that at the wedding. The band eventually made the people forget how they botched the introductions but let’s just say I would have gladly have taken Booyasteez at half the price. A minor complaint on what was a lovely and fun night.

We headed back to the Bridal Suite for the afterparty, and yet more food and drink. I broke out the straw hat again, as it might have been the last time I get to wear it for a while. During the afterparty we remembered there is still one loose end to tie…the Beach Race Challenge.

Jeff stripped down to a tank top and biker shorts. Scott kept his pants on. Both men were ready, both men set, and we’re off! However as Jeff gets a lead step, Scott puts much too much weight forward and tumbles into the sand of Clearwater Beach. Jeff sprints on to victory as a despondent Scott laid out on the beach recording a DNF in a race where really, there were no winners.

The grand finale of one of the greatest weekends ever was Jeff taking the intercom from the Bridal Suite to sing some of his favorites for 15 minutes, for a segment we called Jeff XM. As you can see I found it hilarious.

It’s appropriate that the man who had more of a part than anyone in introducing to some of the best friends I have now, get the most memorable experience of any wedding I’ve been to yet. Thank you Dan and Kristin Greco, congratulations!

Dan Greco Wedding Blog Day 3: Relaxin and Rehearsin

2009-04-15T23:58:00.003-04:00

Friday morning meant a transition of hotels, from the perfectly fine Holiday Inn on the water to the insanely ridiculous Sand Pearl Resort. A ***** star resort that is a long way for a group that used to pack 8 into the Empire Motel in Niagara Falls, Ontario. The time had come for us to live a life way above our paygrade, at least for two days.

After checking in we sit down for lunch at the Clear Sky Café, a place that Jeff and Meg enjoyed on a previous trip to Clearwater. Of course they have Grouper Sandwich, Cuban Panini, and a TV with ESPN and you know who on in the patio. I get the club sandwich, as I’ve never been disappointed by a club sandwich.

I’m sure you want to know about the Sand Pearl and it was everything you’d expect. All the amenities, gym, spa, HDTV, huge pool and hot tub, and service staff who are so nice its almost embarrassing, its easy to forget when looking at room rates, just what a luxury resort experience is like.

Among the perks is an activities desk where you could sign out or rent everything from ping pong paddles to jet skis. We ask for a football, and the gentlemen gladly gives us one but just asks us to keep it out of the pool.

We headed straight for the pool, to go toss the ball around (along with everybody else that borrowed a football from the activities desk). It is there we met Jim Lane, Dan’s longtime fraternity brother and Best Man of the wedding, also one of the most competitive people we know. So Jeff and Jim throw the football back and forth while I scope out “cougars” at the pool (and at a place like this, you’re sure to find some). Eventually Jeff was throwing the ball at some young kids about 8 and under who were jumping into the pool throwing the football. Jim decides this looks like fun and stands with the 8 year olds hoping to jump and catch the football. I regret I have no pictures of this as it was quite the visual.

I leave early as I need to get ready for the wedding rehearsal. Because there’s nothing more necessary than practicing a wedding. I think wedding rehearsals are more for the bride and groom to be assured that everyone will show up and nobody will do anything embarrassing. I’ll spare you the anticipation, there were no prospects in Kristin’s bridal party. Everyone was either taken or way way too young. Both bridal parties were paired tallest to shortest, with yours truly picking up the rear in Dan’s group. The good news coming out of the rehearsal is the Pastor promises a short ceremony, which in 90 degree heat in a tuxedo coat is always a plus.

The Rehearsal Dinner is held at the Bob Heilman’s Beachcomber Restaurant. I have no idea who Bob Heilman is but I went anyway. The dessert is Baked Alaska, which I know I’ll like since I like Sarah Palin and I choose New York Strip Steak as my main course as well I like steak, if not New York. Scott and Sharman joined us but Scott was thrilled when an older couple (liberals who definitely met in the 60s) sit with us and distract Sharman with Dick Cheney bashing and stimulus (not stimulating) talk. This allows Scott to talk about UFC and the Beach Race Challenge with Josh and myself.

As if paying for the Cooters dinner and sending us to the Phillies game wasn’t thanks enough. Dan tries to thank all of us in a speech during the dinner. Emotions understandably overcome him and Kristin is forced to take over. A shining example of why these two are now married.

The nightcap was Jeff getting obnoxiously drunk on Tanqueray and Tonics he could charge to the room leading to more hype with Scott for the Beach Race Challenge. Besides Jeff and Scott, the rest of us were excited enough for the event that brought us together, to take place the next day…the wedding of Kristin Smith and Dan Greco.

Dan Greco Wedding Blog Day 2: The Day Someone Disrespected the Pizza Parlor

2009-04-14T21:55:00.007-04:00

On our cab ride from the airport, our Haitian cab driver, who did not have AIDS as far as we knew (ok, we never actually asked) couldn’t tell us any of the nightspots on Clearwater Beach but was savvy enough to point out the original Hooters on Route 60 in Clearwater. We made it a point to visit there on our way to the Phillies-Nationals Spring Training game which we had tickets to that day thanks again to Dan.

Working 9-5, I don’t get to watch much daytime ESPN during the week. Apparently, however all ESPN, ESPN2 and ESPNews does during that time is take one story and give everyone on the payroll a chance to discuss it until the story has completely been beaten to shit.

Did I mention the Broncos declared they were open to trading Jay Cutler?

So we get to Original Hooters, some of the girls were wearing T-Shirts, one of them definitely worked there when it opened, our waitress is going through the motions and footage of Jay Cutler was on every TV. At least I would get some fried pickles and chicken wings to enjoy. The fried pickles were recommended and I’ve only had them twice, this time and at the Wildhorse Saloon in Nashville, Tennessee. These were second to that saved by the delicious blooming onion sauce. The Chipotle BBQ wings we ordered were boneless “naked” and “on the grill”. Well when you order that you end up with nuggets of grilled chicken in sauce. We convinced ourselves we were having a healthy lunch to overcome our disappointment.

We leave Jay Cutler and Original Hooters to get to the game already in progress. The World Series trophy is on display for photo opportunities and Jeff and Kevin instantly become erect. The game itself was a fun one to watch. We had great seats behind home plate, sitting with some middle-aged groupies.

A lot of regulars played Ryan Howard, Chase Utley and some guy Jeff kept calling “Chooch”, a lot of home runs were hit. The Phillies lost 12-10 as Jamie Moyer may have had the outing that convinced him this was his last year in baseball.

During the game, Catherine spotted a familiar face. She explained to us that it was ultra-marathoner Dean Karnazes. We spot him wearing an ING Direct running shirt and give her the encouragement needed to go up and ask if he was indeed Dean Karnazes. Despite her certainty, when she asks the gentlemen if he is Dean Karnazes, the gentlemen claims not to be. Josh and Jeff speculate if he was indeed Dean Karnazes and didn’t want to draw attention to himself. I couldn’t share in this theory because 1) If you were Dean Karnazes, and one person out of 4,000 knew who you were and asked to take a picture, especially someone who looks like Catherine, why would you refuse the picture? Because you’re just too much of a celebrity? I doubt it 2) If Dean Karnazes loves running so much he runs 100 miles at a time, why would he stop doing so on a Thursday afternoon to watch a Phillies-Nationals Spring Training game? Anyway.

I left the group to head with Dan, his father, brother-in-law and Best Man Jim Lane to get fitted for our tuxes. We got our tuxes at Men’s Wearhouse, which has its advantages and disadvantages. The advantage is if your party is from all over the country, so everyone can get fitted and the information can be stored online. The disadvantage is they always fuck something up. And for Dan, his father, brother-in-law, they did. Luckily mine fit perfectly and I was then excited for the wedding itself.

On the way back, I found out Jay Cutler was traded to the Bears, he’s not going away anytime this weekend.

Dinner on Thursday was at this sit-down large pizza restaurant about a half mile from the Holiday Inn. They had the Penn State-Baylor NIT Championship on, a game which not even Jeff cared about, until the whole restaurant oohed at what happens at the 47 second mark of the clip below.

However, that wasn’t the biggest scene of the dinner. A couple minutes later we hear running footsteps and a slamming screen door, then someone screaming “catch that man” and two more sets of running footsteps. While we were eating, a guest being led to his table, on his way pushed open the cash register and ran out with a stash of cash. The family next to us was shaken by the whole incident enough to order their food to go and the cops were seen taking down information unable to catch the “Pizza Bandit”. An interesting dinner to say the least.

Out at Shepherd’s, a night complex with a Tiki Bar, Lounge, and Night Club all next to each other, we met up with Scott and his wife Sharman. Sharman was meeting Josh, Catherine, Kevin and Jeff for the first time and cordialities were exchanged, however not soon after seeing one another Scott and Jeff’s competitive alter-egos took over. Scott pontificated that he could beat Jeff in a footrace in sand and they should challenge this a la Rocky and Apollo Creed in Rocky III (which is a little homoerotic to be emulated in my opinion). The “Beach Race Challenge” is on.

Dan and Kristin also joined us, along with Kristin’s sister Megan. And I haven’t mentioned much about Kristin because normally she is on the shy side. However you get a couple drinks in her and she becomes a different person. Kristin gets drunk enough to give me drinks than proceed to make me drink them like I was pledging, oops I mean associating, all over again. Megan is all about this as she is like Kristin except without the shy side.

We took our party into the lounge to end the night and to be honest, that’s probably where we should’ve been all night long. The lounge band was a hip-hop cover band that I am going to call “Booyasteez” as that’s what all their shirts said. They played electrifying versions of “Sexy Back” and “Low” by Flo Rida, where they loved to interject with the instruction to “Smack Dat Ass”. This kept Megan and me laughing too hard to dance.

By now everyone has arrived and the vacation was in full swing. I was wondering if our Hooters lunch was in fact healthy, if "not Dean Karnazes" was wishing he pretended to be, what the guy who ran off with the Pizza Parlor’s cash was doing with his friends, and when I could hear some more “Boo Ya Steez”. Truthfully I was wondering how this weekend could get any better.

Dan Greco Wedding Blog Day 1: The Search for Good Cooters

2009-04-14T00:27:00.006-04:00

As a sophomore at Syracuse University, I decided to rush the Fraternity system, hoping to find friends for life but more importantly to get laid while I was in college. When I entered the Lambda Chi Alpha fraternity house, I didn’t know if Lambda Chi was necessarily the best fit for me to accomplish these things. Then one of the brothers sat me down and recruited me like a ***** QB prospect out of Florida. Dan Greco recruited me into Lambda Chi and although only half of that house became long time friends, Dan is absolutely part of that half. We have been friends to the extent that I didn’t give going to or being in his wedding a second thought when he decided to get married 13 years later.

When he told me that wedding would be held in Clearwater Beach, Florida, I immediately thought this was my chance to go on vacation somewhere nice. You see, when your friends live in New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, and Virginia, when you go on vacation to visit them and tell your co-workers none of them blink an eye or get the slightest bit jealous. The weeks leading up to this trip, needless to say that changed. The wedding and the four days of the trip lived up to all expectations and then some…

Day 1: Wednesday

I flew Southwest to Florida, and if you haven’t traveled in the past six months, let me advise you; EVERYONE FLIES SOUTHWEST NOW. So many people that the line for the baggage check-in was long enough that I almost missed my flight, I took a lesser known security line and a roundabout way to my gate to make the flight never taking advantage of my B22 Boarding Pass I printed the night before. Bottom line is I made my flight but it was close.

I met up with Josh and his friend from work Catherine at the airport as our flights got in within a half hour of each other. The people at Woodway know Catherine as the one who does all the work while her boss is researching for his fantasy football draft.

While the Sand Pearl Resort, the location of the wedding is a beautiful resort, it is also $350 a night meaning we needed less swank arrangements for the days before. Therefore we check in to the Hotel Motel Holiday Inn (granted we upgraded to a suite upon arrival) but we got a coveted gulf view and a balcony overlooking the pool. While this is all great, by the time we check in its past 1 and all of us are starved. We asked the cute Southern belle at the front desk where to eat and she gives us the easy answer, Frenchy’s.

There are something like 18 Frenchy’s all independently owned, yet all serving the same shit. You figure that out. Frenchy’s and most every restaurant on Clearwater Beach has three featured items. Shock Top beer, which is like Blue Moon except more orangey, delicious at $2.50 a pint. A Cuban Panini, which is pork, salami, ham and cheese on flatbread. And Grouper, the local fish. You can have Grouper Sandwich, Grouper Cheeks, Fried Grouper, Grilled Grouper, Blackened Grouper, Grouper on a Stick, Popcorn Grouper, Jumbo Grouper…okay I’m exaggerating but I think if we went to McDonald’s they would’ve had a McGrouper. Every restaurant in Clearwater had to serve Grouper, it must’ve been the law. I had the Cuban, and it like everything I eat on vacation was delicious.

On the way back Josh said “You look like a Country music singer, and they get laid…they get laid a lot”. Maybe we could meet up with some late Spring Breakers.

The week of my vacation, the Broncos openly declared that they were shopping Jay Cutler, more on this later.

The next four hours were Josh, Catherine and I laying out by the pool and the gulf getting sun in 85 degree weather. I will try not to taunt you all with those details but it was a big part of what we did.

Jeff and his wife Meg, greet us at the Holiday Inn. Not five minutes after we all get in the pool does Jeff try to choke me out in the deep end in the pool. That’s what I like about Jeff, he’s so nice. Jeff’s wife Meg is pregnant and I’ve heard spending time in the pool can accelerate labor. She’s due in August so let’s hope she spends a lot of time in the pool so that baby comes out before the fantasy football draft. It’s good to have your priorities in order.

After getting dressed, we met up with the future Bride and Groom as well as Kevin Leitzell and his father. Kevin had been in Clearwater all week ~~orally servicing~~ following his Philadelphia Phillies Spring Training. We let Jeff lead us to find a dinner spot, this if you have to be told was a mistake.

Our first try was a Japanese Steakhouse, even got as far as sitting down and reading menus. Unfortunately if you didn’t like sushi or anything Japanese, your only option was a $30 steak. We got up and tried other options. After Jeff tried to take us to a small pizza place and a Chinese restaurant we see bright lights and a word no man could resist, Cooters.

Cooters was everything we wanted. Everything fried, including Grouper. Tequila Wings, Gator Bites, Buffalo Nachos. American Idol on the television (I’ll miss Megan Joy, some couldn’t get over the Arm Sleeve, but I appreciated her big picture, thinking you could always tuck the arm under a sheet), the jukebox going back and forth from Journey’s Greatest Hits and Doors Greatest Hits. It was everything great about America in one restaurant.

The dinner was a fantastic start to what would be an all-time weekend.
Dan as a gesture to thank us for coming down paid the tab as we pretended to be upset. Well all of us except Josh. It was a great gesture by a great man, one well worth traveling for.

All this Week: The Dan Greco Wedding Blog

2009-04-12T22:56:00.006-04:00

My friend Dan Greco, who recruited me into the failed Lambda Chi Alpha fraternity and has remained my friend since, got married earlier this month in beautiful Clearwater Beach, Florida. Dan, who is best known for his love of making fantasy football trade proposals, proposed a trade of a wedding ring to Kristin Smith in exchange for a lifetime commitment and unlike most of the rest of the owners in our league, she actually accepted a trade proposal from Dan. As tends to be the case with destination weddings, not everyone could attend. So as a service to those people, and because it was that good of a time, I am doing my most detailed wedding blog yet.

Starting Tuesday, the FOUR PART Dan Greco Wedding Blog will appear on The Pizza Parlor. Check everyday this week for updates...

Of Course they're Selling These

2009-03-13T15:30:00.003-04:00

Holy Shirt! A Syracuse based T-Shirt company has already issued a
T-Shirt commemorating the Big East Tournament Quarterfinal win.

They should be in stores by 2pm today although I have no idea
who would buy one.

Was it Good for You Too??

2009-03-13T08:49:00.002-04:00

Gotta love the New York Post...

And the Daily News too...NY Tabloids are dirrr-tay (and not that original)

What He Should Say Theater

2009-03-03T20:14:00.003-05:00

With apologies to Paul, I feel like I'm the only one to tackle this...

Over the weekend it was discovered that the Broncos entertained the idea of trading Jay Cutler for the purpose of acquiring Matt Cassel. This enfuriated Cutler and he was refusing to talk to new head coach Josh McDaniels until a sit-down was scheduled for next week. I have a feeling the meeting is going to be for the purpose of placating Cutler and making him feel wanted by the Broncos again. However, I feel like McDaniels should take another approach. This is what he should say.

"Sit down son. While we did not actively seek to trade you, yes we entertained the idea when my old quarterback in New England Matt Cassel was shopped to us. Here's why. While you are very talented and had a very impressive season this year, things you have said to the media, opponents and your teammates make me wonder if you feel like you have nothing to prove. I'm here to tell you you have A LOT to prove to me and to the city of Denver. You may have a stronger arm than John Elway, I was a teenager during his prime so I don't have first hand basis to judge but you haven't come close to accomplishing what he has in this league and until you do, you will always have something to prove. I'll say this about Matt, and then I will never say his name to you again, from the second he stepped in for Tom, he knew he had something to prove and practiced and played accordingly. If you take that same attitude, with your abilities you can win a Super Bowl and possibly multiple Super Bowls but you have to realize that you have not arrived until you do that. Now I too have something to prove, I'm a 32 year old head coach replacing a legend myself. We're in this together and we're going to accomplish a lot together if you come to realize that you have something to learn from me. If you still feel like you have nothing to prove and I'm full of shit than we will try to send you elsewhere, but you have the best chance to succeed here with me. Together we will prove to this city that the Broncos are the best organization in football once more".

Or he can knock on his house, eat some of his dimented grandmother's pie then take him out to Invesco Field and make him bark out plays. But then I'll know he's been watching Friday Night Lights as much as I have, which is too much.

Change I Can Believe In

2009-02-02T18:33:00.002-05:00

What motivates me to blog? A new Broncos coach? Eh. The Super Bowl? Yawn. But THIS definitely got my attention.

Louisiana U.S. Senator David Vitter a client of the D.C. Madam is expected to face a tough re-election fight which should attract numerous Democratic challengers.

One fan of irony with supposedly too much time on their hands placed an ad seeking someone “a history in some aspect of the adult entertainment industry” to run against Vitter.

Well some geniuses in Louisiana have just the person in mind...

Baton Rouge native and favorite of the Parlor, Stormy Daniels.

DraftStormy.com (SFW) is up to hopefully convince the "Cargo", "Last Night", and "Space Nuts" star to run for U.S. Senate.

Nothing will come of it, and I expect Stormy to politely decline and pursue her much more lucrative career but it gives me a reason to put up a picture of Stormy.

Syracuse Stuff

2009-01-21T12:35:00.002-05:00

Greg Robinson landed on his feet sort of. At least he's in a position he has succeeded in before and can again. I will say when it comes to Head Coaches, Syracuse hires good coordinators.

Looking forward, SU's new Head football Coach's favorite watering hole is The Varsity?. Forget that The Varsity is the biggest copout brand name answer to any question about Syracuse hangouts, but I'm pretty sure to be considered a watering hole you have to serve alcohol and be open past 8pm. This whole interview ended my brief period of optimism for SU football. Although I guess it would be as discomforting to know that he fondly remembered killing brain cells at 44's or risking an STD at Darwin's.

The Men's Basketball team got killed at Pitt on Monday. Can someone tell me the last time SU Hoop beat an opponent in conference on the road on a Monday? I imagine its been a while.

Syracuse Women's Basketball got some national attention, only because one of the players tripped UConn coach Geno Auriemma during the post-game handshake. The Big East levied no punishment because well, Auriemma's a douche.

Inaugural Thoughts

2009-01-21T09:46:00.002-05:00

First of all, my initial thoughts on this Inauguration are the same as every Inauguration. That is that I feel blessed to live in a country where power is transferred not just peacefully, but with celebration and pageantry. In a world where less powerful head positions of state are held onto and fought over, the way the Presidency transists from one leader to another is another shining example of the fruits of America's ideals but can be taken for granted by people who think of it arrogant of the United States to try to spread democracy to the world.

It has become almost impossible to separate race from politics but I will attempt to do so. Because while it is prudent to debate Barack Obama's politics, it should be lost on nobody the significance of yesterday's inauguration on African-Americans. For today a Black parent can be hopeful that their child will do their homework with aspirations of being President like Barack Obama and perhaps not so much a rapper or athlete like 50 Cent or Adam "Pacman" Jones. And for this the entire country is better off.

While I didn't vote for Barack Obama, I find him to be a very impressive politician. I know that the expectation is for him to be very liberal, and I'm sure he will do somethings especially in social issues to annoy conservatives in his first 100 days (with a 75% approval rating he can politcally afford to do so), but I also know as a student of Abraham Lincoln and knows that what solidified Lincoln's legacy was as much uniting the country during Reconstruction as it was winning the Civil War or emancipating the slaves. I expect him to be bipartisan which may even end up irking his liberal base.

Here is his Inaugural Address:

And since there's nothing better to do on the Internet that kill a few hours reading Inaugural Addresses you can find the text of all of them including yesterday's right here.

I watched yesterday's address through CNN's feed which partnered with Facebook. It included a feature where you could watch the festivities on the left and read newly updated Facebook statuses on the right. So I got to see classy commentary such as "Bruce Pinko (name made up)is finally proud to be an American" and "Deb Hippiestone (again name made up) is hoping someone pushes Dick Cheney down those stairs" while taking in the moment. This affirms my lowest expectation for Obama, that he will show a sense of grace unachievable by some of his supporters.

As for the outgoing President. I think history will be nothing but kinder to George W. Bush. That's not to say it will be kind. But as the verocity of his criticism weakens over time he will be more remembered for his leadership after 9/11, the removal of Saddam Hussein and keeping the country safe for 7 and half years and less for his shortcomings after the Iraq War, after Hurricane Katrina, and whatever he did to bring on this current economic crisis. Plus gas only went up 20 cents from the day he took office to the day he left. Good job.

While Bush sets very little example for Obama politically, he has set the example of relinquishing power by order of the American people as so many have done before him and as Obama will do either four or eight years from now. This alone is a cause for celebration.

Pete Carroll is :(

2009-01-15T19:01:00.002-05:00

In 2009, rational adults and catty teenagers have a new way to carry out their frustrations with one another.

Rather than confront each other directly they express anger through updating their Facebook status.

In 2009, some instinctive college head coaches set up Facebook accounts to keep themselves top of mind among Generation Y and specifically those they want to recruit to their programs without NCAA regulation.

Pete Carroll is believed to be among the first to take advantage of Facebook and updates his status fairly frequently. Whether he does this himself or through a member of USC's Sports Information Department can't be determined but if it was just a crazed fan, one of his 5000 friends would've alerted him and steps would be made to take down the phony account.

Derek Lynch is friends with Pete Carroll.

So when Pete Carroll disagrees with quarterback Mark Sanchez's decision to forego his final season and jump to the NFL he does what many people do to express his displeasure.

He updates his Facebook Status (Update: You don't get to see the status update if you're not friends with Pete Carroll but it says Pete Carrolldisagrees with Mark's decision today, but knows we'll be strong in 2009: http://www.petecarroll.com/index.cfm/pk/view/ cd/NAA/cdid/412687/pid/400025).

Playoff Predictions

2009-01-02T16:17:00.002-05:00

Straight Up I like all the road teams this weekend, since the spreads are tight I guess that means I like them ATS as well. Here are my picks for each round.

NFC

Atlanta over ARIZONA
Philadelphia over MINNESOTA

CAROLINA over Atlanta
NEW YORK GIANTS over Philadelphia

Carolina over NEW YORK GIANTS

AFC

Indianapolis over SAN DIEGO
Baltimore over MIAMI

Indianapolis over PITTSBURGH
TENNESSEE over Baltimore

TENNESSEE over Indianapolis

Super Bowl XLIII

Carolina over Tennessee

My Shanahan Thoughts

2009-01-02T14:34:00.002-05:00

Those of you reading that know me (and at this point I assume all of you reading know me), know that I bought a styrofoam Denver Broncos horsehead in the Spring of 1999 after the Broncos won their second and last Super Bowl.

As time goes by, dogs bite it, and 35 degree rain drops on it, the horsehead has deteriorated I am reminded of how long I have had it and how long its been since the Broncos last Super Bowl Championship.

So after a 52-21 loss to San Diego, a performance that embarrassed me in front of my family post-Christmas weekend, to cap a collapse that ended yet another playoff-less season, I couldn't help but sense that something had to be done to fix this team.

So while I was surprised that Mike Shanahan was fired from the Broncos on Tuesday, I was more shocked that everyone else was so shocked.

For the solution from everyone that followed the Broncos this year would be the same:

-Since the Broncos ranked 30th in Scoring Defense under a first year Defensive Coordinator, who was last year the Secondary coach, it was time to look outside the organization for a Defensive Coordinator

-Since said defense was comprised of Free Agent retreads and First Round busts, it was time for someone who could dedicate all their time to scouting and acquiring talent to be brought in to do so.

-Since Shanahan's teams were losing home games to non-playoff teams like Oakland and Buffalo, it was time for Shanahan to re-evaluate his motivational tactics that may have worked in 1997 but not with today's much better compensated players.

Since Mike would never agree to at least two of the three parts of this solution anyone in owner Pat Bowlen's position would be forced to do what he did Tuesday afternoon.

So where do the Broncos go from here?

They can hope Bill Cowher sees the opportunity in Denver as better than the one with the Jets (and with the offense and ownership, quite frankly its much better) and perhaps agrees to coach under a new GM, relinquishing his full authority demands.

They can bring in the hot DC du jour (that means Defensive Coordinator of the Day, don't that sound good?) in Steve Spagnuolo and hope the entire team is as successful as the Giants Defense has been. A formula that never seems to fully work (see Mangini, Eric and Crennel, Romeo) but if OC Jeremy Bates is allowed to stay on I could get behind.

They could seriously consider their Rooney Rule guy Raheem Morris and hope he has the mental stuff that has made first time coaches like Mike Tomlin and Tony Sparano successful.

They can NOT hire Bob Stoops. I don't know what I can do to keep this from happening other than send Pat Bowlen pictures of Nick Saban, Steve Spurrier, Lou Holtz and Bobby Petrino everyday. Buying and sneaking into college recruits does not translate to success in the NFL, it just don't.

As for Shanahan, I wish him the best. He gave me two of the greatest moments of my sports fan life. I hope his ego possesses him to adopt the wounded puppy in Detroit and makes a winner there to solidify his Hall of Fame status rather than coach in the too fickle for football New York market with the Jets, where one writer can write a column under the headline "Can the Shan" and he goes on the hot seat. He's just too good for that.

Whatever happens of Shanahan, I hope the steps the Broncos take them to another Super Bowl Trophy before I have to retire my horsehead.

One More Washed Up Run

2009-01-02T13:40:00.003-05:00

To many a new year is a time for people to reassess their habits and routines. Often these reassessments result in New Year's Resolutions which are usually dropped by mid-February. In the spirit of New Year's Resolutions, I am making one last attempt at regular blogging.

Will I still be blogging by mid-February? Who knows? But since I tend to excel when expectations are low, let's say probably not and perhaps I'll surprise.

So I am set to announce that at least for one last washed up run, The Pizza Parlor is open again.

Bauer...Boom-bay-yah!!!

2008-07-26T17:18:00.004-04:00

This is a leaked trailer for the new 24 "bridge" movie to air on Fox, Sunday November 23. Jack has moved to Africa as that is a great place to find peace. So of course, there is a military coup in Senegal where Jack is hiding. Powers Boothe and Peter McNichol also return, even though they are not planned to have a role in Day 7. I expect the version Fox will show during football games to have a much better voiceover. But then again I expected Paul Pierce to ask me "Are You Ready?" at the end of this too.

This Wouldn't Happen if Mike Shanahan were still Alive

2008-07-07T18:20:00.004-04:00

The grand finale of this year's Democratic National Convention in Denver, Barack Obama's Nomination Acceptance Speech, won't be taking place at Pepsi Center, home of the Denver Nuggets, Colorado Avalanche and the first three days of the convention. Instead the convention will shift to Invesco Field at Mile High, home of my Denver Broncos, on Thursday where Senator Obama will accept the nomination and speak to an expected crowd of 75,000 people.

There is no conflict with the Broncos, they play their final preseason game away at Arizona the next day. My questions are, what must the security detail be for an event like this. Will the speech be given from an "Obamamobile". And also, is this the first time 75,000 Democrats will be together since Phish broke up?

Anyway the dynamics of this election stay the same. All the enthusiasm seems to be on Obama's side but he will still accept the nomination of perhaps the worst run political party in the free world, the only opposition party that could lose an election under these circumstances.

I just hope Obama doesn't try to invoke John Elway (an active Republican) into his speech as Elway never played at Invesco, however Bubby Brister, Brian Griese, and Jake Plummer have.

NBA Finals Game 6: Random Thoughts and Observations

2008-06-17T21:16:00.031-04:00

Well everyone I know in Boston is actually at this game, so you get me from my apartment randomly interjecting with whatever comes across my mind. Keep in mind I'm with my bud, Weiser so who knows where these observations will go with time but I hope you enjoy them nonetheless. I'll say that we'll find out if a home crowd can actually win a game as the onus will be on them to supply the energy to the Celtics who look to be on fumes at this point.

First Quarter

I will say that the Celtics didn't get here on the strength of their national anthem singers. James Taylor, the Boston Pops and the chick from Lilith Fair that didn't shave her armpits isn't exactly Boston's best foot forward musically... or is it?

Your referees are Ed Rush, Bennett Salvatore, and Joey Crawford. The fact you know all these guys names is the NBA's biggest problem.

A lot of sloppy play that makes you wonder how these teams got here until you realize they're playing their 101st and 107th games of the year.

Looks like this game might be Kobe vs. the Celtics, which has to be good for Boston right? right?

Can someone get me the name (and number) of this Budweiser chick, she is simply stunning!

Bill Belichick is here. Can't the Patriots just stay home I'm starting to worry. Nice of Steven Tyler to sneak out of rehab to show up.

Boston is predictably sluggish to start the first quarter but Rajon Rondo has come to play. Ray Allen got poked in the eye on a drive to the basket and apparently had to be told where his locker room was. That was almost funny.

It amazes me the people see the trailer for a movie like "Hellboy 2" and think "I HAVE to see that", they must be the same people that think RickRoll'n is funny.

So Kevin Garnett owns more sweatervests than Jim Tressel and his favorite lunch is Peanut Butter and Jelly??!! I guess you can take the boy out of the hood...

Michelle Tafoya is such an obvious WYB candidate I'm not surprised in the least she hasn't come up for vote.

The fact that the building formerly known as the Fleet Center is now a "home court advantage" is perhaps the biggest surprise of these playoffs. Unless they just keep showing Red Sox highlights on the jumbotron or Stone Cold Steve Austin kept showing up.

Celtics 22 Lakers 18. After the horror story that was the Celtics flight from LA yesterday, Celtics fans should be encouraged.

Second Quarter

Had to know Big Baby Davis was gonna see time in this game. I don't mind it one bit. They're gonna need his physicality against this team, probably could've used it already.

Has anyone started "Sucks" T-Shirts Company yet? Or is that just too simple a business plan. Make a T-Shirt of everything with the word "Sucks" at the end and someone's gonna buy each one.

Love the Somerville Cheers for each of Joey Crawford's foul calls against the Lakers. If the Celtics fall behind in this one I expect a "Donaghy" chant.

Win or lose, I'll be happy to have the Yukon Denali guy out of my life. Seriously.

I LOVE EDDIE HOUUUUSSSSEEEE!!!!

Like seriously I'm willing to bet whomever was in the Yukon Denali must be traded by now by demand.

Call it bandwagonning, but the sports fans of Boston LOVE this team for the way they play defense and how their role players step up. It's the secretaries that are just waking up to them at this point.

Literally moments after Michelle Tafoya (WYB?) falls short of declaring him legally blind, Ray Allen comes back onto the court. If the Celtics are staging these, they are masters of drama. Bravo!

Celtics lead is 11, nine points away from this Laker team going "Fuck This".

Balky from Perfect Strangers hasn't been a factor for the Lakers. 0 points, 1 rebound and 2 fouls in 8 minutes of play so far.

Rondo with his cutey floater to take the lead up to 18 he might even do this before the night is over.

Yep, that's the same guy you've been watching pass up open layups all playoff season.

Garnett with an amazing "and 1" to put the Celtics up 21! Could the championship clinching game be a "Gino" as well? Would be fitting.

Celtics go on a 26-6 run to lead at halftime 58-35

Kobe's only 1-4 on anything that's not a 3pt shot.
No other Lakers starter has more than 6 points.
Celtics are back to outrebounding the Lakers 34-14.
The Lakers DID NOT HAVE ONE offensive rebound or block in the first half, either that or the guy keeping that stat for ESPN.com is too stoned to keep track.

Its funny that WEEI callers actually think this ABC crew is favoring the Lakers, Jon Barry's all but lobbying for an internship for the Celtics right now.

As nice as this lead is. If they blow it, there is no way they can come back and win Game 7 two days later. Just want to put that out there as a precaution.

Third Quarter

The Celtics are maintaining their lead and the Lakers look disinterested. Phil Jackson isn't even calling timeouts after a big 3 pointer by Ray Allen.

Hey here's a thought, they don't court storm in the NBA since the last time the Celtics won an NBA Championship. Will some fans try that if the Celtics hold onto this lead? I'm curious to find out.

Mark Jackson makes a great point, if you're an NBA GM you should be inspired to package your top 5 pick, a starting point guard and small forward on your horrible team, the rest of your bad draft picks, one promising future All-Star a surprising second round draft pick and an expiring contract for two formerly disgruntled All Stars and get those guys to not bitch about their touches and minutes and get focused on winning from day one along with your captain and best player on your seven horrible teams prior, you too can win and NBA Championship.

Pau Gasol plays for the Lakers?

6 points now for Balky. Cousin Larry must be proud.

Kobe blows by Pierce for the first time this series.

Is that a girl in the front row behind the Celtics basket this half?

Sasha Vuvuvuvu is prettier than that girl, even when he cries.

Kobe's even giving up asking for calls. That might be the most telling sign yet that this is in the bag.

Have I mentioned how nervous I am about every Broncos game this season? I told everyone at work how nervous I was about this game and it seems to work. So maybe it always works. I mean seriously we got a young line, we didn't really address the run defense, Cutler's got the Diabetes...

I can smell it. Celtics 89 Lakers 60

Fourth Quarter

Lamar Odom plays for the Lakers?

I like this Travis Ibiza. He should be a fine player for the Lakers in the future either that or a great club DJ.

Looks like Rajon Rondo realized he was the point guard of an 81 win team just in time.

Phil Jackson can whistle with his fingers. I STILL CAN'T do that. Totally forgot I couldn't until I just saw that.

Now the Celtics are just giving the Lakers motivation for their Christmas Day matchup next regular season. Take it easy guys.

Scott couldn't let a game go by without a text message. Apparently the crowd is chanting "You're not Jordan!". Which I must admit is genius. I'll take this time to mention that my plans to watch this game in Boston were thwarted when my two friends there got TICKETS TO THE GAME. Not what you want to find out after a 10 hour work day. So I asked Scott not to text message me during the game. And he ALMOST pulled it off.

Was there ever a "Hancock" comic book? That should make for some great porn spoofs. If they even make porn spoofs of movies anymore? All I ever see anymore is anorexic teens talking for twenty minutes on a couch.

110-75. I'm half expecting the Lakers to just walk to the locker room at this point.

113-77 OK, seriously this is Spurrier-esque. Can you run up a score in a Championship game?

Lamar Odom is pissed at KG for hard fouling with a 30 point lead. To quote Ara Parsegian in Rudy to Vince Vaughn's character "you just summed up your entire sorry career" in one quarter.

In 25 years, we haven't evolved from "Na na, na na, na na, hey hey goodbye!"?

Final timeout and it sounds like American Bandstand is on the Jumbotron!

Locally they just showed a commercial with Doc Rivers and Celtics players asking the locals to ~~not flip over any cars~~ "Celebrate with Dignity".

It must be the NBA's equivalent of pregame player introductions on the Celtics bench right now as the sound is cutting out every time they're on camera.

Big Baby Coast to Coast! If Kendrick Perkins didn't start and he didn't do that much by the way, Brian Scalabrine would be in the game right now and the place would be unhinged.

Doc Rivers gets the first Gatorade bath in NBA history. To my knowledge at least.

And it's over! The Boston Celtics are 2008 NBA Champions! Their 17th World Championship! I'm gonna enjoy this from my apartment in Framingham. Hope you enjoyed the blogging.

OK I'm back...Stuart Scott just said "If you looked up the word Class in the dictionary you'd see a picture of Doc Rivers" I think I'd see a picture of a teacher and students, but maybe I need to get a new dictionary.

This Bucketball Stuff is Pretty Cool!

2008-06-08T12:42:00.004-04:00

Out of fear of appearing like a disingenuous bandwagoning front-runner, I have kept silent during the Boston Celtics NBA season and playoff run. Even though I went to a handful of games this season with SCZA both this season AND LAST and making it a point to go to at least one game in each of the three seasons before then, for me to devote blogs to them would give the perception that me and the entire region of New England just woke up to them last summer when they signed Kevin Garnett. Nevermind that I haven't done much blogging about anything lately.

Boston used to be a Celtics town, no doubt about it, that's why Roger Clemens struck out 20 batters in front of 5,000 empty seats in 1986, because it was directly opposite a Celtics-Hawks playoff game that night. My dad would pull me from my sister's ballet recitals as soon as she was done to listen to the games from my car. One of my neighbors would throw a pool party every weekend just so everyone could watch the games together. I remember racing out of Little League games to watch the Celtics beat the Bucks to win the Eastern Conference Finals in 1985 or 87 whichever from the Bottiglio's and their pool. The Celtics playoff run was the perfect harbinger to summer.

Then you could write a version of "We Didn't Start the Fire" as to what happened next. The death of Len Bias, the retirement of Larry Bird, Kevin McHale, and Robert Parish, the death of Reggie Lewis, the implosion of the Old Boston Garden, the seemingly character-less Shawmut, Fleet, Bank of America TD Banknorth Center-Garden, M.L. Carr, Rick Pitino, not Tim Duncan, Ron Mercer, Joe Forte, Vin Baker, Antoine Walker, Raef LaFrentz, Sebastian Telfair, not Greg Oden, not Kevin Durant. Whenever Boston fans wanted to get behind their basketball team, something would bring them to disappointment.

The league had seemingly changed too. Players wore longer shorts, played less defense, seemed to get into more trouble off the court, and definitely seemed more selfish. Boston isn't a racist city at all, but we warm up less to "me first" attitude and the hip-hopification of sports culture than every other city in America, so when the NBA went in this direction, Boston and the Celtics were behind in parallel, and of course it didn't help that the Celtics sucked during this time.

There were glimpses of a return to glory, like 2002, when the Celtics staged a monumental comeback to seemingly take momentum in the Eastern Conference Finals against the Nets. But even that excitement was muted by the inevitability of a sweep at the hands of the Lakers or whomever the Western Conference Champion was at that time. Luckily it was the Nets who took that series and suffered this fate.

The Celtics always seemed to be handtied by the salary cap and the parameters of their host city (cold weather, black-unfriendly reputation). It looked as though especially after last year's lottery that the Celtics would NEVER be relevant to the NBA or Boston, or at least not any time soon.

The Celtics were able to turn their 5th pick the 2007 draft and two of their role players from their awful 2007 team into Ray Allen, a shooting guard who was clearly on the back nine of his career, if not the back three. The deal was given a lukewarm to outraged response. Then miraculously they turned every good draft pick they had, one player they never should've traded for and an expiring contract for Kevin Garnett. Garnett would've blocked the trade if not for Allen, with Paul Pierce they gave Boston a new "Big Three" or at least all they needed to claim superiority in the NBA's Eastern Conference.

After that the Celtics weren't just relevant, they were dominant, just like the Celtics of old. And the way they played, winning with defense and unselfishness, help endear them to the local fans.

I don't think it would've worked any other way. The Celtics had been rumored to be trading for Allen Iverson and Rasheed Wallace during GM Danny Ainge's tenure. The Celtics may have won with those players but they wouldn't have liked it here and Boston wouldn't have welcomed them like they do the always on first gear Garnett.

So now Boston has a Celtics team it can get behind, that wins and wins the right way and it feels like nothing's changed, on the brink of winning its first NBA Championship since 1987 with ironically the Lakers left in their way. Basketball fever has been woken up in Boston and this quiet fan is enjoying it.

You're the Inspiration...

2008-06-08T11:15:00.010-04:00

How do you resurrect a dormant blog?

Hot softball players?

Hot country music singers?

How about a hot country music singer PLAYING SOFTBALL!

Yep, that'll do it!

Pizza Marketing 101: What NOT to Do

2008-05-09T12:35:00.005-04:00

I've only been back in the Marketing Department of a restaurant chain known for pizza for a month but even I know this was a bad idea.

Papa John's in an attempt to gain exposure in the saturated restaurant market of Washington, DC decided to print t-shirts with a number 23 on the back and the name "Crybaby" on the top for fans to wear during the Washington Wizards-Cleveland Cavaliers opening round series at the Verizon Center. They looked liked this.

Of course the implication that Cleveland's star player Lebron James (23) was a "crybaby" upset many Ohioans who threatened a boycott.

So, in an attempt to appease these fans, Papa John's offered 23 cent Large One-Topping pizzas yesterday.

So of course,thousands waited hours in line on Thursday and as every pizza restaurant from Acropolis to Papa John's to your swankiest Italian neighborhood pizzeria does, they ran out of dough and had to shut doors on people who had been waiting for hours.

So post-mortem here's what was accomplished.

1. Pissing off a whole state by placating a couple thousand customers in an another area just to produce a witty t-shirt.

2. Selling pizza in that state for one day at a loss which is almost impossible to do for pizza.

3. Shutting doors on customers in the already pissed off area when you eventually run out of product.

Now even though the makers of the T-Shirt have been proven to be right (Lebron doesn't flop necessarily he "oversells" like he got shot everytime he gets touched) and Bertuccci's has over 45 restaurants in New England and none in Ohio. Bertuccci's will not be taking part in any promotion that could lead to such a backlash. Needless to say.

The Pride and The Pageantry...

2008-04-07T23:28:00.003-04:00

is now...Mr. Prime Rib of Pageantry

My Women's Bracket: Final Four

2008-04-07T23:19:00.002-04:00

~~UConn~~ over Stanford- I want to see a USC-Florida or USC-Ohio State BCS National Championship. There's something about seeing the two best programs playing each other for a National Championship that you want the opportunity to see. I thought that UConn and Tennessee were the two best programs and the year after they broke their yearly home and home agreement, that we'd see it. Apparently not so.

Tennessee over LSU- If you told me Candace Parker was going to pop her shoulder, I wouldn't have picked Tennessee. I guess there is some luck to this after all. Who am I kidding of course there is.

Tennessee over ~~UConn~~- I figured this would be the crowning moment to end Parker's career and it still may be. Tuesday night.

My Women's Bracket: Elite Eight

2008-04-06T22:57:00.002-04:00

Greensboro Region:

UConn over Rutgers- While Rutgers had beaten UConn earlier in the season, they got trounced by them in the rematch and got upset in the Big East Tournament. Plus they had developed a martyr complex after the Imus controversy and a controversal loss to Tennessee in February. UConn had Maya Moore who went to UConn, apparently after a tour of ESPN studios and they assured her Keith Olbermann was no longer employed there.

New Orleans Region:

LSU over North Carolina- The game was in New Orleans and Pokey Chatman was no longer LSU's coach. I figured that was two plusses. Plus I didn't want to be peppered with "Can UNC win both titles" talk all week long, so I bet with my heart here.

Oklahoma City Region:

Tennessee over ~~Duke~~- So excited to use this joke again. Is Candace Parker taking the same major as Chris Leak, JamesOn Curry, and Paul Harris (trust me in two years you'll understand that one)? Anyway, I think Tennessee had the easiest road to the Final Four of any of the one seeds and made this pick without blinking. On my trip to Nashville earlier this year, there was a billboard of Pat Summitt for insurance or something. I don't even know who Duke's coach is?

Spokane Region:

Stanford over Maryland- I made this pick after seeing how pissed Stanford was at getting, essentially a 5th No. 1 seed. I knew their coach would be able to rally them around bullshit and they'd roll over Maryland. Plus they showed Maryland's coach at halftime of their championship game win (the one held in Boston) and mentioned she had twins earlier in the year. Had to believe the twins were making her go soft.

My Women's Bracket: Sweet 16

2008-04-06T22:33:00.001-04:00

Greensboro Region: (While the Men's Tournament has gone back to committing to putting regional sites in all four regions of the country, Women's basketball is so regionally imbalanced, I imagine they want the flexibility of putting the four top seeds close to home, even if that means leaving out one section the country, hence the funny names like "Spokane Region" which if you live in a suburb of Spokane makes you that much more interested in Maryland-Stanford)

UConn over Old Dominion, Rutgers over ~~Cal~~- Had to figure Geno vs the "Nappy Headed Hoes" matchup was inevitable. I must confess I watched the selection show and they made such a big deal of the two teams being in the same region and what an injustice it was even though these were the only two elite Northeast programs and I'm always amazed how the committee manages to make sure no more than one team from each conference is in a group of 8 and have the seeds and selections make some kind of sense.

New Orleans Region:

North Carolina over Louisville, LSU over ~~Oklahoma State~~- Because we still aren't at the point where we care about the Men's and Women's tournament equally (and probably will never get to that point). All kinds of stink was made about UNC's mens team playing in Raleigh and Charlotte while the Men's team (also a #1 seed) had to go to New Orleans to be in the same regional as #2 LSU.

Oklahoma City Region:

Tennessee over ~~Oklahoma~~, ~~Duke~~ over ~~Syracuse~~- Another regional placement controversy was avoided with Oklahoma being replaced by Notre Dame here. Notre Dame didn't appear to be as competitive as past Notre Dame teams, so I didn't pick them far. According to my memory Duke has been to the Elite Eight 12 years in a row so I took them that far this time.

Spokane Region:

Maryland over Vanderbilt, Stanford over ~~Baylor~~- Another stink made was Maryland getting a 1 seed over Stanford but getting sent out West. The committee does this all the time in the Men's tournament when there are five one seeds. Put two of the teams in the same region and give one team the home location advantage and the other the one seed path. Yet Stanford looked pissed when the announcement was made. More on this later.

My Women's Bracket: Second Round

2008-04-06T21:53:00.004-04:00

UConn over Texas, North Carolina over Georgia, Tennessee over Purdue, Maryland over Nebraska- Again, I wasn't about to eliminate any of the top seeds before the sweet 16, they had all been there too many times. That's the major difference between men's and women's basketball and why its easier to do well in the Women's bracket with little experience. The top five or six programs have been the top programs for so long, they have all the experience going deep. In men's basketball the top 15 programs are on a four year rotation at the top and you can get married to programs whose teams are either a year past or a year away from really making their move.

Rutgers over Robert Morris, LSU over DePaul, ~~Syracuse~~ over Texas ATM, Stanford over Western Kentucky- This is Quentin Hillsman, Syracuse's Women's Basketball coach.

One Google could've saved me some points in Women's Tournament Challenge.

~~Cal~~ over George Washington, ~~Ohio State~~ over Oklahoma State, Duke over Arizona State, ~~Baylor~~ over ~~Wyoming~~- With the significant lesbian population in the Northern California area, I figured Cal women's basketball games were pretty popular and the program had an easy time recruiting. Later found out they had to resort to gimmicks like "donate your armpit hair, get in free" and a halftime cermony where the one Republican on campus was publicly stoned by a couple lucky fans.

Old Dominion over Virginia, Louisville over Kansas State, ~~Oklahoma~~ over Notre Dame, Vanderbilt over ~~New Mexico~~- Actually watched some of the Odie-UVa game. Didn't know if these teams played in the regular season but would make sense as they're both in Virginia. Anywho Oklahoma's women's team was ALWAYS on FSN here on Saturdays around 1, for some reason. I figured that reason was they were good enough to make the Sweet 16.

My Women's Bracket: First Round

2008-04-06T21:06:00.006-04:00

In my first year doing an NCAA Tournament Bracket for WOMEN'S Basketball, I managed to achieve a Top 10 percentile and nail all four final four teams. Well I picked the right ones, I didn't actually "nail" the teams, that would be a much more interesting blog. I feel much like the lucky receptionist in the men's pool as my logic in picking the teams had little to do with any knowledge of current Women's Basketball (Update: Stanford beat UConn tonight when I had the opposite result so my bracket isn't as stellar, but for a rookie, I still did pretty well.)

First Round

UConn over Cornell, North Carolina over Bucknell, Tennessee over Oral Roberts, Maryland over Coppin State- In Women's basketball a 16 (Harvard) has beaten a 1 (Stanford) but I don't know which year and didn't know that when I made these picks. If I had I would've picked Oral just for one last opportunity to use those jokes.

Rutgers over Robert Morris, LSU over Jackson State, Texas ATM over UTSA, Stanford over Cleveland State- Again, all chalk. Pretty easy so far. For the record LSU's opponent was really called Janet... Jackson State if you're nasty!

Cal over San Diego, Oklahoma State over East Tennessee State, Duke over Murray State, Baylor over Fresno State- How seriously can women take their basketball in San Diego? Oklahoma State's team is called the Cowgirls, which will be changed in a few more years of sluts wearing straw hats out in clubs. Fresno State had a hot as hell coach, but fired her. I can't support that decision with an upset pick.

Virginia over UCSB, Louisvlle over Miami (OH), Oklahoma over Illinois State, Vanderbilt over Montana- I'm sure all four of those mid-majors were pretty good but I had seen on ESPN's ticker that the four four seeds went far in conference tournaments because I mistook them for men's tournament scores. If pink is too "50's gender roles" for ESPN to use for these scores, how about orange? wouldn't that work?

Old Dominion over Liberty, Kansas State over Chattanooga, Notre Dame over SMU, ~~New Mexico~~ over West Virginia- I chose New Mexico as my 12-5 upset because Odie is always in the tournament and the Ghost of Jerry Falwell probably didn't give a shit about women's basketball anyway. Plus I enjoy West Virginia's misery because they handle it so well. I figured the New Mexico coach would have 15 death threats on his answering machine when he got home.

George Washington over Auburn, ~~Ohio State~~ over Florida State, Arizona State over Temple, ~~Wyoming~~ over Pittsburgh- Is anybody else watching John Adams on HBO? The guy they cast as George Washington looks EXACTLY like him, or at least every painting of him ever done. I wanted Ohio State to get to the sweet 16 to play LSU in a rematch Columbus would've taken too seriously. I didn't know if these girls played for Arizona State or not.

~~Georgia Tech~~ over Iowa State, ~~DePaul~~ over Marist, ~~Syracuse~~ over Hartford, ~~Western Kentucky~~ over UTEP- When in doubt I usually take the school with the better football team. DePaul almost beat UConn once, so there ya go. I had one last chance to be an unabashed homer and used it twice. Would've helped to know SU's coach looked just like its incompetent athletic director and was a complete nutjob. Seriously watching him react to calls and non-calls is almost worth the price of admission to these games. Western Kentucky's mens team burned me in "The Jerome" and in the first round of the NCAA tournament. I'm never picking against them before the Second Round of anything ever again.

Texas over Minnesota, Georgia over Iowa, Purdue over Utah, Nebraska over Xavier- When in doubt take the school with the better football team. Besides Texas used to be good in '80s when the girls wore shirt sleeves and not look sexy. As opposed to now when they wear tank tops and not look sexy.

NOW I see his point

2008-04-03T22:35:00.003-04:00

Paul doesn't play Fantasy Games with me because there's a chance I can get lucky and beat him

This weekend I'll explain my rationale for each and every pick and Paul will poke his eyes out.

Do You Like Prime Rib?

2008-04-03T22:16:00.001-04:00

If so, I have an announcement for you on Tuesday.

NCAA Men's Tournament Thoughts

2008-04-03T21:16:00.003-04:00

While I love a good upset more than just about anyone, I couldn't be happier with this year's "all chalk" tournament and this weekend's all one-seed Final Four. Upsets are what make the first two weekends of the tournament interesting and make cubile progonsticators feel very smart when say Davidson beats say Georgetown. But two years ago the tournament had an upset every day of the first two weeks and the Final Four that year was among the worst ever. In fact Final Fours are usually so anti-climatic that you never hear anybody rank Final Fours like you do the Super Bowls or World Serieseses. None of them have three memorable games that people talk about until Midnight Madness the following year. I think the potential for that exists this weekend. The four teams (add Tennessee but their hype was always reserved) that everyone was talking about all year long as the best in the country playing each other. You could make a legitimate case for each as to why they'll be cutting down the nets on Monday. Memphis had the best regular season but against an inferior schedule than Carolina, Kansas, and UCLA. I'm glad we have this weekend to find out without any doubt or controversy who the best team in the country is.

Who am I rooting for? Once again I am rooting for my wallet and my wallet has UCLA.

I am currently in 9th in my office pool out of 50 but am one of only two with UCLA as my chosen champion. The other person has UCLA beating North Carolina, I have UCLA beating Kansas. Therefore if UCLA wins the National Championship by beating Kansas, I PPD win the Berrttuccci's NCAA Office Pool to add to my Super Bowl Squares winnings and a job in the Marketing Department, and a new apartment. Am I THIS lucky? No but I just wanted to make you aware of the possibility. Here are some more random thoughts...

If North Carolina can play in Raleigh, and then Charlotte. Syracuse can play in Syracuse when it makes it and becomes a #1 seed (you see why this argument is moot now) you just take away the opportunity for SU season ticket holders to purchase tickets and you can justifiably call it a neutral site, as neutral as Charlotte was.

Anyone else notice Gus Johnson being groomed to take over for Jim Nantz who we all know would much rather be doing Masters research right now. I was shocked that he got the final game of last weekend and the lead-in to 60 Minutes. I think CBS is starting to take notice of his positive reception. The only thing that could ruin things for Gus...openly rooting for one team over another (see the Davidson-Wisconsin game after Brian Butch hits a three, Gus says "ugh", I swear).

Any coincidence that rumors are circulating about Brett Favre coming back so recently after Tyler Hansbrough becomes ESPN's new boyfriend?

That redhead Kansas cheerleader gets a lot of camera love just for looking slutty.

It'll be a shame in five years when Memphis has to take down this year's Final Four banner if the NCAA finds out Calipari used old means to get these guys to come to Memphis.

File me under "not so crazy" about the NCAA's new seating configuration for domed stadiums hosting the Regional Finals. For the Final Four I'm all for it, the demand is there and when filled its a striking sight but for the Sweet 16, if the good travelling state schools don't make it, you see A LOT of empty seats. Plus the coaches look goofy on those stools.

You may be thinking "Syracuse has a domed stadium, will they try this". You have to weigh Dr. Daryl Gross' desire to make as much revenue on basketball as he can vs. Syracuse's tendency to poo-poo new ideas. Then think the NCAA will most likely want them to use this configuration when they host the Regionals again in 2010. Maybe a 'dry run' during the 2009 early season would be a good idea. Then again, the only opponent that CNY could turn out 50,000 to see would have to be a big time out of conference opponent and I say it ain't happening til it absolutely has to in March of 2010.

Next year the East Regionals are held at TD Banknorth Garden in Boston. SCZA should starting pitching his blog idea now to make sure he gets credentials.

Sacchetti Redemption

2008-04-03T21:04:00.002-04:00

Scott had his wife-thrown low key quality time 30th birthday party last Saturday. Sharman made an incredible edible spread and like my own 30th birthday party Buffalo Chicken Dip was involved and it was delicious. The big revelation was a $200 chocolate cake of the likeness to Mr. Met.

Sharman's sister Maria was also there and her first act upon greeting me was to apologize for this unfortunate occurance (man did I write "flowery" back then)

Shall we Reassess?

2008-03-01T19:42:00.005-05:00

A little over a month ago I took a look at Syracuse's NCAA Tournament resume and came to an optimistic conclusion that Syracuse had a pretty good chance at making the NCAA Tournament even though they were playing mediocre basketball.

After Syracuse's devastating collapse to Pittsburgh today the Orange have loss three in a row, their RPI tomorrow will be somewhere around 60 and they have just 17 wins and a 7-9 record in the Big East with only one signature win, which seems like months ago against Georgetown.

The only way they make the tournament is if they win out the rest of the regular season (at Seton Hall, and home against Marquette) and win one game in the Big East Tournament (likely against West Virginia or Pittsburgh). That would give them 20 wins, a .500 conference record, three wins vs. the top 50, and a top ten Strength of Schedule. They could be a surprise in a la Stanford last year.

That's probably not going to happen as this was Syracuse's best performance of the year for 36 and a half minutes. It's hard to see a young team coming back and salvaging this season.

While Don'te Green's European style game (good length, outside shot, no toughness) had NBA Draftniks putting him in the lottery as recently as last month, that talk has seemed to cool down and I think a "Don'te Leave" T-Shirt and a good talk with Jim Boeheim (hint: It would start with "Carmelo Anthony was a friend of mine...") should return him to a team that could be loaded next year.

Actually they will be loaded, they will just have to overcome the tendency to disappoint that Syracuse has come to exemplify over the past five years.

SNL

2008-02-24T18:38:00.003-05:00

It is usual practice for me to forego going out socially during the winter except for special occasions so that I can save money to go out more often during the spring and summer when the weather is better and women can dress hotter.

So instead of looking for the next Mrs. Lynch (and hoping she's drunk) I stayed in and watched an episode of Saturday Night Live. This episode was the first new episode of any series that I know of since the end to the three month long Writer's Strike. Some have said that SNL's writers have been on strike for ten years now with regular skits and returning characters that wouldn't have made the notoriously grating 12:30-1:00 slot in the early 90's the show's heyday to our generation. Still they attempt political humor.

This is the most accurate depiction of the media's relationship with Barack Obama I've seen yet. It also exposes a major flaw in Obama's candidacy, that there is no one currently in place to accurately play him on 'SNL' if I was a tall half Black comedian, Lorne Michaels would have my head shot already...

Mike Huckabee made a cameo appearance in an attempt to increase his likability and profile for future Presidential campaigns by poking fun at his own lame duck candidacy this year...

Of course there may have been one other reason for me to stay in and watch 'SNL' perhaps my desire to come back in a second life as the microphone in this clip...

Good thing it was a Knee

2008-02-24T18:23:00.004-05:00

I thought my run at making sophomoric De'Cody Fagg jokes was over until today, when Fagg Blew Out his Knee at the NFL Combine. The injury occured during a combine drill where receivers had to grab the ball while keeping both legs in bounds. Fagg's stock was going down during the draft process he is still projected to go in the 7th round to the Packers.

Politics Tuesday: "The Potomac Primary"

2008-02-12T15:03:00.000-05:00

Now that "Super Tuesday" is over, the Primary Calendar gets more sparse with no more than four primaries on any one day for the rest of the calendar. John McCain is close to wrapping up the Republican nomination but has shown vulnerabilty as Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee has won in all states with SEC football teams or states with significant Evangelical Christian populations. Today's Virginia primary is his best chance to expand his win resume beyond that. For the Democrats Barack Obama seems to be surging to the nomination with Hillary hoping for a brokered convention at best. Here is an oversimplified look at today's Maryland, D.C., and Virginia Primaries, known together as the "Potomac Primary".

Republicans

Delegate Scoreboard
John McCain 723 Delegates (61% of delegates needed for nomination)
Mike Huckabee 217 Delegates (18% of delegates needed for nomination)
Ron Paul 16 Delegates (1% of delegates needed for nomination) as well as Val Venis, Iron Mike Sharpe, Bastion Booger and the Brooklyn Brawler

Virginia: 63 Delegates (5% of delegates needed for nomination), Winner Take All- A state much like the profile of McCain’s biggest win to date, South Carolina. The state’s high military population may be enough to offset the conservatives in that state that he has yet to win over. A Huckabee win continues and perhaps strengthens the “conservative headache” in the McCain campaign.

Maryland: 37 Delegates (3% of delegates needed for nomination), awarded by congressional district- Without an influx of Evangelical Christians, I expect McCain to continue his stretch of Northeast coastal primary wins.

District of Columbia: 19 Delegates (1.5% of delegates needed for nomination), Winner Take All- I assume the 19 delegates to be THE 19 Republicans who live in Washington D.C. I think they sat behind us at a Nationals game once and I remember 11 of them saying they liked McCain’s stance on National Security. Nobody will miss a meal exit polling this primary.

Democrats
Delegate Scoreboard
Hillary Clinton 1,148 Delegates (56.6% of delegates needed for nomination)
Barrraaaack Oooooooobamaaaaaaaa! 1,121 Delegates (55.3% of delegates needed for nomination)

Virginia: 83 Delegates (4% of delegates needed for nomination): Hillary’s best chance at avoiding a sweep and tripping up the 100mph train that seems to be the Obama campaign is Northern Virginia and its Northeast transplants. The southern and southwest parts of the state appear to be Obama’s.

Maryland: 70 Delegates (3.4% of delegates needed for nomination): You don’t have to watch “The Wire” to figure out this state is firmly in the Obama column.

District of Columbia: 15 Delegates (.7% of delegates needed for nomination): Washington DC is 57% African-American, name any other state or area that’s 57% African-American? Obama is winning 85% of the Black vote. 85% of 57 is 48.45%. Should be enough to get these delegates and a lead in the delegate count.

Prediction: Anything less than a sweep for McCain or Obama would be a disappointment. Don't expect a long night either. Maryland and DC should be called on both sides when polls close at 7pm tonight. The Republican Virginia race will probably be the last called and even that shouldn't be late.

Ted Kennedy Loses his Shit

2008-02-05T08:24:00.000-05:00

Fast forward to the 6:30 mark of this clip...

Holy Shit?!?! It worked!!!

2008-02-03T22:57:00.000-05:00

I'm not going to pretend this post was attempt at jinxing the Patriots or even an underpromise I hoped would overdeliver. I really thought New England would roll in this game. I will now buy both papers tomorrow. Listen to WEEI on my way in to work and out of work. And read each of the 200 comments on this post.

Paul was right. Not about asses or the BCS but about the outcome of this game. Just want to get that out of the way.

I did win $250 with my New England 7, New York 3 square out of the Halftime and 3rd Quarter scores (one foot away from the 1st Quarter), although I also had New England 4, New York 0 which held up until :35 left in the 4th Quarter.

Still, all in all, a good day.

Before I go I'll point out this game happened in the same location as Boise State's win over Oklahoma and four of the last six Super Bowl losers have missed the playoffs the following year. Okay, goodnight.

Super Bowl XLII

2008-02-03T10:56:00.000-05:00

Today is Super Bowl XLII. Super Bowl Sunday is a uniquely American tradition that I celebrate no matter which teams are involved. I won't lie this football season has been a trying one as my Broncos rebuild, my local team has had the best season in NFL history in a year where I thought one acquisition would destroy all they had built. The local media here covers the Patriots like a bunch of 11 year old girls covering Hannah Montana, except this year the Patriots are as successful and its hard to say most of the ass kissing they get isn't warranted. With that said, and granting that I loathe the New York sports fan almost as much as anyone, I am pulling for the Giants in this game. Few things would satisfy me more than listening to WEEI, reading those assholes at Bar Stool Sports, or watching the local news stations here scramble to find something else to cover all next week.

Speaking of local news stations. You must check out Scott's recap of Super Bowl Week including scandalous pictures of every woman named Ines at Media Day. I can't wait til he gets back East to debate whether or not Ines Sainz has a great ass (hint to my position: Shakira has a great ass, Stacy Kielber has a great ass, this chick just has all her fat in one place).

Back to the game. It'd be great to see a Giant upset here but I don't see it happening. This just feels like too many Super Bowls I grew up watching in the 80's and 90's where it was the AFC team everyone was talking into having a chance for two weeks and the NFC team leaning on a whole season being the best team in football to draw confidence from and cementing their place in history. Upsets do happen in the Super Bowl but not to this magnitude, where the dominant team of the year just shits their pants and lets themselves get beat. At least since the merger anyway. This Patriots team seems like the last team that'll happen too. And I'm not even talking about this latest spygate scandal. Although I'm sure Vegas took a lot of Patriots action over the past 24 hours. If Eli Manning does play better away from the scrutiny of New York than how should we expect him to play well in Super Bowl scrutiny? The Giants secondary is banged up and New England's offensive line is the best unit in the NFL. They are more likely to frustrate the Giants defensive line than the Giants defensive line frustrating Tom Brady.

Score Prediction: New England 42, New York Giants 10

Bettingwise, personally I have two GREAT squares this year (NE 7, NYG 3 and NE 4, NYG 0) that will hopefully win me some cash to ease my misery. For those of you making donations to Las Vegas by betting on the fun "Proposition Bets" here's a handful to keep you interested.

Coin Toss: Giants -150. 9 out of the past 11 Super Bowl Champions have lost the coin toss. So if you're betting the Patriots to win, bet the Giants to win the coin toss.

Will the Giants score a First Half Rushing Touchdown?: Yes +135 If the Giants do score a touchdown in the first half when New England likes to let you hang around before Belichick drops the hammer in the second half it will be by either Brandon Jacobs or Ahmad Bradshaw exposing the aging run defense of the Patriots.

What will Eli Manning Throw First: Interception +110 Even though Manning hasn't thrown an INT all postseason, I'm suprised this is the winning bet. Assante Samuel will make a lot of money this offseason for his ability to jump routes and Plaxico Burress is known for giving up on routes too soon (especially since he's banged up) I just see one of thses type of plays happening before Eli Manning is trusted in the red zone in a Super Bowl.

Laurence Maroney rushing yards: Over 82.5 Since no Fantasy games are riding on his performance (that I know of). Koolaid will go nuts.

First Player to Score: Heath Evans 18-1 If you're going to be stupid enough to bet this, you might as well bet the longshot. And a goalline fullback is as good of a "longshot" as I can think of.

So enjoy the Super Bowl as I enjoy the end of a painful football season. And to the Patriots, in the words of The Wire's Slim Charles at Omar's gunpoint "Do what you gotta do, just finish it!"

Hawkeye Warrior

2008-01-31T22:40:00.000-05:00

I read a LOT of college sports blogs, not just the SU blog Troy Nunes is an Absolute Magician. Some of them are informative, others are unabashedly homeriffic. Few provide such as simple yet genius stuff as I found on the Iowa Hawkeye blog Black Heart Gold Pants

The Ultimate Warrior on the 2008 Iowa Wrestling Team

My Primary Focus

2008-01-29T19:24:00.000-05:00

I'm a political junkie and being from New Hampshire I'm especially interested in Primary coverage each Tuesday and Saturday since early January. What makes the coverage even more interesting is the eye candy the news networks are parading to interest male viewers.

I can't stand Fox News' panel especially when they discuss John McCain's need to win over Republicans when his biggest strength is his winnability in the general election. However they do have a pretty "exit poll girl" Syracuse grad Megyn Kelly. Kind of the "Erin Andrews of Politics" even though she wiffed on a 82mph fastball when Brit Hume asked her why she was calling the Democrat facing Hillary Clinton in Michigan "MR. Uncommitted" (she said because Hillary was the only woman in the race), still not bad to look at.

MSNBC is holding back "The Norah" until the general election as she is their Congress Assignment reporter. They bring out Erin Burnett every once in a while but if you read that post, her wishes require she be much better looking.

One woman that has caught my attention is CNN strategist Amy Holmes. She has cuteness up to 11. I'm captivated with every word she says especially since she can talk objectively about political strategy, which you'll find if you watch the other two networks is a skill. I could listen to her talk politics forever.

It doesn't hurt that she's often seen on same screen as Donna Brazile.

The Wire

2008-01-26T10:42:00.000-05:00

Many of you know my love for HBO's "The Wire". Some of you have tried watching it and found it too hard to follow or too dark and depressing. Others just assumed its another 'Law and Order' and not bothered. The show is currently in its fifth and final season and to try and catch up now would require daily trips to Blockbuster renting the first four season's DVDs and starting to watch now is probably pointless but if you're curious as to what you've missed this Sunday's episode is the best in the entire series and one of the best episodes of any show I've ever watched. I'll try to set it up as best I can by going through the massive cast (or at least the ones whose stories are told on Sunday).

Mayor Thomas Carcetti is in his second year of his first term as Mayor of Baltimore a predominantly Black city with high crime, poverty and a school budget crisis that has forced him to cut other departments in the city including the police, even though he campaigned on a reduction of the crime rate.

Commissioner Ervin Burrell Commissioner of the Baltimore Police Department is responsible for that reduction in crime that has not happened. Burrell falsely reported a slight drop in crime even though there was a slight increase. Burrell was not a favorite of Carcetti before his election but he kept him in place due to the political ramifications of a white Mayor firing a Black Police Commissioner. Carcetti knows Burrell's numbers were false and has now moved to replace him.

Deputy Commissioner William Rawls a disingenuous police officer who puts more value in crime statistics than thorough police work but has savvy in working politicians and his police department but knows he can only get so high being white in Baltimore.

Colonel Cedric Daniels former Lieutenant in charge of the Major Crimes Unit in the first three seasons. His passion for quality felony arrests has caught the eye of Carcetti and sees him as a future Commissioner.

Detective Jimmy McNulty is the central character in The Wire if there is one. McNulty is a former patrol officer with a passion for solving murders at the risk of appearing insubordinate to his statistics focused superiors. His police career has taken him all over Baltimore and coincidentally or perhaps not taken him in and out of alcoholism and sex addiction. He is currently trying to stage a serial killing spree using previous homeless DOA's as a means to get the closed investigation of Marlo Stanfield reopened.

Detective Lester Freamon is McNulty's longtime colleague in Major Crimes. He too shares McNulty's itch to solve the Stanfield investigation even though he is currently on a "career case" fraud investigation of Baltimore's State Senator.

Detective Bunk Moreland is McNulty's best friend in the department and drinking buddy. He was the primary detective on the Stanfield investigation but does not agree with the serial killer plot that McNulty and Freamon are staging.

Marlo Stanfield is head of West Baltimore's drug operation after taking most corners from Avon Barksdale's crew after Avon's arrest. On his way to the top his people killed almost two dozen people and put their bodies in vacant homes which weren't discovered until the end of last season (this is the Stanfield investigation). He reluctantly joined the rest of Baltimore's drug dealers in the "New Day Co-op" but did so after being robbed at gunpoint by Omar. He is currently relying on them to launder his drug money.

Proposition Joe is the head of the "New Day Co-op" that shares premium cocaine and heroine smuggled by "The Greeks" while respecting established territories (Prop Joe represents East Baltimore). He runs a clock fixing shop and is VERY FAT. He is named "Proposition Joe" for his tendency to negotiate opportunities for him and the Co-op.

Omar Little, homosexual, sort of a "Gangster Robin Hood". He steals drugs and money from the city's drug dealers. After a tip from Prop Joe he hijacked Marlo's entire heroin stash last season before "retiring" in the Caribbean. Marlo had his friend and mentor Butchie killed as a means of bringing him back to Baltimore.

So...You're Saying there IS a Chance!

2008-01-25T20:45:00.000-05:00

After reading Paul's post after the Syracuse-Georgetown game. I sense that Paul is prepared for SU being left out of the NCAA Tournament again this year. While things may not look so good for the Orange currently, to write them off is to ignore a lot of mediocrity that is going on nationally among teams that will be vying for the 34 At-Large bids come March. ~~Syracuse is a great basketball team that deserves to go to the NCAA Tournament this year.~~ Syracuse's resume is such that it could be included in the 65 team field in what many have already labeled a "rebuilding year". While nothing below will heal Eric Devendorf's ACL, make Arinze Onuaku a good free-throw shooter or make Scoop Jardine any good at all, here is a ~~pollyanna's~~ optimistic look at the Syracuse resume.

Wins: All SU fans know Syracuse's 22 wins were the most by a Big East Tournament to not make the tournament since the field expanded to 65 teams. The Orange currently have 13 wins with 11 games to play. Before you think to yourself "Oh shit, they have to go 10-1" Here is what this year's team has going for it that others haven't.

RPI: As of this post Syracuse's RPI is 39th nationally. In this decade 6 of 8 teams ranked 39th have made the NCAA Tournament all by way of an at-large bid. Last year when Syracuse was notoriously snubbed, their RPI was 50.

Strength of Schedule: Syracuse's strength of schedule is 4th in the country behind Arizona, Miami (OH), and Tennessee. This is expected to at least hold steady if not bump up a spot but it most likely will not drop below 10th nationally. Since 2000, no team with 19 wins or more and a Strength of Schedule in the Top 10 has missed the tournament.

Record vs. Top 50: Has actually gone up to 1-6 (The Hawk will never die) since Paul's post, but an understandable concern nonetheless. How can Syracuse expect the committee to put it in the tournament unless they prove they can beat tournament teams? Forgetting that Kevin Durant and Texas only had 2 wins against teams in the Top 50 in the RPI last year, the Orange have more than ample opportunity to change this blemish on their resume with NINE games remaining against teams currently in the RPI Top 50. Five at home (Providence, Connecticut, Georgetown, Pittsburgh, Marquette) and Four on the road (Villanova, Louisville, Notre Dame, Seton Hall). While the opponent's place in the RPI Top 50 is tentative, Syracuse has a great chance to rack up wins at least against teams that will be in the bubble discussion come early March and maybe one or two "marquee" wins.

So what must Syracuse do? Considering these numbers 6-5 does it, and 5-6 with one win at Madison Square Garden may do it too. That would put them 19-13 on Selection Sunday with a Strength of Schedule likely in the Top 5. That would make them better than the one 18 win team with such a resume that got snubbed (Cincinnati in 2005). This would require marquee wins vs. two of the Top 20 teams on the Home schedule and two road wins over bubble contenders Notre Dame and Seton Hall. Not a gimme by any means but if this team gained any confidence by hanging with the Preseason favorite in the conference for 45 minutes, it is possible.

(No I don't know this all of the top of my head. Between now and March, I will be leaning on Ken Pomeroy's RPI site which is the first RPI site I found with Top 50 breakdowns and SOS stats.)

Seriously...Who?

2008-01-14T12:23:00.000-05:00

(All the links are technically SFW, but don't be an idiot. Don't look up any links related to porn at work unless you have info on your boss about HIS porn)

I thought it'd be funny to do a post on this weekend's AVN Awards and pretend to be unfamiliar with any of the winners.

Only thing is, I'm actually unfamiliar with most of the winners.

I haven't seen "Layout", winner for "Best Film"

Or "Upload", winner for "Best Video"

I have heard of Evan Stone, who won "Male Performer of the Year", beating out the other three guys in porn.

But the shocker (no pun intended) is I had not heard of Penny Flame (Best Actress in a Film), Eva Angelina (Best Actress in a Video) or the winner of the biggest prize in porn Sasha Grey (Female Performer of the Year).

This has less to do with any self-restraint on my part and more to do with an evolution of the industry centered more around the internet than video sales/rentals and a value placed on youthful looks rather than the ridiculous bodies of starlets of the 90's.

Further evidence of this is this incredibly self-congratulatory announcement by Jenna Jameson announcing her "retirement" from the business (Mick Foley is retired from wrestling too).

Jameson emphatically stated "I will never spread my legs in this industry again." She made this announcement before awarding the "Crossover" award to Stormy Daniels who thankfully proclaimed.

"Well I plan on spreading my legs for this industry for quite some time."

Night at the Garden and my "Thing with Foam Fingers"

2008-01-11T20:27:00.000-05:00

Despite coming down with my "January Cold", Scott convinced me to attend a Boston Bruins/Carolina Hurricanes game with him Tuesday night. I am usually able to resist the words "Free Food", "Free Beer", or even "Luxury Box" but I am defenseless against the use of all six of these words at the same time.

The Bruins (or actually TD Banknorth Garden) opened up a Luxury Suite to various media outlets in town so that they could at least be made aware that hockey was still being played in Boston as well as many other cities in America.

The crowd in our suite was all media. I didn't ask, you could tell from the conversations people were having and the names being dropped like passes intended for Santana Moss. In fact the only hat trick I heard all night was Scott dropping the names of three Channel 5 on-air personalities in one sentence to the Media Relations Rep hosting us at the suite.

The Bruins lost 1-0 on a goal by Yakov Smirnoff and the great goalie play of Sven Bjork (okay I just made those names up). At the end the people at TD Banknorth Garden gave us parting schwag for attending including a gym bag, water bottle, Bruins dish towel, USB drive and a yellow Bruins foam finger...

I had to decline the foam finger, much to the surprise of Scott.

I have a sensory defensiveness to open-celled foam which is what most foam fingers and unpainted Nerf balls are made of.

If I were to touch one, whatever arm was touching it (likely the other one too) would instantly break into goosebumps. I'm not sure if the goosebumps would go away as I usually remove my hand from the object before finding out.

I have no other phobias that I know of and acquired this one late in my youth as I remember having many foam fingers as a kid.

Now you know a little more about me.

Pizza Parlor Theater: SCZA's Bad Day

2007-12-27T18:16:00.000-05:00

To read Pizza Parlor Theater, mouse over the pictures to read each character's dialogue.

(In the offices of Channel 5 in Needham, Mass. Sports Producer SCZA is sitting alone contemplating his plans for his exclusive over the air showing of Saturday’s Patriots-Giants game)

(Door Knocks)

(Phone Rings)

The End.

Dwight has a new Bobblehead

2007-11-14T14:35:00.000-05:00

Qadry Ismail Just Said...

2007-10-08T19:42:00.000-04:00

"I'd go down on a guy in a minute" -ESPNNews' Qadry Ismail (in reference to whether or not the block that Trent Green got his concussion on was a dirty cut block) 7:45pm 10/7/07

Dirty Water: Another Jew with a Blog

2007-10-08T19:11:00.000-04:00

(Baked Beans has changed its name to Dirty Water. I hate Baked Beans but I "love that Dirty Water")

As Senator George Mitchell's investigation is winding down, former Red Sox outfielder Gabe Kapler is laying low. First as a manager for the Red Sox Single A affiliate in Greenville, SC, now as a blogger tracking the Red Sox 2007 postseason. Kapler plans to make a comeback to attempt to make the Sox roster once he squashes this Jacoby Ellsbury girlie-man like a bug.

You can check out his musings at Kapler's Corner

While I'm nobody to critique anybody else's blog (at least his is regularly updated), here is Gabe's words of wisdom:

Dateline:October 6, 2007
Subject: It's over!
Text: Manny...wow

Dateline:October 7, 2007
Subject: Let's start now!
Just a personal opinion, but I bet the Red Sox want to play ASAP. After a convincing sweep of the Angels in the ALDS, the last thing a team wants is to let that energy die down.

If the Yanks/Indians series drags on, The Sox don't have as much opportunity to utilize the positive emotion. As a hitter specifically, I want to be back in the batters box after one off day. Hitting is so much about timing and the bat can feel like a foreign object initially after a significant layoff.

For now let's enjoy an incredible ALDS victory and get ready for the ALCS!!

He does know the ALCS would start Friday regardless right?

Where Have I Heard This Before?

2007-10-08T19:06:00.001-04:00

You may have seen and been impressed by these new Cadillac CTS ads featuring Kate Walsh and New Zealand actor Martin Henderson.

You may have heard the riff after each actor asks “Does it return the favor?” and think “Where have I heard this before?”

Well it comes from one of my favorite 90’s rock songs “Stars” by one-hit wonders Hum released in 1995. The riff is about a minute in. Song is everything that made 90’s rock what it was, angst and sadness expressed at the same time but with an energy that made it enjoyable to listen to.

Do you think the members of Hum ever thought they’d make money off this song 12 years after they released it then went to music Bolivian?

Will this EVER stop being funny?

2007-09-25T23:46:00.000-04:00

A rowdy fan ran onto the field during the Kansas City Chiefs home game vs. the Minnesota Vikings. Security took him down but they had help and Pizza Parlor Keri Ann and I have timeless comedy...

From a Different angle, this could be KC's WWE entrance video...

Baked Beans: 'VideoGate'- The Sentence and My Thoughts

2007-09-13T20:34:00.000-04:00

The Patriots got their punishment from the NFL tonight for secretly videotaping the Jets signal callers during their Week 1 win. The punishment for the Three-Time Super Bowl Champions* is:

-$250,000 fine to the Patriots
-$500,000 fine to Bill Belichick himself
-A forfeit of their 2008 First Round Pick shall the Patriots make it to the playoffs for a fifth consecutive season* and sixth out of seven*
-A forfeit of a Second AND a Third Round Pick shall the Patriots not make the postseason for the first time in six seasons*

To gauge the reaction of the Patriots lemmings I temporarily broke my boycott of Bar Stool Sports to see how they are taking it. As you can see they ain't taking it well

(It now surprises me even less that I stopped hearing from them after writing a tongue-in-cheek Anti-Patriots column in May)

Funny thing is I have to agree. This is kinda bullshit for a practice that may not have even affected games at all especially in a sport as complicated to call from a coaching standpoint as football is.

On the other hand, anything that taints the pristine image of the New England Patriots Dynasty* makes me downright giddy. I've already put four asterisks in this post and I'm looking for context to put more in. Here we go, even with the illegal surveillance the Patriots Dynasty* came to a halt in Mile High in January of 2006.

The Pride and The Pageantry

2007-09-06T20:24:00.000-04:00

Maybe you've noticed its the first week of September and I haven't posted anything about my favorite sport, college football.

That might be because I moved it all to my newest blog project The Pride and The Pageantry

I started the blog in August but wanted to get it going before announcing it publicly. In that time I debuted the blog with my Projected Postseason Top 25 my unique format season preview.

Throughout the college football season you can expect:

Previews and spread predictions of every ESPN Thursday game.

A summary of the games I'll be watching every Saturday.

Quick Recaps of almost every game the next day

Here and there I'll do other features as they occur to me as I did
when Clemson beat Florida State last Monday

Of course there is and may never be a bigger story in college football this year than Appalachian State beating Michigan last Saturday. Here is the game's final play.

Pam is Single!

2007-09-06T19:48:00.000-04:00

Jenna Fischer, better known as Pam from "The Office" has separated from her husband writer/director James Gunn.

The split seems amicable as the two announced in a joint statement posted on their Myspace accounts (only in 2007):

"The enthusiasm we have expressed for each other's lives, spirits, and careers is real -- we have been each other's cheerleader and friend during the past six years and continue to be so now and in the future."

This is good news to the millions of Office fans, myself and others who are attracted to Pam in a different way than most people on TV.

For anyone looking to make a move on the newly single Receptionist at Dundler-Mifflin you can start at her Myspace page

Oh honey!

2007-08-26T17:39:00.000-04:00

I'll confess I watched more of the Miss Teen USA Pageant than I probably should've Friday but I completely missed this...

STFU: Kenny Chesney

2007-08-24T23:14:00.000-04:00

I'm bringing back a gimmick that had a lot of promise when I introduced it last year.

Paul and I disagree on whether or not there is ever a time to keep your mouth shut even when you know you're right.

On September 11 50 Cent and Kanye West's new CDs both hit record stores. The two have gone back and forth betting each is going to outsell the other, in what could be a publicity stunt to promote both albums.

Well on the same day, Country Music's best selling artist Kenny Chesney's new album also debuts...

He chimed in and made a prediction of his own.

"It's funny how with every record that comes out, we're aware of the urban (competition), and none of those acts acknowledge that I exist. "Until I have that No. 1 debut on the Top 200."

While I'll admit that took balls and with the loyalty of the country fanbase and the expected mass bootlegging of both rap albums, his words will prove prophetic, do you really want to piss off 50 Cent or Kanye West? Ever?

Kenny Chesney SHUT THE F*** UP!

The Family Grows

2007-08-24T22:24:00.000-04:00

This is the week that my blogging family almost doubled.

As you may have heard my friend Paulhad a baby boy on Tuesday. Well he wasted no time in setting up his own blog.

Chase Brennan 821 will be your source for all of Chase's pictures and news about Paul and his wife Kate's experiences as new parents.

Furthermore my friend Josh has decided to dive into the blogosphere

Fun Dip for your Mind will be your source for Josh's candid observations and politically incorrect commentary.

I encourage you to read all and read often as I will be. Now quit your bitching Josh.

"I'm Always Around"

2007-08-24T21:37:00.000-04:00

I know what you're thinking, I've gotten your hopes up, got you thinking things would be different in the past, only to leave you feeling abandoned and foolish. So much so you swore you'll never fall again. Well I'm back, and while it wasn't what you think, I think I know what I've done wrong and think I can be a better blogger to you in the future but first there is so much I have to tell you...

First of all, my company filters internet use through a company called Websense they make sure any sites that have no or little connection to anything work related are regulated or in some cases blocked altogether. To use examples I am limited to six log-ins of sports sites like ESPN.com or personal e-mail like AOL or GMail, I am forbidden altogether from going on say Gorilla Mask or anything raunchier if I were stupid enough to attempt to do so.

Well thanks probably to employees spending hours at a time doing stupid surveys on MySpace and blowing productivity, sites that were believed to be like Myspace were labeled "Personal Sites and Social Networking" and added to the "Black List",

Blogger and Blogspot were deemed like sites. So ever since I have been blocked from updating this blog from my desk at work during the day when news usually breaks or first reaches the Internet. I am also prevented from viewing any blog on the blogspot server directly and posting comments.

Furthermore for some reason I was no longer to simply piggyback a wireless internet connection like I used to so between the time I figured that out and the time the cable internet hook up kit came I was without internet connection at night.

So I figure from now on I will link hunt during the day during my off times (coffee break, lunch) and e-mail myself the links and drafts to post around dinner time. THERE WILL BE NO POSTING from 8:30 to 5:30 during the week but hopefully this way daily posting can be possible.

So will you be seeing me and my posts around. To quote Superman at the end of Superman Returns (as Jesus Christ), "I'm Always Around"

Hard Knocks

2007-08-24T18:54:00.000-04:00

As I’ve been slow to post about just about everything, I’ve been slow to post about this year’s edition of “Hard Knocks” showcasing the Kansas City Chiefs. While it thrills me to read first timer SCZA’s impressions, I feel bad for him as this edition is miles behind the Baltimore Ravens and even the Dallas Cowboys’ seasons of the show. With only two episodes left, it would take a long make-out session between Kelli Croyle and October Gonzalez for this season to be considered on par with the first two seasons. Here is why:

-The Borderline Guys: What makes this show work is that it focuses less attention on a team’s stars and more attention on guys 50 through 60 on the roster who have equal chance of making or not making the team so in the final two episodes when the final decisions are made and we meet Kansas City’s “Turk” (not McBride), we are nervous for them as they find out their fate on camera. I feel like after three episodes I know which of these guys are going to make it and which ones are not

Boomer Grigsby: No
Kyle Turley: Yes
Jason Dunn: Yes
Derrick Ross: No
Bobby Sippio: Yes
Casey Printers: No

-The Veterans: Eddie Kennison repeatedly asking Dwayne Bowe for Krispy Kremes isn’t exactly side-splitting. Tony Gonzalez and Donnie Edwards should be doing more than showcasing their wives. Damon Huard is doing an impression of Dennis Quaid’s character in ‘Any Given Sunday’.

-The Chiefs SUCK: This has been the theme of the past three weeks and I think HBO and NFL Films thought the Chiefs play in practice and preseason games was going to be comedy enough for this show. All its done is made me feel better about being a Bronco fan.

-Larry Johnson: While it may have been too much for us to expect a detailed play by play of the LJ negotiations, you know in case things never worked out, it would’ve been nice to see more than we did. LJ flying into Kansas City “just to change clothes”, followed by him nervously walking into Carl Peterson’s office then a cut to him running out and onto the practice field, while the production got me excited as an LJ fantasy owner it robbed us of access into by far the most intriguing plot of the Chiefs preseason.

That said, I love Gunther Cunningham and Tim Krumrie, Herman Edwards camera mugging and OF COURSE Kelli Croyle and October Gonzalez. I’ll be watching the next two weeks for sure and who knows, maybe the “Turk” will surprise us and Priest Holmes will get his release for all of us to see.

Jack in a Box: Something to Remember...

2007-08-24T18:44:00.000-04:00

For all those who are outraged at the casting of Jeannine Garafalo, or excited over the casting of the actor who plays Billy Walsh on Entourage, into the 7th season of '24'.

Remember around this time last year, we heard of the news that Kal Penn of Harold and Kumar fame was casted for Season 6.

Penn's character was dead by the fourth hour (the end of the two-day season premiere)

30 Runs!!!!!!

2007-08-24T18:39:00.000-04:00

Tim Kurkjian loves baseball and math. So when a baseball team puts up a high score, you can imagine how he gets a little giddy…but maybe not this giddy

In my research I found no evidence (i.e. wife, kids) to suggest that Tim Kurkjian has EVER kissed a girl.

Damn!

2007-08-24T18:36:00.001-04:00

HBO After Tony Soprano

2007-08-24T18:32:00.000-04:00

The ‘suits’ at HBO have decided to cancel ‘John from Cincinnati’ after just one season.

While comments from the cast and crew are few and far between the actor who plays the title character apparently didn’t take it too well

I never watched a minute as the show was apparently some contrived Jesus metaphor played out on a Southern California beach.

The good news is HBO has agreed to bring back Flight of the Conchords for a second season. The show crosses the line from funny to f*cked up too often usually in five minute long musical monologues (I find these a good time to grab a snack and a Sprite Zero) but the dialogue is hysterically genius making it an enjoyable 25 minutes after Entourage.

Marrying Billie in Philly: The Bill Procopio Wedding Blog

2007-08-22T00:54:00.000-04:00

As I get days away from my 30th birthday and my friends reach the milestone, its impossible not to think about how the next 30 years will be different from the first 30. Weddings bring these thoughts to the forefront like no other event. So when my friend Bill (known in my blogs as Vabilla) invited me and my friends to his wedding in Philadelphia, my friends who I have been seeing less and less without occasion, I wondered just how much would change this weekend and after.

The Man of Honor is Bill Procopio, Billie, Vabilla Ice, at one time he heckled this blog as the “Angry Reader” (hopefully that’s a revelation) but he is a pleasure to be around in person happy go lucky easy to have conversations with and will make you laugh now and then. His fiancée Alison is a beautiful woman whom probably saw Vabilla once but thought his friends (us) were tools so didn’t introduce herself to Bill until after we dispersed. There were three all SU couples at this event who had met each other AFTER graduation. That says something but I don’t know what. I’ve gotten to know and adore Alison as well other than one comment about my sparse use of profanity she has been a doll to me. Couldn’t wait to be with them on their wedding day…

Friday August 10

I hope everyone feels the way I do before one of these weekends. Anticipation with almost no chance of disappointment, ten guys getting together with no drama exchanging laughs interesting conversations and healthy amount of dick and fart jokes that remind us that while we’re all long out of college, those days are not forgotten.

In the rush to meet everyone I make perhaps an unwise decision. I forgo the Mass Pike and take I-95 all the way seeing some traffic. I was met by equal if not more traffic and to make a long agonizing story short, I made what is usually a 5 hour trip, 7 and a half. Although arriving late does make your entrance a little more grand as almost my friends and their wives are there to meet me.

Josh and his wife Erin, Paul and his wife Kate, Coach and his wife Stacey, Dan and his girlfriend Kristin, Smokey and his wife Krista, Coach’s friend Matt and his girlfriend Rachel, Bill’s friend Devo and his wife Amanda who I knew from my houseboy days at the Alpha Gamma Delta sorority house and of course Vabilla and his lovely fiancee’ Alison.

Erin is the first girl to greet me and in her intoxicated state let’s me know that there is a single girl in the wedding party and she’s fresh off a divorce and ready for post wedding action. You can always count on the Hughes’ to look out for the wheelhouse. Apparently she and this bridesmaid were exchanging post pregnancy stories.

After greetings a man by the name of Christian says that I have “some catching up to do” and buys me two shots of tequila which I would feel all day the next day. Once everyone is gathered people convene in Josh’s room for some more catching up and laughs before calling it a night. Someone brings up going to see the King Tut display at the Franklin Institute the next day, which sounds like a good idea, although if you get tequila in me and my friends together anything sounds like a good idea.

Saturday August 11

The Nathan Procopio wedding is a half Jewish half Italian ceremony following the Jewish tradition of taking place at dusk. This means there is plenty of time to kill between the time we wake up and the ceremony. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending how you feel about dead Egyptians, King Tut is sold out forcing us to make alternate plans. Over breakfast with Coach and Stacey we decide to be tourists in Philly. Taking the Phlash (trolley bus that stops at all the touristy stops, it gets you where you want to go in a flash but since its in Philadelphia it’s a Phlash, get it?.)

So what’d we see? If you guessed the Liberty Bell and Independence Hall, you’re right. I put the Liberty Bell up there with Plymouth Rock, the world’s largest rubber band ball in Kansas City, and Albany. If you’re close you feel like you need to see it, but once you see it, there’s nothing left to do but go back to where you came wondering what the big deal was.

I passed on Reading Market as it doesn’t occur to me that it might be exactly like Quincy Market in Boston. Perhaps it was how excited the wives in the party got at the sound of the word Market and join Smokey, and new arrivals Horse and Kevin for another Philly favorite cheesesteaks. Go to place called something Jim’s and while I liked my cheesesteak better than the one I got at the more famous Geno’s, I could easily name ten lunches more worth waiting an hour in line for than a cheesesteak but when in Philly this is what you wait in line for.

It’s easy to notice that the groom Vabilla is palpably nervous. While I’ve never been married myself, I’ve never understood what there is to be nervous about at a wedding. Most of the time the marriage license is signed so to back out would mean getting out of red tape, so that’s unlikely. With the money spent you can expect everything to be ready on time. Everyone in attendance is a relative or friend of yours so any embarrassments would be easily forgiven. In fact I would think an event like a wedding would be so regimented that even if anything did go wrong, it’d be easy to overcome. Not sure why Vabilla is so nervous, but he is.

Finally meet up with Beers who had in e-mail vowed to quit drinking, prompting us all to wonder why. We arrive at the ceremony in charter bus and are greeted by something I don’t think I’ve ever seen before, pre-wedding drinks and hors d’oeurves . The explanation for this is simple, most weddings take place in churches or synagogues where drinking before hand isn’t thought of but Vabilla and Alison’s wedding is taking place outside a reception hall in downtown Philadelphia. I imagine the wedding would’ve taken place somewhere inside the hall if it rained but the weather was perfect and Vabilla and Alison got married with the City of Brotherly Love as the backdrop.

The service was lovely, even though myself, Beers, Dan, Horse, and Smokey couldn’t find seats and we could barely hear Vabilla and Alison. They exchanged their own written vows in a unique move which may or may not have been ripped off David and Donna’s wedding in the final episode of Beverly Hills 90210. I love you forever, I love you forever, I do, I do candle, kiss, Bill and Alison are married…did someone say cocktail hour?

Ever since Paul’s wedding, cocktail hour has been my favorite part of every wedding I’ve gone to. And those with sushi bars always have a fond place in my memory. Well some port in Maine is missing its seafood because it’s all at THIS COCKTAIL HOUR. More varieties of shrimp than Bubba Gump can name, lobster tail and a sushi bar with California Roll, Spicy Tuna, Salmon all in rice to be consumed in nostril flaring Wasabi and Soy. Ahhhhhh! I visited the sushi bar four times rivaled only by my cocktail hour compadre Coach, we went up enough to irk the sushi chef until he gave up and stopped making any more sushi.

As we get in our seats the bridesmaids and groomsmen are introduced to the Chicago Bulls intro song to the surprise of absolutely no one who knows Vabilla. Vabilla and Alison come out to the theme song from Beverly Hills 90210 then perceive to do a dance routine that involved Vabilla swinging his new wife through his legs then doing some kind of kick over head right before she pops up. THAT was what he was so nervous about.

Beers reveals this his quit drinking e-mails were nothing but a ruse, a cunning attempt to trick us. He fooled me.

Josh challenges Jeff by saying that his college alter ego Horse is as good as dead and that he’ll never be as “cool” as he used to be. This challenges Jeff to channel Horse through several Coronas.

As for the divorcee, usually at weddings the single people know right away who each other are and will make eye contact and smile and socialize with purpose towards each other. None of that was happening and as my friends got drunker the less coy they were about their hopes of us getting together. At one point Horse slurs to her “you HAVE to meet Derek” and we got introduced for the fourth time. Wedding hookups are awkward and almost never happen under these circumstances.

Not that Horse was capable of being coy about anything. Shouting out during a particular slow song “Bill this sucks!” he meant the song but that didn’t matter to his wife Meg who gave him a look that I won’t forget anytime soon.

At the last song I finally dance with Amy (the divorcee’) we make small talk but nothing more than that for the third wedding blog in a row there is no juicy hookup story. I’m sorry.

The night ended triumphantly as Bill did one final dance to Ice Ice Baby in front of all his friends and family. If I get married before Bill is crippled, I expect him to bring back this return at my wedding.

Anyway, the fun continues to the charter bus back to the hotel as we sing songs like 8 year olds on the way to camp. And as usually happens on these weekends, the nights don’t end early or easily. In fact after the party was the hotel lobby groups of us drinking beer talking fantasy football paying too much attention to a talkative single girl (nope, didn’t hook up with her either). A group of people getting together to celebrate life’s changes and the things that will never change.

'Baked Beans': Kevin Garnett at Fenway

2007-08-03T21:57:00.000-04:00

As you know by now the Boston Celtics traded for Forward Kevin Garnett. The city of Boston is ecstatic and gave him a standing ovation when he threw the first pitch before the Red Sox game vs. Baltimore. Here is a picture that will further disturb the good people of Minnesota.

Garnett brought his wife to the ballpark and I think its safe to say Doug Mirabelli and Eric Hinske were impressed.

A "Once in a Lifetime" Weekend: Daren's Bachelor Party Blog

2007-07-19T22:04:00.000-04:00

(Note: I'll be adding my pictures this weekend, you can check out Daren's PG-13 version here where he pretends all he did was eat, watch baseball, and take pictures with everyone. And we drank SODA too! Caffeine free...)

I have only one brother, Daren, and after knowing him and his fiancée AnnMarie during their entire relationship. I safely bet he's only getting married one time. So when he asked me to be his Best Man, I was ready to throw him a ginormous bachelor party, yet he immediately told me that he wanted to keep things practical, cost-efficient, and within his favorite state of Ohio (I hope he remembers this on the flight from Las Vegas to Denver during my bachelor party at a date yet to be determined... and the flight from Denver to Montreal)

Thursday
Arrive at Port Columbus Airport at the same time as a flight of international exchange students. Lavish signs, people dressed like Uncle Sam speaking slow English to befuddled Asian teenagers. I’ve never seen a scene like this before and as much as I wanted to enjoy the comedy, my bag was ready and so were Daren and AnnMarie to pick me up.

Quick dinner at the “Rusty Bucket”, the problem was I had already eaten at the airport before my flight. I “endure” a small order of wings (Honey barbeque, no attempted colon explosions this weekend, I promised myself), and a couple beers, a good night but an early one, as Friday the fun begins.

Friday
Daren and AnnMarie are both working during the day, and that means I get to spend the day with my “son” and AnnMarie’s dog Bentley. Also I know Daren’s house is about a mile and a half from a Chipotle. Anyone who’s had it knows, a steak burrito from Chipotle (this time it’d have to be the mild salsa) is worth that walk. In line I get an idea for a welcoming gift for Bentley boo-head… side of steak from Chipotle.

Bentley enjoys the steak as much as I enjoyed my burrito, I’ve never seen this dog so happy in my life. But since I fed him “human food” I find it a good idea to take him for a walk so he can dispose of his treat outside. I think I heard Bentley ask if he could go back to Framingham with me. I think.

Take Daren and his friends Justin Natalie, Jon Marc and Doug for a nice meal at a place where you get to make your own nice meal, BD’s Mongolian Barbeque. Here’s the deal with this place as well as my last trip there. This time though I had to set limits. Not just for my digestive system, but the nightcap is a trip to Vanity a BYOB “gentlemen’s establishment” in Columbus. It would be disrespectful to have my breath smell like chili garlic sauce while receiving a lap dance from a lady of the night.

First plate: Shrimp, Crab, Scallops, Calamari with Broccoli, Mushrooms in a Lemon Pepper sauce with seasoned pepper over noodles
Second plate: Beef, NY Strip, Chicken, Meatballs with Mushrooms in Terriyaki Barbeque sauce with cumin over spiral noodles.

It should be mentioned that the hottest girl of the weekend was our waitress at Mongolian Barbeque, we tipped her a full 20% and invited her for shots, but she thought we were asking her for shots from the bar, and our approach missed.

In between stop at Fitzgerald’s where Jamie Natalie and Fred are waiting for us. Fitzgerald’s is a sports bar that seem to only show Ohio’s sports channels and the ESPN’s I’d hope they use the satellite for football season, at least on Sundays. Anyway we play some cornhole in the patio. This is where the “get reacquainted” conversations take place and my brother makes a notable gaffe. In talking about each other’s new houses my brother considers Doug grateful that his house “isn’t that one with the huge manhole coming out of the grass”. Unfortunately Doug corrects him “that IS my house”. Luckily its Daren’s bachelor party so he doesn’t have to tuck his tail between his legs. He gets to look at tail and what’s between women’s legs at Vanity.

Vanity is a classier BYOB strip club with decent quality if not quantity. Jamie is in charge of getting the beer and the beef choice…Natural Ice. Yep, Natty Ice. Tastes as good as it did when I was in high school. Weird thing is in Columbus or at least in this club the seats at the tipping table are so far below the stage that you need to stand up before the stripper collects your dollar. It’s a little tedious and makes anyone who does it look that much creepier but you get rewarded for your efforts with “titties in your face!” If you ever get a chance to see Jamie Natalie at a strip club, and that chance isn’t likely for most you HAVE TO. That man would’ve burned a hole between a stripper’s legs with his stare, if there wasn’t already a hole there, of course.

I get a lap dance, Daren gets several and there to pick us up…Daren’s fiancée AnnMarie. Yes, my brother has found a keeper! She takes us to Taco Bell on the way back (a REAL keeper!) I go right to bed, but as a condition of Daren’s pickup, he has to take a shower before bed. AnnMarie isn’t too happy with me either…Bentley threw up the steak.

Saturday

The drive from Columbus to Cleveland is the longest most boring two hour drive this country has between cities. Absolutely nothing to look at on your way there.

We pick up Daren’s longest known friend Justin Toman. Justin is the lone Michigan Wolverine in the Bachelor Party, which is kind of like being the lone Arab in a bachelor party in Tel Aviv, except a little more cordial. Justin is a down-to-earth guy as are the rest of my brother’s friends. Unlike the rest of his friends, he’s single, so I don’t feel guilty pointing out hot girls to him, which as you’ll see there were plenty of. Why?

Now when booking hotels, I found it particularly difficult for six weeks in advance in what is not usually a popular summer vacation destination. Settling for a kind of sketchy Days Inn in what appears to be a not so good area of Cleveland.

While we’re checking in so are couples of hot girls in Stetson hats, slightly overweight guys with goatees in Stetson hats and muscles shirts carrying coolers. Wouldn’t you know the Kenny Chesney tour is in town, playing Cleveland Browns Stadium. Kenny has sold out this stadium and Gillette Stadium in two weeks, and just about every stop on his tour in record time. Yet most of my readers wouldn’t recognize him if he ran over them with a pickup truck that said “I’m Kenny Chesney” on it. Anyway now I understand why hotel rooms were tough to come by and don’t feel as uncomfortable being in a bad part of town with 50,000 gun-toting rednecks in the area to protect me if need be.

Daren makes the honorable decision to invite two members of AnnMarie’s family, her father and her cousin “Dootz”. They meet us at the Days Inn and now the party’s ready to start.

The other comfort about getting a hotel in a bad part of Cleveland is finding out that Cleveland is one big “bad part”. Everything that’s not near Jacobs Field or Quicken Loans Arena (the “Gateway District”) or the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Browns Stadium is a ghetto, everything you hear is true. Furthermore they dug up half the roads so it’s a bitch to get around. Hundreds of hot girls in Stetsons getting drunk in the middle of the day couldn’t beautify the streets of Cleveland.

That said, Jacobs Field is a beautiful park, built in the mid 90’s around the time of Camden Yards it is every bit as nice. I enjoyed seeing it empty as I picked up our tickets to see the Cleveland Indians play the Kansas City Royals.

The Indians do a give away every Saturday and tonight they’re giving away Rick “Wild Thing” Vaughn eyeglasses. Jackpot! The Indians market the one thing about them I can appreciate on my one visit to their ballpark. Other good things about Jacobs Field. 22oz. Coronas for $8 which in baseball beer terms is a steal (Daren has about six of these). A Kiss Cam where the final shot is of two players on the opposing teams dugout next to each other, which is always good for a laugh, but kind of politically incorrect nowadays. Seemed like every player and every inning had an overly produced music video. These are things Fenway just doesn’t do. Although "the Jake" doesn’t have a “Sweet Caroline” to make fans look forward to the middle of the 8th and shots of players taking pies in the face called “Rally Pie” before the bottom of the 9th doesn’t motivate the fans or the players.

The Indians are unable to rally from a 5-0 deficit caused by a couple long balls given up by ace C.C. Sabathia and lose to lowly Kansas City 5-4 okay let’s drink.

“Dootz” takes us ALL THE WAY across town to “Dive Bar” an Ohio State Bar near Cleveland Browns Stadium. Of course Cleveland doesn’t bring any extra cabs for this weekend so there are none for us and we walk across Cleveland to Dive Bar.

Dive Bar is no dive bar. Over 30 beers on tap, including Amstel Light (having Amstel on tap automatically gives your bar ***** status, at least with me). The bar is fairly empty and this is our opportunity to poison Daren with shots. Of course the Kenny concert gets out and the bar immediately fills up with hicks. Now I’m a “hick at heart” so I see this as only a plus to the night. By the way, better to be a “hick at heart” than a “hick at brain”. There you go, a redneck joke for you blue-staters.

Among the influx into Dive Bar is College GameDay host and former Buckeye Kirk Herbstreit, Daren and Jamie immediately approach him. I’m too late to notice. They are able to snag a picture with him before he is taken away by hordes of chicks. I have a short list of celebrities who are faithful, Josh Beckett and Kirk Herbstreit are not on said list.

Anyway big crowd reactions for “Hang on Sloopy” and “She Thinks my Tractor’s Sexy” give the bar a special feel where everyone seems to be happy in unison. I miss this feeling, even though no bar in Syracuse ever felt this way at any point.

How’s Daren doing? He’s drunker than he’s ever been and better yet, we still have to take him back across town to his friend Frankie’s boat which he was kind enough to bring to Cleveland to dock on the Ohio River and drink. AnnMarie’s dad convinces a pizza delivery man to drive us cross town for $40 to get there. It needs to be said that between this gesture and him buying each of us many drinks. Having AnnMarie’s dad there didn’t take away from the fun at all, it added to it exponentially. Thank you!

In all the effort to get the boat to Cleveland, Daren’s experience on the boat was passing out in the cabin. Come 3am his brother and the crew wake him up to end his bachelor party. His ONE bachelor party.

Daren's Bachelor Party

2007-07-13T11:27:00.000-04:00

I'm in Columbus for Daren's Bachelor Party which will take place in two parts. One part is tonight a small gathering at one of Columbus' Gentlemen's Establishments (after Mongolian Barbeque) of course. Then tomorrow in Cleveland we'll all be WITNESSes to drunken debauchery on Daren's friend's boat docked on an area in Cleveland known as "The Flats".

Keep checking here for details on what is sure to be an interesting weekend.

KeriAnn Falls Short

2007-07-13T11:03:00.000-04:00

KeriAnn did not make the Celtics Dance Team, as the team was announced last night (I thought it was being announced Friday, hence the text message confusion for those that wrote).

Spoke with KeriAnn this morning and she is doing much better than you'd think. She had A LOT of fun just trying out and believe it or not this was a leap from what she's been doing most of her life (there are no baton twirling routines to "Pop, Lock, and Drop It!"). So to not make the team isn't as much of a disappointment for her as it would've been exciting if she did.

Thank you to everyone who voted for her in the Celtics.com poll

Congratulations Baylor!

2007-07-12T09:40:00.000-04:00

That game you lost in Double Overtime to Oklahoma in 2005...you actually won it! What an upset!

The NCAA retroactively forfeited all of Oklahoma's 2005 wins because of improper payments made to Quarterback Rhett Bomar and Lineman J.D. Quinn at what can be best described as a "No Show" job at a car dealership.

The Sooners also forfeit their Holiday Bowl win over Oregon but do not have to return the monies awarded to the University.

In addition, Oklahoma will lose 2 scholarships in 2008-09 and 2009-10.

As a result of the forfeits, Bob Stoops coaching record goes from 86-19 to 78-19. Shouldn't it be 78-27? Either way, he is not on the "hot seat".

Oklahoma's probation with the NCAA is also extended until 2010.

Oklahoma avoided a more harsh punishment by dismissing Bomar and Quinn last summer and banning athletes from working at the same dealership until 2008-09. This is becoming a popular trend in college athletics scandals, self-imposing light punishments to avoid harsher ones.

Retroactive forfeits are punchlines for blog posts and seem kind of a silly punishment. If UMass didn't go to the Final Four in '96, or Michigan in '93 or Ohio State in '99, then who did? What lessons are learned when a win a team knows it earned on the field is taken away for an incident off of it?

For some reason, this punishment is getting more publicity than the three retroactive forfeits I mentioned. Can't explain why. Maybe because the news came out on "No Game Wednesday".

In a related story, Syracuse petitioned the NCAA to get the results of its 2005 season rescinded unsuccessfully.

My Interview with Barry Bonds and other Random ASG Thoughts

2007-07-11T12:33:00.000-04:00

After seeing Barry Bonds Interview with Manny Mota (don't write me and tell me that wasn't Manny Mota, I know). I now know how an interview with him would go if I were conducting it:

Pizza Parlor Derek: Barry, what substances are you willing to admit to using that may have helped you to achieve the milestone you are about to achieve?

Barry Bonds: I tell you what, it is a beautiful day for baseball.

PPD: Yes, it is. Would the night you break Hank Aaron's record be diminished if Commissioner Bud Selig wasn't in attendance and do you think he should be?

BB: I'm just blessed to live in America. Such a great country.

PPD: Are you upset that Hank Aaron himself will not be in attendance?

BB: You know who I'm warming upto, this Ron Paul. I listened to him during one of the debates and I think he has some good ideas. I'm curious to see if McCain stays in the race through Iowa though.

PPD: Barry, it's been great chatting with you, good luck in the second half.

BB: Thank you.

(of course I'm omitting the stare on Bonds' face that probably would say "You read about that wrestler and his family? Well it can happen to a baseball player and YOUR family")

Other Random Thoughts

-I was praying A-Rod was running like he was (like a stick was up his ass) because he just pulled his hamstring.

-I inched up in my seat when Chris Young walked Brian Roberts only for the possibility that Derrek Lee was going to whiz a return throw at Young's head after a pickoff attempt.

-Tim McCarver has no idea what Wi-Fi is or who Turtle from Entourage is. Joe Buck misses Troy Aikman and can't wait to hang with him and feel cool.

-I make fun of Tim McCarver a lot, but at least once a game he'll tell you something you wouldn't have figured out for yourself watching the game alone. He is a hundred times better than Joe Morgan and 1/100th as good as Jerry Remy or Ron Darling or Keith Hernandez

-So there's heavy air in San Francisco and thin air in Denver. How heavy is New England air?

-Papelbon's the balls.

-I like when I ask myself things like "When did J.J. Putz become unhittable?" then see him get hit around. Makes me feel smart even though I ignore West Coast baseball.

-Imagine if Joe Buck and anybody else did last year's Fiesta Bowl instead of the clowns who did.

-I really do think Tony LaRussa forgot about Albert Pujols

All-Star Games

2007-07-11T09:19:00.000-04:00

I disagree somewhat with Paul on baseball's All-Star Game. Before that let me run down my opinions on each sports All-Star Game.

NFL Pro Bowl- By far the worst, half the named roster players sit out to the point that Trent Green and Steve McNair become "Pro Bowl Quarterbacks", there's no blitzing so the linebackers named to the game don't even get to show why they were named to the game in the first place. This absolutely should be replaced by a televised lavish banquet (like tonight's ESPY's) and the right to wear a gold patch on the shoulder of the best player (in the NFL) at each position.

NHL All-Star Game- So what if Alexander Ocherjlahjhsak from Tampa Bay had a Hat Trick. So did Oleg Jkrjewersac from Anaheim and Bret Hykcwzkcwzkckz from Edmonton. In fact the score was Who's He 12, Huh? 8.

NBA All-Star Game- An overly produced pickup game. Which takes place on what I call "Affirmative Action Day" after the Daytona 500. After Fox tries to find every black guy in Daytona, TNT shows pregame performances by Maroon 5, Foo Fighters, and Sugarland as both sports try to avoid being pigeonholed demographically.

MLB All-Star Game- I can see how Mets fans must hate the "This Time it Counts" clause, but even they have to admit this added to the excitement of last night's Bottom of the Ninth Inning. Of all the All-Star Games I've watched, last night felt the most like a regular season game. All the AL's runs were scored off pitchers on teams in Pennant contention as of the All-Star Break.

I know I'm in the minority in this but I like that every team must be represented in the game for a few reasons.

1) Feel good stories like Dmitri Young get to be told

2) Those that are still loyal Royals fans deserve the possibility of seeing a player on their team play in the All-Star Game even if it is Gil Meche. If a year came where three or four teams didn't have a player on the All-Star Game the game runs the risk of getting 5th place ratings in those markets and Fox would not get their moneys worth.

3) It also prevents a situation where three pitchers on one team need to be used in the game, rendering them useless the first three games of the second half.

I too have no idea why Tony LaRussa didn't pitch hit Albert Pujols for Aaron Rowand with the bases loaded. I think he may have forgotten Pujols was there and on his team that night. This might have been Tony LaRussa's first sign of age.

Lynch in '07

2007-07-09T13:24:00.000-04:00

Thank you to all who have voted for KeriAnn on Celtics.com's Vote for your Favorite Finalist contest.

KeriAnn has come back valiantly from her 1% early showing (polling research shows KeriAnn does not do well among people home at their computers on July 4 before they find out about the poll itself) to pull into 2nd place with 29% just six percentage points behind the leader.

A reminder you can vote once a day and can try deleting your cookies and voting for her multiple times if you want to (I've tried this but have never been able to single handedly move her percentage up). As this poll gets later and later its gets more difficult to increase her percentage.

Thank you again for all who have voted!

So Sad

2007-07-09T11:17:00.000-04:00

Paul, myself and just about anyone who has ever seen it agree that the 1993 movie "My Life" is the saddest movie ever made. The trailer should tell you what its all about...

While tens of thousands of sad songs have been written, most are about personal heartbreak and lost love which while sad, is something most can just as easily distance themselves from than relate to. Music, to me hasn't had an equivalent to "My Life".

On the plane to DC, I heard this song "If You're Reading This" by Tim McGraw (known to some as the guy who played the drunk dad in the movie version of "Friday Night Lights"), I welled up and came close to breaking down; and I was flying JetBlue which usually makes me happy.

Well turns out the song is a performance from the American Country Music Awards and the video is even sadder. I consider this video NSFW as being seen crying in the office isn't safe for anyone's career.

Can anyone name either a) a sadder movie than "My Life" or b) a sadder song than this one?

Back from Vacation

2007-07-09T10:42:00.000-04:00

I am back from my vacation spent mostly in the Washington, DC/Northern Virginia. If you're curious, I didn't do a running blog as I did just about the same trip last year. Differences between that trip and this trip: Biggest difference is last year, Josh and his wife Erin were pregnant, this year they have a beautiful 8 month old girl named Isabelle. Isabelle LOVES attention from family and strangers alike. We got along very well, obviously.

Their dog Kevin is adjusting to sharing the home with his new sister.

Most days were spent at the Woodway gym and pool while Josh worked and Erin took Isabelle to play with other babies while she gossiped with other mommies. Of course we ate at chain restaurants here is a rundown with quick summaries:

Rock Bottom- Your basic American bistro/pub, Josh and I went to what was supposed to be an SU Alumni Happy Hour but the Happy Hour seemed to be four dudes at a table with an SU flag so we stayed up front and flirted with our bartender and a waitress drinking on her day off. Of course we held both girls attention until they were swamped by horny employees who figured they could get some after work. This was the night of the NBA draft yet the employees were more interested in Copa America soccer, distressed that we wanted to watch the draft. Virginia hearts soccer apparently as every bar we went to after had Copa America on.

Glory Days- Usual Chili and Cheesesteak fun, but I'm a little saddened to hear this is chain. I thought Glory Days was special to Centreville.

Chipotle- Anyone who knows Josh and I need not be told we went here twice.

Melting Pot- A hoighty-toighty fondue restaurant which seems geared towards young adults on a third date as meals were priced to the couple and romantic music played throughout. After a bread and cheese course, salad, meat platter, and chocolate dip, I spent twenty minutes in the Men's room. Can't imagine that would contribute to a successful date.

Coastal Flats- Not to be confused with Rascal Flatts. This is Virginia's hot girl restaurant of choice as even with my brother's future in-laws present, my head was on a swivel. Delicious crab crake definitely for the yuppie crowd. On the TV at the bar, yep Copa America soccer.

Bertucci's- A convenient way for me to thank the Hughes' for their hospitality. We went to the one in Herndon. Our service was less than spectacular but I'm never comfortable using my corporate status to get a young girl in trouble as just three years ago, I had the same job as the young girl. So our beers sat a little bit. I'm forgiving. What I'm not forgiving of, Copa America soccer on every damn TV in one state.

I spent the middle of the trip getting acquainted with my brother's future in-law's the Jagodnik's. I would have nothing but nice things to say even if they weren't already fronting thousands of dollars so I can drink my ass off on a Saturday in September but thanks to them I was able to enjoy Washington's Fireworks on the Mall from Ft. Myer which we were only able to go to because of Daren's future Father-In-Law's status as a retired Lieutentant-Colonel in the Air Force. An awesome view and a reminder of who I have to thank to live in such a great country.

Couple anecdotes from the week:

For a religious, moral man, Josh LOVES stealing. He makes it a point to steal something from every trip he goes on. At Billy's Bachelor Party he stole a tee-marker and had us sign it as a souvenir for Billy. So we go to the Shade Tree bar (not a chain I hope) where its Country Karaoke Night (like old Willie Nelson karaoke, not the new brand that's growing on me presently). Two beer bottles are on the bar. The bartender takes our order but doesn't take any cash from us or a credit card to start a tab. So Josh decides itd be fun, to down our beers, take the two on the bar and leave without paying. Yep we stole beer. We pull this off running through the parking lot giggling.

During the July 4th Independence Day parade, a nice young father of two lets my mother up to the front with her wheelchair so she can see my sister twirl. When I asked where he was from he said "all over" as he was in the military and had moved his family (including two sons) from base to base. He left his children be until the Teletubbies went by on the parade at which point he covered his children's eyes and told me when he caught them watching when they were younger, he'd grab the remote and change the channel. Red State Folk: The nicest people you'll ever meet as long as you don't remind them of anyone gay.

A Nation Heals the Best Way it Can

2007-06-26T12:18:00.000-04:00

SCZA is still distraught over the Chris Benoit Tragedy but is gathering the will to move on. Nothing like a contest for an iPhone to lift his spirits.

SCZA is embroiled in a heated contest for a new Apple iPhone at work. They asked us to post our favorite station-related stories to our new content sharing site with YouTube... whoever gets to 10,000 views (or the most hits) wins the phone. Of course, I posted my appearance during the Aqua Teen Hunger Force debacle. So here's the deal, either click on THIS LINK or watch below. You don't actually have to watch, just turn down the volume, minimize it, and let it run. Do this as many times as you can. SCZA appreciates any and all help.

Chris Benoit

2007-06-26T00:24:00.000-04:00

As you've already heard by now WWE Superstar Chris Benoit was found dead along with his wife Nancy and 7-Year Old son Daniel.

WWE scrapped scripted plans for last night's 3 hour edition of Raw and instead did a three hour tribute/retrospective of Benoit's greatest matches with thoughts from WWE superstars in-between.

The fact that police found no bullet wounds or evidence of gun violence and the ironic timing of Benoit rushing back to Atlanta for a "Family Emergency" only to wind up dead the next day, left it impossible to come to usual conclusions.

Clouded by wrestlers admiration for Benoit were some repeated observations that Benoit was a "private person" who kept to himself.

Also found it striking that Jerry Lawler was very careful in his choice of words (falling short of the "good wrestler, great guy" eulogy that everyone else was giving, and was quick to bring up Nancy and Daniel, the other victims in this tragedy).

Benoit was a wrestler admired specifically by discerning wrestling fans as an underdog who unselfishly made his opponents look better throughout his career and broke the glass ceiling (read World Champion) usually reserved by bigger talent. It is for this reason, these fans related to Chris Benoit.

Well moments after the three hour eulogy went off the air WAGA-TV a Fox affiliate in Atlanta revealed the direction of the investigation.

Police believe Benoit himself is responsible for the deaths of Nancy and Daniel returning to Atlanta to kill himself on Monday.

While this is still conjecture, at least for today, if this were true then Benoit would go from lovable underdog to a deranged dark killer the likes of Cho-Sueng Hui and allegedly O.J. Simpson.

I'm sure a lot of details about Chris Benoit that many didn't know or didn't want to know will come out in the next couple weeks.

Let this serve as a lesson that in a business where fans willingly suspend disbelief, that it is foolish to think we know anything about the people we watch, admire and emulate once the camera goes off.

Billy's Bachelor Party Running Blog

2007-06-14T17:29:00.000-04:00

For Paul's account on the exact same event click here

It's been so long since I seen "The Kliq", the friends I lived with after the disbanding of Lambda Chi Alpha (more on this later) that when we got together for our friend Bill's (aka Billy, Billie, Vabilla) bachelor party, it didn't matter if it was in Montreal or Philadelphia. It was going to be an event worth blogging.

Thursday, June 14th

5:00pm- Happy Birthday Josh! After an uneventful six hour drive (seven with a stop at the Bertucci's in Wayne, PA) I am safely in Middletown for pregame Thursday. After meeting Josh's daughter Isabelle (she's napping) we break out Josh's birthday present, a Nintendo Wii and play golf. Of course, I suck. Surprisingly so does Jeff. Smokey's Tiger Woods, literally.

7:30pm- Childish activity #2, Junk Ball, Junk ball is Wiffle Ball with a gadget to cover the holes. We really are too old for this shit. This gets tired quick. On the way home, someone suggests Buffalo Wild Wings for dinner...

10:45pm- B-Dub's is as B-Dub's always is. A great time and a challenge. This time the challenge was 15 boneless wings with their hottest sauce "Blazin" and NTN Trivia. Unlike last time, I managed to escape the wings without any blindness. But there was a time I thought I would have to submit and finish second in NTN Trivia. The whole night turned around on the Kenny Chesney song "Keg in the Closet" (Huh? you say? Well here's the story... Kenny Chesney is Lambda Chi Alpha's most successful alumni, I am a close second. My friends and I got kicked out of Lambda Chi for having a Keg in the Basement of my house. So I take this song as a personal taunt. It inspires me in a strange way.)Anyway, Josh has his birthday meal. I conquered the Blazin' and won NTN Trivia (thanks to Greco's "Heroes" knowledge). This Party is off to a great start.

2:15am- Yes I'm still up. With all participants in attendance, the "Great American Pron (sic op) Swap" takes place. Having none I do not participate but the negotiations are hysterical. Interactive vs. 6 hour, 4 hour vs. anall (sic op), you've never laughed until you've heard married men try to trade pron and negotiate. Anyway two participants go home with new "entertainment" which will surely be labeled "NASCAR's Greatest Races" or "The History of Professional Wrestling". Time to call it a night, Golf tomorrow. Should be funny.

Friday, June 15

9:30am- It's very hard, when south of Columbus, OH or State College, PA to pass up breakfast at Waffle House. Its very hard for me at Waffle House to not get my hashbrowns Scattered, Smothered, Covered, Chopped, Topped, Diced, Capped* and Peppered (*I think they added Capped (Mushrooms) in the past four or five years, this is also known as "Scattered All the Way" but how fun is that to say") Now don't forget I had "Blazin'" Buffalo Wings the night before and I'm not as young as I used to be, therefore I leave without finishing my disgusting and delicious hashbrowns.

11:30am- I will never be good at golf, I accepted this a long time ago and have chosen to forego this frustrating game of unwritten etiquette (don't hold up faster foursomes, don't wipe your ass with the ballwashing towel). Yet when your friends book tee times it is my duty as a friend to at least give it the old college try, or at least play every third hole on the back nine. Jeff, on the other hand plays three times a week and is determined to win...to win the Ten Douchebags Who Don't Play Golf That Much Open. He racks his brain trying to come up with fair foursomes, stretches, breaks out his obnxiously bolbous driver and takes the course with Coach (the other decent golfer). My foursome is Josh, Smokey, Greco, and myself. Anyway golf goes as expected Josh giving the effort, Smoke doing the same, Greco and I buying drinks from the hot cart girl taking it all in. Four hours later, Jeff does win the TDWDPGTM Open and we go in.

So Josh has drank his way past a buzz and decides to ride with me. Of course when Josh drinks he gets bladder issues. One he takes care of by pissing in a Gatorade bottle and leaving it in Bill's car (at my encouragement), the other he decides to handle during a Philly traffic jam by moving to the back seat of my car and pissing into a Dunkin Donuts mug and dumping it into the street, Josh turned 30 yesterday and recently became a father. Just thought I'd remind you of that.

10:30pm- After a smooth check-in we had a hoighty-toighty dinner at The Public House. The bouncers originally barred us for wearing sneakers (which I completely agree with, once you are gainfully employed for the first time, there is no need to wear sneakers on a weekend out). After filling up on overpriced but good meat we head to the first of two strip clubs for the weekend, Show N' Tel.

(Before you prepare yourself to be either turned on or disgusted, now is a good time to disclose my theory on strip clubs. I don't say this to appear sanctimonious or sensitive, but there are millions of guys who enjoy strip clubs more than I do. If girls were giving me lap dances because of my cleft chin, blue eyes, smile, and charming false ego, that'd be one thing, but their only interest is the cash in my wallet. The same cash as the 70 year old Asian guy two tables down from me has. Sort of takes away from the turn on. That said it is a necessary and unnegotiable part of the bachelor party experience and if I were a bride-to-be, I'd be more worried about my fiance' going to real clubs where his friends don't have to give girls money to grind on them all night.)

Show N' Tel, at previous bachelor parties, used to provide some talented eye candy for us to ogle. Well, let's just say times have changed. Syracuse football hasn't declined as much as Show N' Tel in the past two years. "Desire", "Chastity", and "Angel" have been replaced by "Cyringe", "Daddy Issues", "Binge" and "Purge". One stripper "Snow" (wonder how she got that name) clings to us like a mosquito, telling us all abour her life at work and outside. Paul and Dan would ask the ladies which one they thought was older. 3 out of 5 strippers thought Paul (younger) was older. Stripper Drama arose when some guy (not in our group) tipped "Snow" in an inappropriate place with some force. Some guy got beat outside the club. I was looking at my watch at 11:00pm. The important thing was Billy had a good time and I had good blog material.

Saturday June 16

11:00am- After a night out like Friday, nobody wakes up with any time to shower or eat breakfast before its time to leave. Good thing we're playing Paintball with ourselves. As far as the blog is concerned I screwed this up. After layering up, I figured a digital camera isn't the best thing to take with you into the woods. Little did I know we would all be renting Camouflage suits. This would've been an ideal group picture, but of course my camera is nowhere to be found. Oh well.

Paintball is similar to golf in that if you want to be any good you have to play regularly (and you never play for free) and have your own equipment (which isn't cheap, either). If not, you're left renting 15 year old guns with half as many rounds and goggles which, thermal or not, fog up in your face making you a sitting duck. Guess which group I fall into?

Our referee's name is Sean. Sean apparently likes his weed as when he first greets us he's about as baked as I've ever seen anyone outside of Syracuse University.

Anyway three hours of paintball take place in two courses; one a woods course, one a hill course in which you storm a fort uphill, our favorite. Anyone that's played paintball knows when you get hit the paint doesn't tickle. I get hit on my head, face, and chest throughout the day. Whether or not I hit anyone, I don't know. I couldn't see. God bless our troops is all I have to say. I struggled at fake war.

Since we were an odd number, Sean invites an approximately 11 year old kid named Little Matt (think Gary Coleman from Different Strokes) to join our group. He is better than most of us, of course. After about six games we tip Sean about 50 bucks and he is most grateful.

6:00pm- In the downtime, most of us become Philadelphia tourists and go to South Philly for Cheesesteaks from the World Famous Pat's and Geno's steakhouses located directly across from one another. For some reason I thought the two cheesesteak places were set aside in a touristy area of Philly. Nope, right in the middle of South Philadelphia. Some went to Geno's (most recently known for the owners "English only" crusade), some went to Pat's. Some like Smokey got a cheesesteak from both. I choose Geno's and while I'm glad I did, I'd take a No. 9 from D'Angelo's over either of the two Philly Cheesesteaks. Nonetheless a jaunt like this was long overdue.

10:00pm- Time for Strip Club Number Too, the Crazy Horse Too located near Citizen's Bank Park and Lincoln Financial Field. Only one word to say, Upgrade! In fact I'm in a better mood I might throw around some money here. It wouldn't be enough to impress any one though as three guys came in to actually "Make it Rain". For those of you who don't know "Making it Rain" is throwing money up in the air in such mass amounts that it looks precipitous and makes it clear you have money to spare. Well these guys must have made it rain to the tune of $20,000. Carrying stacks of $20s and $5s Billy, Josh, and Jeff befriend them as I'm too busy trying to figure out what they do.

Were they athletes? I don't think so unless they played for the Soul, and even so they wouldn't be spending money like that? Were they drug dealers? Don't think drug dealers would be in a public area of a strip club. Think they'd go right to VIP as to not get spotted. Who knows who they were? Who cares they were nice? More importantly we knew who we were. 11 friends who don't see each other enough having a good time picking up where they left off.

An Even More Ridiculous Ending...

2007-06-12T09:53:00.000-04:00

Actually caught some WWE Raw last night (anyone know of a good summer Monday show?).

Mr. McMahon is apparently dead. Either that or he learned survival skills from Jack McKay...

Watch

Paul Poops on Sopranos' Critics

2007-06-12T08:41:00.000-04:00

My good friend Paul is lashing out at critics and speculators of Sunday's Sopranos finale.

He calls the ending "genius", I'm not sure if he believes this or is doing what he loves, observing a consensus and arguing the merit in the other point of view.

My argument is that after eight years of investing emotions and thoughts into a character, we deserved to know what happened to Tony Soprano either way. If Sunday night just ended with them together eating onion rings I would've been fine (I've never been a Sopranos "bloodhound" like the friend of mine who texted me halfway through saying "this is touching and all, but I want some killing"), if Members Only jacket guy had shot Tony, I would've been fine. But not knowing makes me feel a little stupid for caring about Tony Soprano for six (really seven) seasons.

He also took some shots at '24' which is popular to do this year (although he's been consistent with this). For the record this would be an intelligent way to end '24', even though I would riot, to kill or not kill Jack in the first minute of the 25th hour.

Yes, I am trying to settle this argument so that it does not dominate what is shaping to be an epic weekend coming up where I will run into Paul and most of the rest of Kliq 920.

Perhaps Paul is just lamenting the loss of a crush. I somehow don't think Jamie-Lyn Sigler is going anywhere and will show up on some CBS sitcom someday (maybe How I Met Your Mother).

I also still think at some point HBO will unveil the ending in a desparate ratings grab sometime next year.

The Sopranos Finale

2007-06-10T22:43:00.000-04:00

(SPOILER ALERT: If you don't want any of last night's Series Finale of "The Sopranos" spoiled for you do NOT scroll past the picture of the final scene of seven seasons of one of the most loyally followed shows in television history)

So when David Chase said he had an idea how he wanted The Sopranos to end, he meant to say he knew how he wanted his post Sopranos career to begin...touring colleges not answering the question "What happened to Tony?". I'm sure the answer is "What do you think?"

Well my guess is...

Meadow had already made plans to go to Holsten's, not to meet her family but to go out with the guy in the jacket they kept showing during "Don't Stop Believing". She ran in after being so nervous it took six times to parallel park (great television by the way). In a moment of young lust, ran hastily into the restaurant to meet her date in the Men's room for some quick oral before dinner. Tony is shocked to look up and see his daughter so thrown to a creepy old man.

Who's to say I'm wrong?

Besides Phil Leotardo being run over while stopping for $2.49 a gallon gas (ah, the good old days) and AJ getting a smoking new girlfriend in high school, the series finale disappointed because of an artistic trick purposely written to make us want for more, that we're clearly not getting in case talks about a movie resume (and if so who is left to be in it).

I'm sure all this stuff with AJ is supposed to be some kind of political commentary but AJ was by far the worst character of the show and the fact the finale spent so much time on him was more disappointing than the "did your DVR crap out or not" ending.

In closing, I'm almost glad the show ended this way. It had turned it on like a basketball player in a contract year these past nine episodes and had me wondering why the show couldn't have always been this way. Like AJ seeing his SUV blowing up it is cleansing to see the show fail to meet expectations. May make me miss it less.

Won't make me watch "John from Cincinnati".

Go Away!...and Give me Money!!

2007-06-07T12:53:00.000-04:00

Here is the list of people who have a claim to sue the makers of 'Borat'(7 out of 8 Pizza Slices).

1. The Minister who owned the house where Borat has the dinner where he put his shit in a bag and invites a black prostitute into the house.

2. The owner of the Antique shop where Borat breaks everything and settles for a couple hundred bucks.

3. Me, still not able to get that hotel room scene out of my head.

(Everybody else in the movie...)

78. The Victoria's Secret mannequin Borat jerks off in front of in Manhattan.

79. This guy

80. Those South Carolina frat guys who I assume got most of their scene cut out of the DVD.

Pizza Parlor Review: Knocked Up

2007-06-07T12:12:00.000-04:00

(SPOILER ALERT: I'm not a good enough movie critic to write a review without spoilers so if you don't want any of 'Knocked Up' spoiled for you Do NOT scroll past the picture of the movie poster)

Such is becoming tradition in Hollywood that whenever two supporting characters supposedly "steal a show" in a hit comedy, it makes sense to spin off that success with the actors who played said characters in their own movie either playing the same characters or different.

Seth Rogen and Paul Rudd (known as the "You're so gay..." guys from 40-Year Old Virgin) star along with Katherine Heigl and her breasts in the positively reviewed comedy "Knocked Up".

Rogen plays Benjamin Stone, a 23 year old webpage developer with no steady income who has a one-night stand with Allison Scott, and E! News Daily reporter played by Heigl (and her breasts). Their morning after awkwardness (symbolized by a goodbye hug/attempted peck kiss, which I found funny) is magnified eight weeks later when Scott is found to be pregnant. While Stone and Scott immediately decide to keep the baby and try to make a relationship work. Stone is torn between Scott and his old life and friends (played by a collection of "that guys" none bringing too much to the table).

Their couple struggles parallel Scott's sister Debbie played by Leslie Mann (not Bibb) and her husband Pete, played by Rudd. Debbie's discovery that Pete was "cheating" on her by playing Fantasy Baseball at the same time Allison decides her and Ben can't make it work, lead to Rogen and Rudd's characters going to Vegas, parodizing "Swingers", taking psychadelic mushrooms in one of the funnier parts of the movie.

Major cameos in the film are Ryan Seacrest (who I was supposed to be surprised hear dropping F-bombs) and Steve Carrell (I was waiting for this the whole time).

The movie definitely has its laugh out loud moments and enough of them to make it worth seeing in theaters and spending 8 bucks. IT IS NOT FUNNIER THAN 40-YEAR OLD VIRGIN. Whoever said that was on crack. If there's one more thing I can put in caps. DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE ON A FIRST OR SECOND DATE. It is the advertisement for the Fast Forward Relationship.

The biggest disappointment is Ben's four buddies. They really bring nothing to the table except Pot Humor which I didn't even find funny when I was 19, nonetheless 29. I don't expect any of them to get their own movie anytime soon.

I give "Knocked Up" 5 out of 8 Pizza Slices.

Catching Up: The Sopranos

2007-06-07T10:48:00.000-04:00

Perhaps the most conspicuous part of my silence came during this final season of The Sopranos, specifically last Sunday's epic penultimate (one of my favorite words) episode which saw (if you haven't seen by this point, you aren't enough of a Sopranos fan for me to care about spoiling it for you) the death of Bobby Baccala and the TV Death of Silvio Dante (Out for Season, Coma). Luckily for me Paul and Scott covered the episode beautifully.

Often times penultimate episodes provide more action and plot development than finales which usually serve to tie loose ends and summarize. I find people's predictions for the finale fall in line with other they shows they watch besides the The Sopranos:

If you expect Tony to get shot out of nowhere and die after he thinks its safe to rejoin his family...then you've confused The Sopranos with 'Oz'.

If you expect Paulie to have been working for Phil Leotardo, butchering the hit on purpose and giving up the safe house location for Tony to die in an ambush...then you've confused The Sopranos with '24' or WWE.

If you expect Tony to get nabbed by the feds and thrown in jail for a rap he can no longer beat...then you've confused The Sopranos with "Law and Order".

If you expect Meadow to give up Law School and become a dancer at the Bada Bing...then you've confused The Sopranos with "The Sopornos" or your own fantasies.

If you expect Phil to get nabbed by the feds before the hit on Tony goes through, Tony to come home to a large family dinner after a heart to heart with Uncle Junior talk about family and future and love. Then you've confused The Sopranos with The Sopranos and you're probably right.

Catching Up: Why the Hiatus?

2007-06-07T09:42:00.000-04:00

As some of you have suspected, the panning from Bar Stool Sports sent me into a "Writer's Funk" where writing felt like more of a waste of time than anything else.
After the debacle which was my "Church of Piolichick" column, I quickly wrote my editor with another column, a well researched link-filled look at other Major League contenders other than the Yankees that could not be labeled a "weak effort", and a professional apology for how the previous column was received.

This was his response...

Nor was the column ever posted. The lack of professionalism surprised me even for a free newspaper and viral website. Funny thing is I sensed a harbinger to this when my editor thanked me for my draft work by saying I did great work "for a Bar Stool rookie". While I stand by my last column with them, even though it wasn't my best work, I admit I made the mistake of writing for what I thought the audience was rather than writing as myself.

Anyway the embarrassment made me trigger shy with my writing causing the hiatus on this blog, but the good news is I am now over it. I am working on another blog project that will allow me to write sportswriting that comes easily to me and is enjoyable (If you want a hint, this project will launch in August). I am back to posting to this blog regularly or at least as regularly as I can.

I am also about to embark on the "Summer of a Lifetime", loaded with bachelor parties, weddings, and a vacation. This is the first summer with my new laptop which will make blogging the events of this summer even more fun and timely.

As always I thank you for reading and promise more quality posts in the future.

Jack in a Box: Season 6 (in Review)

2007-05-22T08:50:00.000-04:00

Spoilers don't start until the "The World is Saved but..." paragraph. So if you don't want to find out anything, you should be fine.

In the beginning: America is reeling from a series of successful terrorist attacks in Baltimore, San Antonio, Los Angeles and several other cities. The one man that can stop the attacks, Jack Bauer is being returned from China, effectively throwing away last season's finale cliffhanger, to the terrorists in exchange for an end to the attacks.

The Threat: On this day, five suitcase nukes, with only one going off. Then "The Component", part of the nukes with Russian weaponry secrets causing a triangle of tensions between the US, China, and Russia.

12-Hour Villians: Abu Fayed and Dmitri Gredeynko, far and away the worst bad guys in 24 history. These guys were beaten at every phase of their plan except for the first nuke launch in hour 4. Both perished, Fayed after a fight scene with Jack that was one of the season's highlights, Gredeynko appropriately fainting into the tide due to loss of blood from an arm severed to avoid CTU detection. Actually the first 18 hours was about these two clowns.

Real Villian(s): Jack's father Phillip and his captor Cheng Zhi, conspire to get "The Component" into Chinese hands in exchange for Jack's nephew Josh abducted in a raid on CTU.

Their Reason: For Cheng it is still revenge for Jack's attack on the Chinese consul in season 4. For Phillip, he says he wants to raise Josh as another son, for one (Jack) abandoned him to serve the military and the other was disposed of as part of Phillip's conspiracy.

Political Angle: In a climate that would befuddle present day political scientists, the country goes from the appeasement policies of President Wayne (David's brother) Palmer towards Muslim-Americans and "Fayed's country" to Vice President Daniels' Neo-Conservative policies of pre-emptive strikes after a failed assassination attempt led by followers of Daniels incapacitates Palmer.

The Mole(s): None, Daniels' assistant/girlfriend's information was being sent to the Russians by her other boyfriend a lobbyist by the name of Mark Bishop but the Mole technique was one of few not repeated from other seasons this season.

The World is Saved but…: The World was going to be saved by an air strike by F-18s on an oil rig where Phillip and Cheng were exchanging "The Component" for Josh. The only issue in doubt was whether young Josh would be lifted before the strike and if Jack would survive. He was and he did. However Jack is forced to finally concede that he must let go of her latest love, Audrey Raines, for her protection and ends the day in a moment of introspection looking along the Pacific Ocean.

Thoughts: Here is my ongoing rank of Seasons:

1. Season 4
2. Season 1
3. Season 3
4. Season 5
5. Season 2
Last and definitely least. Season 6. Everyone from fans, to the writers all the way up to executives at Fox are conceding this. From the storylines and characters solely written to soften criticism from Muslim Advocacy groups angry over the Abu Fayed character to the "cameo appearances" of The Logans, Aaron Pierce, Audrey and James Heller (too many for a show that's supposed to start where each episode left off), to the idiot antagonists whom I was never afraid of would ever be successful, even to the anti-climactic (although well written and acted) ending. This season missed TERRIBLY. The DVD will be the most excruciating Chrismas present decision ever. What won't be an excruciating decision will be in January 2008 when'24' will get a chance to redeem itself. I'll be there. Changes are expected, I'll only forecast a more character driven, less political plot for Day 7.

Ouch!

2007-05-16T08:34:00.000-04:00

A good honest man advertises his triumphs and failures equally.

My return to Bar Stool Sports was a barb at the school of thought that problem players could turn their careers around with the New England Patriots by looking at other celebrities who could use the help.

It was meant to start a conversation. The conversation it started was "How much Derek Lynch sucks"...

I now know how Amateur comedians feel the first time they're heckled.

Jack in a Box: The Death Scenes

2007-05-15T11:42:00.000-04:00

The one that set Jack off, Teri Bauer (Season One)...

George Mason (Season Two)…

Nina Myers (Season Three)…

Perhaps the best of all of them, Ryan Chappelle (Season Three)

David Palmer (Season Five)…

Michelle Dessler (Season Five)…

Tony Almeida? (Season Five)...

The saddest, Edgar Stiles (Season Five)…

Curtis Manning (Season Six)…

Milo Pressman (Season Six)

Jack in a Box: Producers vow to Reinvent Show Next Season

2007-05-09T12:37:00.000-04:00

I'm positive that Season Six of '24' will be subjected to Scott's newest feature This is Why You Suck...

As much of a Bauerhead as anybody, I have to admit this season has been a miss, on almost all fronts.

Well the good news is the writers of '24' have noticed.

"It hurts to hear the criticism," said executive producer and writer Howard Gordon. "I don't dispute it's been a challenging season to write for us. But it's reinvigorated our determination to reinvent the show. This year could be seen to be the last iteration of it in its current state."

I certainly have my ideas...

-Never have another Muslim Antagonist: Not for the PC reasons you think. Because the writers over-compensated for the character of Abu Fayed with preachy writing over how all Muslims aren't bad and how intrusive policies with regards to Muslim Americans don't work. I would much rather have been spared all this and had the bad guys be British.

-Pick a fucking President!: This coaching carousel of Presidents is perhaps the most far fetched of plots in a show I willingly suspend disbelief for.

-Decide what to do with the "Cameo Characters": It does no good to bring in The Logans, Aaron, Kim, Audrey, James Heller for one episode and then just have them go away without any character development at all. The audience justifiably ends up feeling more robbed at the end, then they are suprised at the beginning.

(You solve both these problems if James Heller (William Devane) takes the Oval Office next season and keeps it until the end of the series). But my guess is with all these cameo returns that the producers seem to prefer dealing with William Devane in doses.

-Bring back the everyday elements of the show: As much as you hear "You want to see Jack go to the bathroom", scenes of Jack falling asleep and rushing through a first meal at 4pm in the first season, reminded the audience that the season was taking place during the course of one day. Its easy to forget, especially when all the surprises are happening at 5 minutes to the hour.

-Move the show: New York or better yet, Washington, DC would be refreshing new venues for the show. You could still shoot most of the show in California for weather reasons, then move any landmark locations scenes to DC for filming. With all the fans in Congress, I'm sure they could film and do whatever they want.

-Kill Kim: It's time. She's dead weight. In fact her character was already written off when she gave Jack her "I associate you with grief" walk out. If she was dead it would take Jack to another dark place and motivate him to go apeshit in Season 7.

Baked Beans: Manny being Ameche

2007-05-09T12:17:00.000-04:00

There's no defending this...

Now back to my latest episode of Writer's Bloc...

Bar Stool Sports Column Schedule

2007-04-25T12:41:00.000-04:00

I take a look at the Defensive Linemen on Bar Stool Sports today

Tomorrow I hope to have the Linebackers and Secondary up. With a Mock First Round for Friday.

Good SU Sports Blog

2007-04-25T12:00:00.000-04:00

Many schools have very good sports blogs.

Ohio State has Bucknuts

Florida has Everyday Should be Saturday

But until now, you had to go to Syracuse.com's football and basketball blogs to get constantly updated Orange information.

Well some guy (Alumni, I assume) in Marina Del Ray, California has created

Troy Nunes is an Absolute Magician

The name itself is reason enough to give it a look...

I Ain't in Checotah...Ever?

2007-04-24T21:36:00.000-04:00

Some pictures hit the internet of Tony Romo at a nightclub with some drunk hot blonde girl hanging all over him.

Since the girl was blonde and with Tony Romo, some radio show is assuming the girl with Romo is Carrie Underwood(-Lynch).

A couple sports websites including the one I write for are flying with it.

Here is the complete set of pictures. Decide for yourself. Maybe I'm in denial, but I'm not buying it.

But Romo definitely has a type...

I'm on top of Carrie Underwood All Day Today

2007-04-19T10:00:00.000-04:00

Five Tight Ends to Know on Draft Day

Madden '08 Cover and Jinx goes to...

2007-04-18T20:31:00.000-04:00

Jersey Help

2007-04-17T12:59:00.000-04:00

DenverBroncos.com is having a sale where all Replica Jerseys are $50. I like the replicas better because they wear better and I can play football in them where I'd be hating myself for playing in a $200 authentic jersey. My blue John Lynch jersey has seen better days and is ready to be retired. The only question is what should I wear next. Choices are:

a) Champ Bailey (Home Blue)
b) John Lynch (Away White)
c) Champ Bailey (Away White)
d) John Lynch (Alternate Orange)
e) Champ Bailey (Alternate Orange)

Things to know:

1) My last name is Lynch
2) I've never owned a white Bronco jersey (not my most flattering color but I am in better shape than I have been in a while)
3) Champ Bailey is the best player on the Broncos and we all know I love '24' but something about how the name "Bailey" on a jersey with such a low number looks is keeping me from pulling the trigger automatically
4) The Broncos didn't wear the Alternate Orange jerseys at all last season.

Virginia Tech Shooting

2007-04-17T09:16:00.000-04:00

Paul and Scott have covered yesterday's shooting massacre at Virginia Tech better than I can.

Obviously I liked it better when all I knew Virginia Tech for were the Vick brothers, running up the score on Syracuse, and Frank Beamer's lollipop accusation.

The assailant has been identified. Ironic that I had just talked to Josh about moving from Virginia.

I prefer to wait for a motive, before I listen to any cries for more gun control. When what may be needed is a cry for more crazy guy control.

I won't wait for a motive to make a cry for no more Michael Moore movies.

I also heard on the radio here that if all students were allowed to carry guns, this wouldn't have happened. Ummm no. More students would be killing each other over dumber shit like making top 8's on Myspace or Facebook.

Like Columbine, this incident is an unthinkable tragedy and an act of unthinkable malice by someone who suffered the fate they deserved. What the lessons of this will or won't be, remains to be seen. My condolensces to the families of the victims.

Baked Beans: The Boston Marathon and Patriots Day

2007-04-16T12:10:00.000-04:00

Today is the running of the 111th Boston Marathon. This race has lost relevance nationwide as American runners have lost relevance when it comes to any chance of winning the race. In Boston and New England however it is covered ad nauseum by every major news channel in the city providing footage from all points of the race. Friends and acquaintences run the race, sometimes as a means to raise money for charity, most of the time as a personal challenge. While there won't be many today, usually spectators line the Marathon route to cheer on (or heckle) oncoming runners.

Of course the Marathon always falls on a much more interesting day, Patriots Day in Massachusetts. Patriots Day commemorates the Battles of Lexington and Concord which started the Revolutionary War. It is the biggest blowoff holiday in this country. Schools, State Offices, and some businesses along the Marathon route close and leave their employees free to throw parties and drink all day during the Marathon. When I was little my parents would take me out of school (New Hampshire still has school) to watch the Lexington Patriots Day Parade and battle reenactment. My senior year in high school a friend of my dad fed me jello shots in his Beacon Street apartment.

Also the Red Sox are scheduled to play today at 10:05am, the only morning start time on the entire MLB schedule. Today they are playing the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. Meaning their fans will need an explanation as to why they had to wake up at 7am to watch their team.

It's PATRIOTS DAY! Duh!

My Brother's Wedding

2007-04-15T21:13:00.000-04:00

As you may already know, my brother and his girlfriend AnnMarie got engaged last February

The wedding is set for Saturday, September 29, 2007 (yeah they ain't wasting time).

They have set up a wedding site on the same blogspot that this and my friends blogs use.

Check it out and pass along congratulations if you'd like.

Daren and AnnMarie